There are a number of ways that you might define BDSM, and each is ‘correct’ in its own way.
Some define BDSM as Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism while others take the letters and create Bondage, Dominance, Submission, and Masochism.
And still others might say that BDSM is comprised of Bondage and Dominance, as well as Sadomasochism.
In the end, it really doesn’t matter what the letters stand for, rather what they have come to represent.
The main construct of BDSM is the idea of one person having control over another person. This might be a brief encounter, like during a playtime scene, or in a longer term relationship, as in a personal slave or master-slave relationship.
In this kind of relationship, one person surrenders their needs and their wishes to that of another, causing the relationship to have one person dominating the other in some way.
While most people would consider BDSM to be a purely sexual relationship in nature, this is not necessarily the case. Many BDSM players and groups focus only on the idea of control over another, and not just in the sexual sense.
What you may want to consider is that BDSM can be a purely sexual interaction as well. Some people are very much turned on by the idea of someone taking control of their sexual encounters and turning them into a release of their own desires in that exchange.
And for others, this exchange of power in sexual interactions or maybe just in the everyday can also be related to an exchange of pain, as in sadomasochism. Some dominants are turned on by the idea of inflicting pain upon someone else, and thus exuding even more control on their response and subsequent actions. And some submissives are turned on physically by the idea of receiving pain in a variety of forms.
But the main idea that you will want to take from all of these situations is that these are interactions that are consensual between two adults (or more). Everyone has agreed to participate in these activities, understands the risks, and practices safety rules along the way (we’ll get into more detail about that later).
As you can see, the idea of BDSM is a lot more varied than the traditional ‘whips and leather’ images that most mainstream movies show. And if you’re interested in this lifestyle or just experimenting a little, you need to learn about these variations.
* Not all people who are kinky are into BDSM, yet all people who are into BDSM enjoy different kinks
