When Master Struggled, i Learned

i am a slave devoted to the loving care, happiness and desires of my Master. But recently it was beginning to feel as if i had no tools, no training, no clue or understanding about how to help that one most important person in my life, my Master.

It is amazing how unbalanced you can feel when the person who takes care of all your needs is struggling. When the one person who is always calm and in control, focused and strong is faced with a situation that is creating tremendous strain and stress on them and they now seem to be unbalanced themselves.

When i look at all that Master has done and continues to do every day so that W/we can live this amazing life.; To make sure that all my needs are met emotional, physically, financially, spiritual, i am flooded with such deep love and respect for Him. I’m humbled by His passion and capacity to love, His strength, integrity, honesty, His guidance, patience and humor. i understand more deeply my feelings of gratitude and honor to belong to Him. How blessed i am to Love Him… Why every day i choose to serve Him.

So watching Him struggle, seeing Him on edge and unbalanced, feeling His frustration was torture and not the fun kind. Now i may be a masochist but this kind of pain i was not handling very well. All i wanted to do was yell RED!!!.

Every day Master gets up at 5:00am, He gently wakes me with a kiss and then off to prepare for work. Yes work. Ok a bit of drama, but you know the story. Struggling, He finds himself in a position where He must deal with the current situation until He can safely make a change without compromising O/our stability. It’s been frustrating and stressful to say the least.

Over the past few months it seems things have just become more difficult, and stress filled for Master. In my heart i wish He could just quit this job. Walk away and not look back. I’m pretty certain this is exactly what He wants to do as well but He can’t… actually He won’t. He won’t because He would never walk away from His responsibilities or obligations. He won’t because He has promised to take care of me. He won’t because as a Master with integrity and Honor He is expected to take care of everything.

Master’s stress is off the charts and He struggles daily to control it and to protect me from undue worry. Still, i could feel it in His touch and see it in his eyes when He would drift off inside Himself. i wanted to serve, wanted desperately to help relieve Master’s stress. i Wanted…. no Needed to do whatever i could to show Master that i was grateful for all He has done for U/us and O/our family and that i was strong and able and willing to do whatever i could to help.

i became almost consumed with thinking about what more i could do to help. How can i make this better for Sir? How can i be a better slave and take better care of Master? ???????

So i tried the usual. More service.

i learned how to use the lawn tractor, Taking on more chores at home, adding to my domestic service. i actually am enjoy mowing the lawn and i think Master likes the way i look in my shorts, tank top and work boots sitting on top of the lawn mower. Then i made a few budgetary changes, financial service… help relieve some financial stress. Increased personal services, massage, sexual offers… you get the picture.

So while all of my efforts were extremely appreciated, they did not seem to be working. Master was still coming home, stressed, frustrated, tired, angry, and struggling so hard to keep control. In fact i think my extra efforts were actually adding to His stress. Sir is a very generous and appreciative Master and He likes to reward me for my extra efforts and services with special play or training and while fun and distracting they require planning and time and energy and can add to a Master’s stress. Just thinking about all the preparation and planning that goes into a training or play session and i get tired.

Next i tried distraction. Both productive and fun.

Saturday, Master had to stay close to home and on call in case he was needed at the office (yeah… great start to the stress free weekend i had hoped for). So i suggested perhaps Saturday would be an excellent day for U/us to tackle a top to bottom, spit shine cleaning of the Sun room. It was a big project, removing and cleaning windows and the window tracts and walls and ceiling. Oh did I mention Master’s Sun room has 2 full walls of windows and 2 walls and a ceiling that are completely white aluminum wall panels. There is also the Pool table, to be cleaned and polished, and the carpet to be cleaned and shampooed as well. Like i said it was a big project.

So i put on my shortest shorts, tight tank top and purple rubber gloves (sexy) and began gathering cleaning supplies. Master turned on the radio to a favorite station and the cleaning began. Well there was cleaning, and singing and dancing and touching and pinching and grabbing and teasing of all sorts and oh yes more cleaning and more laughing. Then there was a lunch break… and more, dancing, and cleaning and grabbing.

The weekend turned out to be a great success but i knew Monday would come….

