I am one half of a relationship formed around the dynamic known as DaddyDom-LittleGirl (DDLG), and when I explain this to people the question I am inevitably asked is “But why call him Daddy”. This article is my response to every person who has ever asked me this question, and hopefully it will be able to assist others involved in the Caregiving paradigm, whether Adult Baby, Little, Middle, Mommy, Daddy or anything in between, in exploring and explaining their own dynamic.
Firstly, I need to reinforce that the fact that this is in no way a justification of my relation or my predilections. I am the way I am, I like the things I like, my Daddy is the way he is, and he likes the things he likes – we were lucky enough to have found each other and fall in love with every single aspect of one another including our social selves, private selves, kinky selves, fetishes, personas, alter-egos and regulated versions of the self. I am comfortable in who I am and all activities I consensually, sanely and safely participate in, as is my Daddy. This article is a way for me to express why I call him Daddy, never to justify it, as no relationship between two (or more) consenting adults requires justification regardless of gender, identity, orientation, role-playing, chosen scenarios etc. Love is Love and that is that.
Let Us Leave All Myths At The Door
Firstly, let us strip any preconceived notions people may have; DDLG and all related Caregiving dynamics are in no way linked to paedophilia. A Caregiver, in this case referred to as ‘Daddy’, in no way wishes to sexually engage with a child, just as the Little in no way wishes to be in a relationship with a child abuser nor their own Father. Paedophiles disguise themselves in all social groups, from school-teachers to police-men, to priests, and although there may be the rare occasion where an abuser pretends to be a Caregiver, the majority of Caregivers are against abuse of any kind.
BDSM, the overarching dynamic of DDLG, set its foundation upon SSC and RACK – Safe, Sane, Consensual; Risk-Aware-Consensual-Kink. This means that to be involved in a healthy, true DDLG dynamic both parties have to be aware of the dynamics, need to openly and honestly communicate their desires, expectations and needs, both parties are responsible for themselves and their counterpart, and neither party is coerced, manipulated, forced, tricked or blackmailed into participation. This stands true for all BDSM relationships, and if a “Dom” or a “Daddy” every try to tell you otherwise, please move away from them and contact someone you trust to talk this over with as this may be a predator lurking in the community.
A Daddy desire’s a partner to take care of, to nurture, to support, to encourage and to love unconditionally, and to have all of this reflected back to them through the eyes of an innocent soul who is able to reach inside and bring out their inner child to play. Littles and Middles are different to Age-Players although there is some cross-over between the two.
Littles and Middles generally move between ages or have no one defined age, whereas age-players generally have a specified age or a few specific ages into which they regress. Both enjoy playing, talking, eating and being cared for as If they were “AB” (Adult Baby – Infant) “Little” (Child) or “Middle” (preteen/teen).
I have undertaken over a year of extensive research and interviewed hundreds of DDLG participants and my findings are that the majority of ABs, Littles and Middles regress emotionally as a comfort mechanism and that whilst in Little space minimal to zero sexual interaction takes place unless actively agreed upon before the Little moves into Little Space emotionally.
Middles do generally participate in sexual activities and some use this expression of their younger self to explore fantasies they were unable to explore whilst they were that age. Other Middles prefer to have their “virginity taken” every week or so, while others still have no preference on sexual activity as long as their counterpart is accepting of their slightly less mature self who loves teen movies and teen books and playing games rather than going clubbing or doing “adult” things. I have so far not come across a single relationship in which there is sexual contact between a Caregiver and an AB whilst the AB is in Infant mode. I will be further discussing ABs in a different article in the near future.
The above is a very generalised, shallow description of the average DDLG relationship, I am now going to move further into it by firstly explaining what I get from my relationship with my Daddy, and then outlining interviews with women also in Caregiver relationships, a Little, and then a Middle, as well interviews with Daddy’s to Little’s and Middle’s. I will also include one single Little, and one single Daddy to further explore the dynamic of being a Little or a Daddy within the self without the presence of a counterpart.
I am a switch between Little and Middle, my Little-self comes out when I am feeling extremely relaxed or extremely confronted – two very different precipitating factors, both with the same lovely outcome; emotional regression to a space in my mind and heart where I feel I can let go of all adult stressors and know I will be taken care of 100% in all aspects. My Middle self is my go-to, and comes out at all times whether appropriate or inappropriate, I identify mainly as Middle and move into Big space when needed (work, university, workshops, networking) however predominantly feel at my most comfortable when I am able to be slightly immature and needy, and allowed to watch shows and read books aimed at teenagers or young adults. I call my own Middle Mode my “default self” as this is where my psyche predominantly sits.
