A lot of submissives enjoy feeling a degree of fear during BDSM. They get a thrill from the rush of anticipation, intensity, and suspense in the same way others might while skydiving or watching horror movies. A sexual experience that feels dangerous, but not so dangerous that we’ll walk away harmed or traumatized, can be an exciting adventure when shared in a controlled environment with a dom we admire. Going through an emotion-charged journey like that together can also strengthen the bonds of affection and trust.
The word ‘consent’ comes up constantly in conversations about kink. People often tout it as the core element that separates BDSM from abuse. While this is true, the word by itself doesn’t go far enough to help practitioners, especially those just starting out, protect themselves and one another from potential problems.
The term ‘informed consent’ was first used in the medical field and is considered fundamental to ethics and laws regarding patient rights. It describes the process that requires doctors to provide information about possible side effects and other risks before they elicit permission to provide a particular treatment.
We often like to think of doms as the sexy, invincible superheroes of our fantasies. To be led through our BDSM journey by someone calm, confident, and in charge puts us at ease, allowing us to open up and explore in spite of our nervousness or vulnerability. The reality, of course, is that dom-identifying kinksters are human like the rest of us and need help along the way from time to time. If you’re a submissive looking to take your dynamic to a deeper level, here are 8 ways you can help your dom feel comfortable as they lead the way.
The beginning of a relationship is a fragile time. One or both partners may still be on the fence as they learn each other’s quirks, preferences, triggers, world views, and all the rest. The first few intimate encounters usually involve some level of stress, regardless of how smoothly or erotically those sessions unfold. We want to think of falling in love as a magical process, …
Spanking, paddling, whipping, caning, mmm YUMMY. Words like these are music to a masochist’s ears. Well, some masochists, anyway. Believe it or not, there are those who don’t like to be hit. They may have experienced prior trauma related to hitting. Others simply don’t enjoy the sensation. In cases like these, doms must get creative. Whether your sub dislikes impact or you’re simply seeking additional …
Welp, there’s no nice way of saying it. These are challenging times! Our individual and collective futures are loaded with uncertainty, and feeling isolated from those we love doesn’t help. Luckily for us kinky types, we already hold a number of valuable skills that can help us thrive through these tense periods of lockdown. Here’s how you can make the most of them. Sharing is …
Much of what we do in BDSM involves roleplay, and not just the ‘strict teacher / naughty student’ dress-up variety. Simply acting as the top or bottom in a scene is a role in itself, complete with its own responsibilities, energy, and intentions. The more we’re able to immerse ourselves in the headspace of our role during play, the more powerful the experience becomes.
The intense experiences we have during play have the potential to transform our everyday lives, for better or worse. For BDSM to be a healthy practice, it’s crucial that we refine our ability to cleanly separate fantasy from reality. Learning to compartmentalize BDSM will allow you to reap the benefits of kinky sexploration while continuing to function harmoniously outside the bedroom.
If we don’t learn to compartmentalize, BDSM can end up negatively impacting our psychological state, our relationships, and even our career.