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Consensual Non-Consent

Consensual Non-Consent is a form of BDSM incorporating extreme power exchange. The play mimics non-consensual behaviour, but takes place between consenting adults.

What is Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)?

CNC is best described as edge-play, perfect for kinksters who prefer their BDSM wild rather than mild. We’ll talk a little more about edge play later, let’s start with CNC. The “non-consensual” part relates to the way the Dominant and submissive interact during the scenario.

The Dominant takes an aggressive stance, using force and power to take control of the submissive. Although the submissive has consented to play he or she will resist in various ways, such as fighting back, screaming, pleading, shouting, or trying to escape.

Despite its extreme nature, both parties derive pleasure from CNC. The Dominant relishes the opportunity to exert authority and the submissive revels in feelings of helplessness and fragility.

What is Edge Play?

Edge play involves engaging in BDSM activities that carry a level of risk. Typical edge play scenarios include abduction play, public humiliation, sexual assault and rape, breath play, extreme medical play, knives and sharps, water sports and scat, total power exchange, and consensual non-consent (CNC).

Edge play often involves instilling pain, fear, and humiliation, and this can evoke strong emotions. Needless to say, tolerance levels vary from kinkster to kinkster, and what’s considered extreme play by one person may be thought of as tame by another.

Who Engages in CNC?

CNC is intense, so it’s more suited to experienced BDSM players, rather than nervous newbies. This type of play requires trust and effective communication and the submissive travels to the outer edges of their comfort zone. Boundaries are often stretched and limits tested, so this play often appeals to those in a D/s relationship.

Is CNC Safe, Sane, and Consensual?

Responsible BDSM players adopt the well-known kink mantra Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC), but can non-consensual play be consensual? Yes, it can! When done correctly, CNC creates the illusion of fear, minus any real danger.

The act of being overpowered and forced can prove arousing. The submissive can consensually give up power, trusting their Dominant to tease and torment, safe in the knowledge they won’t come to any real harm. CNC lends itself well to kink exploration but both parties need to know how far play can go.

As with all types of play, the standard rules of BDSM always apply. Before any play, you should negotiate, identify limits and boundaries, agree on safe words/signals, obtain consent, do your research, prepare, and discuss aftercare.

Negotiation, Limits, and Boundaries

The success of a scene is usually determined by the level of negotiation before play. This is no time for bashfulness – those involved need to speak freely and outline their needs, wants, limits and boundaries. Not sure where to start? Here are a few points for discussion:

Type of play

What type of play will your CNC scenario involve? Will the Dominant abduct the submissive? Will the submissive be restrained and forced to obey? Will the submissive fight back and try to escape or will they cooperate? Create an outline so everyone feels comfortable with the scene.

The setting

You can’t carry out a CNC scene just anywhere, you’ll need to find a safe and secure space away from prying eyes. Choose a place that suits you both and check that it’s fit for purpose. Do you need any equipment or props?

Sexual play

Will the scene involve an element of forced sexual play such as touching, kissing, or full penetration/ rape? If so, what are the limits to this? Will penetration involve oral, vaginal, or anal, or is it a no-holds-barred situation? Orgasms should also be discussed, will players climax, or is that a no-go?

Potential risks and triggers

CNC carries some level of risk and can trigger difficult memories. Words, actions, outfits, smells, sounds, and tastes can bring back thoughts of past trauma. Discuss potential risks and triggers in advance so you’re prepared. We’ll cover risks and triggers in more detail later.

Restraints

Will restraints be used? If so, will the submissive be partially restrained (wrists and ankles) or fully restrained? What type of restraints will be used, talk through the options e.g., leather cuffs, handcuffs, rope, etc.

Impact

Will impact be part of the CNC scene? If so, will it be hard or soft? Stingy or thuddy? Impact comes in many guises so it’s worth taking time to discuss what will work for your both. You can choose from a wide range of implements including the paddle, cane, crop, flogger, etc.