Why Do I Call Him Daddy?
Because in all essence, aside from the biological factor, he plays the role of my primary authoritarian paternal caregiver in a way that allows him to take care of me where I feel I need nurturing, guidance, love and support. How is this type of nurturing, guidance, love and support different from other relationships? In this dynamic we both know that he is responsible for me when I am Little or Middle, and even when I am Big I prefer to refer to him for the larger decisions. This may sound disempowering to some, however as I know he has our best interests at heart, as we have spent many hours discussing what we both want, desire, need and crave out of life and as we understand each other intimately and can guess what the other needs, I feel very much empowered when I hand the reigns of my life over to him. He makes the big decisions, just as a Daddy would.
Daddy and I are moving homes soon, and although I did half of the research and the majority of the physical inspections, I told Daddy that ultimately it was his decision on the apartment we decide to move to, and I did this knowing that he would make the decision based on factors such as finances, locations, required space, and facilities rather my own factors which were “a bath, a big bath, a huge bath, and maybe a dishwasher.” Daddy’s decision was made and made well.
Daddy takes care of the finances, and rather than being because I am unable, it is because I am unwilling. Numbers and I have never had a great relationship, so Daddy tells me when he requires me to put money towards something such as bills, lunch or rent, and in return I buy breakfast at our café, make supermarket purchases when I can afford to (currently studying and have minimal income), and make sure I am always pretty for Daddy by purchasing lovely lotions, Brazilians, nail polish, lingerie etc. To some this may seem like I am in a “kept-woman” relationship, however it is actually liberating.
I dress the way I do because I enjoy feeling pretty and awakening his sexual desires, and he appreciates my efforts in creating myself into the best version that I can be. Obviously I am only human and as such I do have days where I forget to shave under my arms or get caught up in studies and forget to pluck for a few days, or feel no need for lipstick, however as Daddy is caring, loving and nurturing, if he notices these things he never, ever mentions them in a negative or derogative manner, in fact it is the opposite; if he does notice he follows it with offers to help, “Princess do you want me to hold the lamp while you tweeze?”, “Princess, would you like Daddy to run a bath for you?”, “Princess would you like Daddy to brush your hair tonight?”. These sentences melt my heart. Daddy loves taking care of me, and I am getting better at allowing him to do so, even whilst I am in Big-space.
When it comes to the “sterner” side of Daddy, it only appears when I ask for it. This seems like a very ominous sentence, however this is something pre-agreed upon at the beginning of the relationship and which is carried on throughout the duration of the dynamic. It is something that both Daddy and I need to be aware of, and although he is the “Dom” within the dynamic, I do have the right and the freedom to tell him when I need less or more discipline. Daddy has my permission to; tell me to do my homework; to tell me to quieten down; to tell me to do chores (which he rarely does, but I do when I can anyway as I know it makes life easier for him); he can control my orgasms by preventing me from reaching explosion, or telling when to climax; he ultimately has final decision over my food and drinks and exercise regime, as I told him very early on in the relationship that I would like more boundaries and containment.
Daddy rarely exercises his right to completely control me – instead he speaks to me as an equal when I am in Big space and gives me options when I am in Little space; unless I specifically say to him “Daddy, you do it, you choose.” And I give him permission again to take the position of authority. There are other relationships in which Littles have lists of rules (examples will be shared further on), however Daddy and I have five fundamental rules within our relationship, and to me they are perfect because they exist within our relationship no matter the roleplaying, or regression space, or scenarios we engage in:
1. Open, honest communication. We each believe that this is the key to all relationships, rather than just to this dynamic or even just to BDSM relationships. This is an explicit rule that we have spoken about on numerous occasions and one that we will continue to discuss as language, opinions, thoughts and behaviours are fluid, and they change and grow as people do.
2. Respect. We respect each other, we respect each other’s opinions and thoughts and feelings, most importantly we respect each other’s limits, psychologically, emotionally and physically. As it is Daddy’s job to push me a little (pardon the pun), I consensually allow room for a bit of boundary-crossing to a point in the bedroom, however we always discuss it afterwards. Respect comes in all forms and without it no relationship would be possible. Respect is given to ourselves and to our counterpart in any way we can; on the odd occasion I have been short with Daddy I have always apologised immediately, and on the two occasions Daddy has accidentally used a naughty word in joking reference to me, he also apologised immediately afterwards. We work together to prevent these situations arising and we hold each other in high esteem. Respect is about more than showing the other person that they matter, it also about respecting yourself enough to allow you to have a partner worthy of your respect, admiration and love.
