My head rests on the red pad of the St Andrew’s Cross, my wrists and ankles fastened tightly, as my Sir delivers a paddling to redden my cheeks. I squirm a little, the impact stings, but it’s also making me very wet. Sexual tension bubbles as I try to catch Sir’s eye. I’m hoping he will read my mind and indulge me by bringing this session to a shuddering climax, with a shuddering climax.
He might pull out a rabbit or a bullet, after all, there are numerous gadgets on the market designed to tickle and tease. But despite the array of sex toys out there, I must confess I’m a fan of old-school fun, and by that, I mean good old-fashioned fingering fun.
Please Use Your Finger To Share The Love 🥰
Introducing Hand Sex
Otherwise known as fingering, hand sex involves using the hands and fingers to provide sexual stimulation. It’s not always given the kudos it deserves, and that may be due to our early sexual encounters. Many of us will remember rushed teenage fumbling with distaste – knickers pulled hastily aside to accommodate the pushing and probing of clumsy digits.
The good news is fingering doesn’t have to be cumbersome or awkward. Used correctly hands and fingers are versatile sex toys, capable of delivering memorable orgasms. Fingers are adept and flexible, you can touch someone intimately, and you can both enjoy the sensations.
Whether you class yourself as a hand-sex connoisseur or are new to the art of fingering, there’s much to learn. Anyone can pop their fingers into a vagina or use them to stroke a clit, but not everyone can deliver a knee-shattering orgasm via fingering. So, put down that rabbit, and warm up your digits, as we take you back to basics for a masterclass in fingering fun.
Before you Finger…
- Get Consent - Let’s start with the obvious one – consent. It’s a given that you need to get consent before you embark on any type of play, be it sexual, BDSM, or anything else. Make sure you are both on the same page and agree on boundaries (and a safe word) before you begin.
- Get Fresh -It goes without saying your hands should be clean, so wash them thoroughly to prevent the spread of any bacteria (no one will thank you for a nasty infection). You also need to cut and file fingernails to facilitate smooth entry.
- Get Comfy - Next, make sure you set the scene. Find a private, quiet spot and set the mood. For some, this could be candles and soft music, for others it’s hard rock and a BDSM spanking bench – whatever floats your boat. You should both be comfortable and have enough time to enjoy yourselves.
- Get Out the Lube - Before you put those restless fingers to work you might want to apply lubricant. Lube works well to aid easy penetration and can make the whole fingering experience smooth and more pleasurable for the giver and the recipient.
- Get in Position - Position-wise, that’s dependent on you and your partner. At the start, I mentioned being fingered following a spanking session whilst tied to a St Andrew’s Cross, but that’s not for everyone! It’s perfectly fine to opt for missionary-style fingering, whereby the female lies down on their back and spreads her legs.
Fingering Techniques to Make Your Lover Squirm
As the fingerer, you need to know your audience. What does the person you are fingering enjoy? What turns them on and makes them wet?
It’s not all about delivering a knee-trembling orgasm (as the saying goes, the journey is as important as the destination), but if the fingeree does cum you want it to be memorable for all the right reasons.
Whilst we all understand it’s easy to lose yourself in the moment, to deliver good hand sex (and an orgasm or two) you need to be mindful of your speed, the force you use, and the pressure you exert. Here are a few techniques you can try to fingered help you finger like a pro:
The Genital Hold
You don’t have to dive straight in with a finger or two. The clit and G-Spot are erogenous zones, but the whole vagina benefits from attention. Starting slowly and building up will enhance sexual tension and help your lover become aroused.
The Upward/Downward Stroke
You can also try out the upward stroke/downward stroke to tease and please the genital area. As the name suggests this involves stroking in different directions. Start at the bottom of the vagina and stroke upwards towards the clit.
Do this a few times and then reverse the direction – stroking from the clit downwards towards the vagina. Feel free to vary the technique you use by changing the level of pressure and the speed at which you stroke.
The Single/Double Finger
Once things are moving along nicely, and your partner starts to get wet (remember lube will help with this) you can slide a finger or two into the vagina. A single digit can get the party started, but two will double the fun.
Use your pointer finger and middle finger and make sure you fold your other fingers down so they are not in the way. Gently slide your fingers in (finger pads pointed downwards) and find a comfy spot before you start to move your fingers in and out with a slow and steady thrust.
Alternatively, you can use your middle finger and ring finger (again fold down the rest of your fingers), but this time your finger pads need to point upwards (imagine you’re Spiderman shooting a web). Use a mixture of fast and slow, light and firm strokes to tease the vagina.
The Come Hither
Once your fingers are in, you don’t just have to slide them in and out – you’re not doing the hokey-cokey! You can try out a move known as the “come hither.” This involves inserting your fingers and then bending them slightly upward, as if you are motioning to someone to come to you (hence the come hither).