Other Play

Will the CNC scene involve other forms of play, such as wax play, needles, humiliation and degradation, pet play, or age play? Are you both comfortable with the proposed play? How will play be incorporated into the scene?

Consent, Safety, and Checking In

Make sure the scene is safe, sane, and consensual by discussing safe words and safe signals in advance.

Agree on safe words

In the world of BDSM the word “red” is often used to indicate play should cease, and “amber” is used to indicate play should be slowed down. You can choose your own if you prefer, but make sure you’re both fully aware of the safe words before you begin.

Agree on safe signals

Sometimes it can be difficult to speak during a scene, especially if the submissive is fitted with a head bag or gag. It’s good practice to agree on a safe signal, such as a hand or foot gesture, to indicate that the submissive wants to slow down or stop.

Checking In

Will you check in verbally? Keep in mind that this doesn’t work for everyone. Constantly asking your partner if they’re ok can not only water down a scene but also be detrimental to kink head-space. Discuss the possibility of using both verbal and non-verbal cues.

Ending a scene and aftercare

How will the scene come to an end? What type of aftercare will the submissive need e.g., a drink, food, cuddles, a warm blanket, a chat? Remember the Dominant deserves aftercare too!

Obtain consent

Consent is the most important part of any scene. Once you’ve negotiated what will happen and how, identified risks, boundaries, and limits, set safe words/signals, talked about aftercare, etc you can consent to the agreed play.

Research and preparation

You have an outline for your scene and have negotiated the ins and outs of it, but there’s still work to do before you get going.

Knowledge and skill

Do you know enough to play out your intended scene and do you have the necessary skills? CNC is not for the faint-hearted and is best suited to those with a good understanding of the scene and experience in BDSM. Can you educate yourself further to ensure you have the proficiency required?

Setting the scene

Get to know the play space well before commencing a scene. Make sure it’s fit for purpose – it should be private and secure (unless you’ve agreed and arranged for others to participate). Check you have the necessary equipment and kit too.

The Risks of CNC

All BDSM play carries an element of risk, but edge play is often deemed even more perilous. This doesn’t mean you should shy away from CNC; you just need to play in a safe, sane, and consensual way and be aware of the risks.

Injury

Both parties should acknowledge that CNC involves physical play, which can lead to injury. This could be light cuts, scratches, and bruising or more serious injuries such as bites, welts, and livid bruises. Wounds can be difficult to hide or explain and the submissive may prefer the Dominant to steer clear of certain areas. If the submissive is going to fight back the Dominant is at risk of injury too, so make sure you have a first aid kit to hand.

Fluids

If the Dominant is using sharps such as a pinwheel, knife, needles, or a vampire glove there’s a very good chance that there will be blood. All sharps should be sterile and cleaned properly after (or in the case of single use needles, disposed of properly). The Dominant can use gloves to minimise risk. As for sex, if penetration is part of the plan, it goes without saying that a condom should be used to avoid the risk of pregnancy or STIs.

Triggering

We’ve identified that CNC is a form of extreme edge play that provokes strong reactions and emotions. This can trigger thoughts of challenging situations and past trauma. Discuss words or actions that might prove difficult, and assess whether these should be excluded from the scene or included with caution.

Other triggers could include certain props, such as blindfolds or rope, and particular outfits and costumes e.g., ski masks and balaclavas. There are sensory triggers too, such as taste e.g., being forced to eat horrid food, sounds e.g., swearing or loud bangs, and smell e.g., fire and smoke.

The Pleasure of CNC

All BDSM play carries a level of risk, but carried out correctly CNC can also bring a huge amount of pleasure. If you’re new to CNC start slowly, incorporate a few elements, to begin with, and once you’ve mastered those move on to a full scenario.

Despite being extreme, CNC fantasies are relatively common, and this type of play offers the perfect opportunity to lose inhibitions and control. If you’re looking to spice up your D/s relationship and have a penchant for power control, this could be the perfect type of BDSM play for you.

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