Role playing can be an amazing way to turn up the intensity of any sexual relationship, but even more so in a BDSM partnership. When you add the element of role playing, you can further create a sense of authority and control in a scene. But there are good ways to do this and bad ways to do this. Here is what you need to know before you get started.

First of all, find out what your partner might fantasize about in terms of role-play. Does he or she think about being a naughty student and you as the controlling teacher? Maybe they’re into the policeman and criminal scenario? Take some time to talk with your partner about potential scenes that you can do with these roles. You can even go shopping together to find the appropriate costumes to wear. Using costumes is actually a great way to get you both ‘into’ the scene that you are going to do.

Once you’ve determined what you want to explore, try to figure out exactly what makes that fantasy so hot for your partner. Is it the outfits? The dirty talk? The spanking? By talking with your partner as well as thinking about the role-play that you want to do, try to figure out what’s most important from this scene for them as well as for you. This will intensify the experience and help you both get into the roles more easily.

Another way to make sure the role play works well for you is to make sure that you’re staying in character as much as you can. Talk dirty or use medical speak in a doctor-patient scene. Make the area where you are playing look like a place the role play could occur. Set up ‘props’ that will help you both get in the mood. You want to make the ‘real’ world go away for the time being.

When you’re new to role-playing, you also want to keep in mind that not everything will go right – that’s inevitable. So, make sure that you’re not being too serious about keeping things in the role play. What matters is that you’re both having a good time. If your accent for the French prostitute isn’t perfect, don’t sweat it. And if that rope tie falls apart, simply fix it and move on with the scene. When you let things get to you during a scene, they will disrupt the scene more than these little ‘problems.’