Everything I read is about pleasing the Dominant. Is there ever a time when attention is focused on the submissive’s pleasure? Or is a submissive’s life just about serving and pleasing the Dominant for the rest of their life to never receive pleasure again?
Master Bishop’s Opinion
Reading about what happens in a BDSM relationship and actually being in one are two different things. Let me be the first to tell you that what you have decided to be true is only partially right. In some BDSM relationships, the focus is not on the submissive’s pleasure. This is often the choice of the submissive, so it’s something they expect to be the case.
On the other hand, the submissive’s role is to serve the desires of their Dominant. Plain and simple. If they are not interested or willing to do this, then they are not going to be a good fit for that kind of relationship. Many slaves not only find it easier to serve someone else, but they are also PLEASED to get the chance to serve someone else.
At the same time, a Dominant is meant to give a submissive the control, direction, and structure that so many subs long for. Rising up to the challenges of service and allowing oneself to feel safe and free within a controlled relationship can be very pleasurable to a submissive.
That’s right. Many slaves derive a great amount of pleasure from service, from hearing they’ve done a good job, and from knowing they are excelling in their training. Imagine what it’s like to have someone train you and you can follow all of his or her commands. Imagine what it’s like to work hard to please someone else and they tell you that you’ve done a great job.
Isn’t that pleasurable? Especially when that task was extremely difficult and you actually exceed the person’s expectations. Many people find a whole new level of confidence in themselves and find pleasure from doing such an amazing job and making someone they care about happy.
However, My guess is that you’re referring to sexual pleasure for the slave, but it’s not clear from your question. If this is the case, let’s talk about that for the moment. Not everyone’s pleasure looks the same. Some slaves define pleasure as service; others define it as pain. Still other slaves might derive pleasure from orgasms, while others might enjoy being humiliated.
The most common question I receive from submissives is how to get their partners to be more Dominant and controlling. If giving over control is not pleasurable then why do so many submissives crave more of it?
As you can see, it’s hard to get a grasp on pleasure, as it’s different for everyone.
I tell newbie slaves and Dominants to discuss what they want out of the relationship right from the start. Before anything happens in the bedroom, you both need to be clear about what you expect. In doing so, you can decide if you’re a good fit for each other, or if you need to find someone else to meet your BDSM needs. This includes what you find pleasurable and how you derive that pleasure.
Right now, I can see that you are a sub that wants to experience pleasure from their Dominant. There are many Dominants who are quite willing to do this. I truly believe in providing submissives with lots of pleasure as its important for a submissive to learn where their pleasure comes from, which is their Dominant. Knowing this can help to inspire a submissive to want to serve more.
A different model I use when a slave has requested more intense control is to use pleasure as a reward. All pleasure is held off until the slave has proven that they have earned the right to receive any pleasure from the Dominant. The slave must be at their best behavior, if pleasure is their goal. For most slaves, this is not a problem and they enjoy the challenge. However, it’s not for everyone. While this puts a lot of pressure on the slave, it is normally done at their request.
Some slaves will seek out sexual gratification from other partners in their life, and not their Dominant, for example. But they work with a Master or Mistress because they want to be dominated, even if pleasure is not the main goal.
I would encourage you to think about why you want to be pleasured by a Dominant. Is it for control? Is it for a reward? Or do you just want to receive pleasure in a kinky way because normal sexual gratification is no longer as interesting for you?
Hopefully I have been able to show that submissives receive plenty of pleasure in their training. In fact, every Dominant should be providing equal amounts of pleasure to their submissives, its just the pleasure will come in different forms. It mostly depends on what kind of pleasure it is that you seek and what kind of agreement/understanding you have come to with your Dominant.
Another article that might pique your interest: Does a Slave Deserve to Be Happy?
The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 12 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 8 years. Join Master Bishop on Google+
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