Is a discussion outside of the dungeon or play space a day or two after a session to go over the experiences both or all parties had during a training/play scene. A debriefing discussion can be highly beneficial to both the Dominant and the submissive.

Be careful of having such an intense discussion too soon after a scene, people can still be overly excited from the scene and can easily become offended and hurt. Wait for the intensity of the scene to wear off before you sit down with your partner and discuss how the scene went.

When everybody is calm and level headed, than is the time to sit down with them outside of your play space and have a discussion about:

  • What did they like in the scene? Why did they like it?
  • What didn’t they like in the scene? Why didn’t they like it?
  • What would they like more of in future scenes?
  • Was there anything they really wanted to happen?
  • Is there anything they never want to experience again?
  • Do they feel they like they have come away from the experience better? Did they learn anything from the experience?
  • Has anything changed for them?
  • etc.

You are not your partner, so you can never truly understand how they felt during the scene. With a debriefing discussion you have a small window into what it was like for them (both Dom/me and sub).

Always keep an open mind during the discussion. Don’t judge your partner for anything they say or think and don’t become offended. This is a time to LISTEN and LEARN. You should appreciate their honesty and use their words to help you become better. Don’t become upset because your sub prefers a different way to be spanked or your Dom wants you to respond differently. Take from what they are saying and apply it to the next time you are both together.

Debriefing is all about becoming closer, understanding each other and building trust. Keep an open mind and heart during these discussions so you can learn from each other.

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