Take care when doing this, the movement should be small presses upwards, made by the pads of your fingers. Fingernail scratches won’t be appreciated – so make sure your nails are trimmed down and you are gentle. You can also try moving the pads of your fingers around in tiny circles, again the movements should be small and delicate.
The Clit Rub
With around 8000 sensory nerves it’s little wonder the clit is so sensitive and easily aroused. Some women struggle to climax via vaginal stimulation or penetrative sex alone but get the clitoris involved and it’s a different story. You can stimulate the clit in a couple of ways – either with an accompanying finger or two in the vagina, or you can slide your finger(s) out and just focus on teasing the clit.
The key to success involves starting with very light pressure. Use one lubricated finger to gently stroke the upper left quadrant of the clit in a subtle up and down motion. Move around the outer edges of the clit, continuing the apply feather-like strokes that are almost imperceptible.
This type of light stimulation can prove frustrating to the person on the receiving end, and it will no doubt leave them pleading for more.
Thankfully, teasing leads to pleasing in this instance. A finger or two in the vagina and a finger caress to the clit can prove an intoxicating combination. As with most sexual acts, different strokes suit different folks. Some women like their clit rubbed directly, others prefer indirect stimulation (touching around the edge of the clit).
For some, firm pressure causes waves of pleasure, whilst some prefer a lighter touch. Others like something in between the two or a heady mix of light and firm alternated. You can move from a slow pace to medium then onto fast, again varying the speed in line with the response you get.
The Four Finger Shuffle
The Anal Tickle
Once considered taboo, anal play is now a mainstay in the bedroom for many, anal fingering can lead to an explosive orgasm for men and women. Anatomy differs depending on your gender, in females, anal play stimulates the Skene’s glands, for males, it’s the prostate gland. When you’re playing never move from anal to genital play as this can cause infection.
Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so you’ll need to apply the wet stuff from the bottle or tube to make sure entry is smooth and easy. Slide one finger into the anus, moving it back and forth. If that goes well you can move to two fingers. The sphincter is naturally tight and it will take some time for it to relax, so take things slowly. The anal tickle can be used to stimulate both males and females.
Anal Play lends itself well to a BDSM scenario. It’s the perfect way to compliment impact play. A sound spanking can be intermingled with a finger or two in the butt – just to keep the sub on their toes!
How to Hit the Spot
-
G-Spot
The G-Spot is located on the front wall, around two inches inside the vagina. Slide your fingers in and along the anterior wall of the vagina (upwards toward the belly) curve them around the pubic bone and you’ll hit the spot. -
U-Spot
There’s an area just between the clit and urethra known as the U-Spot (or female prostrate). This spot can be stimulated by gentle tapping or stroking but you should only use a tiny amount of pressure as the U-Spot is highly sensitive. -
C-Spot
The C-Spot is simply another name for the clit, and thankfully most of us know where that is! In case you’re not sure it’s the wishbone-shaped area with the little bump at the top. -
A-Spot
The Anterior Fornix Erogenous Zone (or the A-Spot as we know it) sits above the cervix. The soft circle-shaped tissue is at the end of the vaginal canal. And you’ll need to angle your fingers towards the belly button to hit this spot. -
O-Spot
This deep O-Spot is located behind the cervix further into the vagina. This sacred place is difficult to reach unless you happen to have very long fingers!
Fingering for a Knee-Trembling Climax
You might not want a running commentary of how well you’re doing from the person being fingered, but it’s good to get a feel for how much they are enjoying themselves. You can gauge if you’re doing ok by paying attention to their reactions to your touch.
If the fingeree flinches or pulls away (or pulls a face) chances are you are being a bit too heavy-handed. Relax and take it more slowly and gently – it isn’t a race to the climax. At the other end of the scale, if the person being fingered groans with pleasure and breathes heavily or asks for more, more, more you can rest assured you’re on the right track!
Fingering can take a bit of practice, but it’s worth it. You can still pull out the vibrators and dildos, after all, sex toys will always come in handy, but varying play can add spice to your sex life. Unlike sex toys, fingers are free, they never run out of batteries and they don’t omit an annoying buzz!
Fingering and BDSM
By Debra Shade ACS, ABS
Debra Shade is a Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert who runs a private practice from Columbus, Ohio. Author of a series called The Sex Journals, she possesses an unmistakable charisma in her educational approach, transcending the convention of “workshops” and provides each participant with an instructional encounter. Shade has released Climax: The Power of Great Sex, a guide to your best orgasm. Full of tips and techniques to create, maintain and deliver great orgasmic experiences. Debra is the author of over 14 courses available at shademediallc.com.
Copyright 2008-2022 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com
By reading and accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are responsible for any use of the information in this article, and hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates harmless in any claim or event.
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
BDSM Protocols: Part 1 – Introduction
I feel like the least-likely guy on the Earth to w...
101 Submissive Tasks
Service-Oriented Tasks: Household ChoresWhat: Clea...
Fun Bondage Games
Adding bondage to a power exchange relationship in...