Monday morning after kissing Sir and wishing Him the good day i knew He just would not have, i began my daily chores. I felt some relief that the weekend brought Sir some much needed laughter and distraction and He was able to decompress and unwind a bit and let go a bit. But i was certain i couldn’t do this every weekend. Master has amazing energy levels but i’m certain this is not the area He would prefer to expend them in….

As my mind continued to review and rewind and re-examine, i began to notice that my own focus had become unbalanced and obstructed. i was becoming forgetful. Missing simple instructions and lacking in attention and direction. i was consumed with concern for Master’s physical and mental health…. What can i do?

Perhaps i should consider returning to work? Perhaps this would make it easier for Master?  He could take a step back and refocus His efforts on trying to obtain another job. One He would be happier at.

So many questions…

Then somewhere in the middle of this kaleidoscope of thoughts and feelings and self-examination i realized that perhaps i need to change the questions. Instead of; what can i do, what can i change, how can i fix this?

Perhaps what i should be asking is, Am i providing Master with what He wants and desires?

Do i serve Him with an open and honest heart?

Do i submit freely without reservation or hesitation?

Am i open and available and willing to provide any and all service Master may ask of me, within our agreed limits of course? Has Master asked anything of me that i have not provided?

Am i being the loving, obedient, devoted, slave i promised Master i would be? Isn’t this where your focus needs to be?

Okay, i am determined to keep focused on my responsibilities, rituals, protocols. Focus on my service and obedience to Master. Master deserves nothing less.  Just focus on being His slave…

The weekend is almost here and i must schedule time to talk with Sir about our weekend obligations and potential social calendar. i begin to get anxious, once again concerned that i will be bringing another decision, another burden to His already full plate. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and focus on Master. Then i hear Him, in my head. The instructions are clear. i am to review, confirm and RSVP and acknowledge or decline all social events on Master’s behalf… (Social service)… This is my responsibility. This is what Master requires. This is what Master needs from me.

The schedule meeting time has arrived and i am sitting at Master’s feet and W/we are discussing O/our week and the upcoming weekend. Master is trying to focus but i can see He is struggling i can see His mind is drifting. i think it is about work. “Sir we can review the schedule later if You prefer?” i respectfully suggest.

“No, This is the time I set” He replied. Continuing i reminded Sir that i had a tentative social gathering with a few submissive friends on Saturday afternoon and i need to confirm or decline my attendance. Sir always encourages me to get out and spend time with friends both in and out of the lifestyle.

Master became very still and pensive for what seemed like many, many long minutes. i sat quietly waiting for Him to decide if i had His permission to attend. i was growing concerned and nervous with each passing moment. Not sure if He had heard me or not. But i waited…

Then Master gently looked down at me and said, “i know how hard you have been trying to relieve My stress. i appreciate all the… let’s say creative and interesting and fun ways you have found to distract and please me. Thank you for that. I also know how much you have been struggling to find the service you could give me that would bring me peace and balance. Your determination and devotion to serve amazes me. I also know how much you look forward to these get-togethers, and you deserve to unwind, but this time you are going to decline.

Yes, for all your efforts i am going to disappoint you..   you are going to decline. you are going to decline because this weekend all i need is to have you right here, at my feet, sitting, kneeling, and serving. In My arms, body wrapped around Me, under Me, over Me. Holding tight to the Love and Passion W/we share. Reminding me of how lucky i am to own you. This weekend all i need is for you to Stay right here!!!!! Stay and be my slave….”

My tears began flow as my lip trembled trying to control the emotions. i was consumed with love and complete devotion. i could barely speak all i could think to say was “yes Master” “Thank You Sir”…

i understood right then, i didn’t need to find more tasks or chores. Or create projects or distractions or to try and offer solutions that were not mine to offer.

Sometimes the best thing i can do is to just be His slave. Do exactly what it is He has asked of me. Don’t look to change or fix everything. Know that, this is not my responsibility.

i learned, sometimes the best thing i can do is just Walk with Him as he moves through His struggles. Sit with Him during quiet times. Maintain my own balance, focus, and submissive attitude, mindset, heart and behavior. Acknowledge, understand, accept, and embrace my role and responsibilities as His slave and to just…. Stay!!!!

sub kathleen

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