BDSM Contracts
A BDSM, Dominant/submissive or Master/Mistress-Slave Contract is a formal physical representation of the agreement about the type of relationship dynamic that will exist between two people.
These BDSM Contracts are meant to:
- Define clear goals for the relationship
- Establish clear Rules, Boundaries (Limits), and Responsibilities
- Provide a document that can be referred to in the future
- Enhance the BDSM experience
But Why Create A BDSM Contract?
There are many reasons why individuals may decide to incorporate a contract into their relationship.
1) It can solidify the relationship – For many it is easy to agree to an idea, but when an idea is written down on a physical document that idea becomes real. Now what was once a fantasy is now a real experience that has responsibilities and consequences.
2) Makes individuals within the relationship more accountable for their behaviors – Once negotiated, agreed to and signed, both Dominant and submissive are responsible for abiding to the contract. And if one person whether Dominant or submissive is not fulfilling their agreed upon half of the contract their partner can refer back to the written agreement to very clearly explain how the contract is not being honored.
3) Helps to remove miscommunication – Miscommunication is a very real facet of every part of life, which means it can occur within a Dominant and submissive relationship. This established document helps to clearly lay out rules, limits and responsibilities. If something is not understood, it allows the individual to revisit, renegotiate and rewrite the contract until everything is clearly communicated.
3) Enhance the BDSM experience – Just researching, negotiating and agreeing to a BDSM contract can be a fun, thrilling and euphoric experience in and of itself. It can aid in developing the tone of the kind of relationship you are looking to create. The contract can be a fun and playful experience or the start of a seriously strict rule based lifestyle.
Like all BDSM activities, the contract is what you make it to be. Despite the horrific Fifty Shades of Grey movies, the only decent scene of the entire movie is the contract negotiations between Christine Grey and Anastasia Steele. There are two key elements you should take from this scene: 1) The power the submissive holds in the negotiation and agreement of the relationship. In fact, the submissive is the one for the most part that determines the relationship dynamic. 2) How playful, fun and hot negotiating and creating a contract can be in and of itself.
Do I Have To Sign A Contract To Be In A BDSM Relationship?
Of course, you don’t have to create a BDSM contract. Many people involved in BDSM do so without a contract. Nobody ever has to do anything they don’t want to do. Everything about BDSM is based upon each person’s consent. If this is not something you as an individual want to do, nobody else has the right to force you to create and sign a contract.
What If I Change My Mind After Signing The Contract?
All humans are forever always growing and evolving, with that our tastes, desires and interests also will change over time. Activities that were once hard limits can change into a favorite and other activities that may have been a favorite at one time can turn into hard limits. Because of this it is essential that a contract grows and changes with the individuals that it represents.
Also know that consent can be revoked and re-negotiated at any time. Meaning just because you signed a contract does not mean you can’t have a change of heart. Coming back together and re-negotiating and changing the contract will and should happen as many times as is needed over the course of a relationship.
Is A BDSM Contract Legally Binding?
In no way shape or form is a BDSM contract enforceable by the court of law in any country. If anybody is trying to create a contract to find some way to legally force a person to perform acts against their will, not only is that illegal, it goes against the entire concept of creating the contract in the first place and against of forms of safe, sane and consensual BDSM practices.
As stated previously, a BDSM Contract is meant to:
- Define clear goals for the relationship
- Establish clear Rules, Boundaries (Limits), and Responsibilities
- Provide a document that can be referred to in the future
- Enhance the BDSM experience
What Can Be Included In A BDSM Contract
First before you even think of creating a contract it is crucial that you have established what is on and off limits and properly negotiated and communicated with your partner in regards to your unique relationship. You can learn more here about negotiating in BDSM
What you include in your contract with depend greatly on your desires, your partner’s desires and the kind of relationship dynamic you are interested in developing. For example a Total Power Exchange Master/Mistress – slave relationship will be a highly detailed all encompassing contract, whereas a husband/wife looking for some weekend play might only need to include a basic outline.
What you include in the contract is up to you, but it should be a clear representation of the relationship and how you will interact with each other, both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom.
Your negotiations and contract scenes can be as elaborate and formal or as casual as you would like. For some, the formality of a contract makes the agreement more ‘real’ and binding. The chose is yours.
With that said here is a list of potential items that can be incorporated into a BDSM contract.
- Roles of Dominant & submissive
- The type of dynamic and goals for the dynamic
- List of acceptable activities, soft limits, hard limits including safewords and other additional safety measures
- Dominant and submissive duties, responsibilities, & expectations
- Exceptions & special circumstances including medical conditions
- Rewards & Punishments
- Areas & times for BDSM
- Conditions for private BDSM - (potentially including - language, clothing, presentation, demeanor, etc.)
- Conditions for public BDSM - needs for discretion
- Potential external participants
- Conditions for termination of contract
A Sample BDSM Contract
This is a basic outline of how you can layout a BDSM contract, but how you word your contract will be based on you and your partner’s desires and needs.
BDSM Contract:
I, ____________, do willfully submit to _____________ with an open mind and an open heart. I wish to please my Master/Mistress and promise to do my best to submit to Them with each breath that I take. I offer up the use of my skills, my dedication, my obedience, and my time so that His/Her wishes can be granted completely and immediately as commanded.
I respectfully request that my Master/Mistress guides me as Their slave and help me to understand the importance of my servitude so that I might grow as a person.
I willfully give over my body, my mind, and my desires to my Master/Mistress so that I might be better able to serve their desires and fulfill my purpose.
1.0 Relationship Dynamic/Goals
2.0 Dominant’s Responsibilities
3.0 Submissive’s Responsibilities
4.0 Activities
4.1 Agreed upon acceptable activities
4.2 Soft Limits
4.3 Hard Limits
4.4 Safewords, Safety Calls & Required Safety Measures
5.0 Exceptions & Special Circumstances
6.0 BDSM Conditions
6.1 Days/Times
6.1 Conditions For BDSM When In Private
6.2 Conditions For BDSM When In Public
6.3 Additional Conditions
6.31 Drugs, Alcohol & Tobacco
7.0 Conditions For External Participants
8.0 Future Contract Alternations
Consent for anything written within this contract can be revoked by any partner at any time if they ever feel uncomfortable, unwilling, unable or unsafe in any way.
This contract must then be revisited, renegotiated and rewritten to better represent both partner’s desires and needs.
9.0 Conditions For Termination
If one person in the relationship feels that their partner is not fulfilling their agreed upon part of this contract, the contract can be terminated therein.
If one person in the relationship feels that their needs are not being met or that the relationship has changed to no longer serve either partner, the contract can be respectfully terminated and both partners are free to go their separate ways knowing that they have been bettered by the experience.
I offer my submission to _______________ on this day _______ of ________, in the year __________. signature____________
I accept this slave into my care on this day _______ of _______, in the year _________. signature____________
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