3. Space. Whilst we are in an intimate Caregiving dynamic, which, in my opinion, requires more attention, emotional expression and communication than a vanilla relationship, we are both entitled to our personal space and boundaries. If Daddy needs to come home from work and chill out on his phone, I jump on him, sure, and I kiss him, sure, but then I calm down and read a book or watch cartoons for an hour or so while he winds down. If Daddy needs quiet time he has the right to tell me so and for that need to be respected. I hold the same rights. If I disappear into the bathroom and hop in the shower by myself, Daddy knows to minimally interrupt me, or even stay out of the bathroom, as the water is where I feel most able to relax, and I can sing and dance and shake and clean and enjoy my own company. We are two parts of this relationship puzzle, and while we can easily integrate and work as one, we each hold our individuality, we enjoy our time together, and we both understand that all people, Daddy, I, others, all people, have a need for quiet, for peace, and occasionally for solitude.
4. The Right to make Alterations to the Dynamic. We both have the right to say when something is working or when something needs to be altered. This may be as simple as a position we are entangled in in bed, or something bigger, such as a few weeks ago I told Daddy flat out that I need more space (we are living in a studio) and we talked about it seriously. It was something we had been considering, however my open, honest, and respectful expression of my needs, made him realise that I am finding our current situation difficult after so long in confined space. This alteration will positively impact our personal space as we will now both have more, it will change the way we work together to keep the home maintained, and it will allow room for more expression, more fun, more art, more family and more love to grow. The only semi-negative is the financial change, however we have spoken it through and we both understand the first few weeks-months may be difficult, however we are also both willing to put in the effort and move through the short-term hardship for the long-term benefits.
5. Self-Care. This rule is, in my eyes, implicit. It is something we speak of regularly, yet something we have never made ‘official’. Daddy expects me to shower daily, wash my hair regularly, to drink enough water, to eat enough (and try to eat healthily), to exercise regularly and to maintain my overall subjective wellbeing which includes mental health, emotional health and physical health. I expect the same in return. These ‘rules’ or ‘guidelines’, to me, have little to do with the sexual component or the physical attraction, and more to do with the idea of self-love and self-nurture in order to keep ourselves healthy because we love each other, we respect each other and each of us deserves to be reminded to take care of ourselves as we have both, in the past, struggled with health and confidence. I love brushing Daddy’s beard and soaping him up in the shower, I love it when he washes my hair and lotions my back, we love cooking for each other and going for walks after dinner in the dark, giggling under the moon while we enjoy our body maintenance with each other’s company (this is harder to do in Winter, but something we both deeply enjoy).
Daddy has a lot of power over me and the relationship, and while he has the right to put more rules in place for me, while he sees me as his “Babygirl” to take care of, he’d rather keep my individuality and liberty in place while he takes care of the things he can.
Other things Daddy take’s care of include my emotional response, to him, to myself, to the world in general. I require emotional outlets as I have trouble expressing myself and as such I ask Daddy for spankings on average once a week. They are different to “punishment” spankings, and again different from “play-time” spankings. These spankings are when I am emotionally blocked or dissociated, when I have experienced something that I am feeling needs to be cried over or that my heart should weep at but due to my past traumas I am unable to willingly express these emotions on my own.
Daddy nurtures my emotional expression by gently bending me over a pillow, pulling my hips up towards him and softly tapping my thighs and buttocks. The taps become harder and faster and build to a crescendo which, more often than not, leaves me a quivery teary mess, which is exactly what I ask for. Although he is performing a stern act, he does it with love, repeating quietly “It’s OK, Princess, Daddy’s here, Daddy’s got you, you’re safe, you’re loved, let it out Princess, you’re such a good girl.” And it is this permission that he grants me, which I am unable to give myself, that allows the tears to stream and my heart to open. This usually happens after love-making which, combined with the orgasm and physically exertion, create a euphoric, relaxed bubble around me which I am then emotionally able to open up and share with him. It connects us intimately.
The connection that forms from all of the above allows both of us to move towards each other emotionally with minimal to zero walls, defences or barriers. Daddy and I work together to keep our life peaceful and happy, and we support each other in our joint endeavours as well as our personal and individual ventures. Daddy is my biggest metaphorical cheerleader, and I like to think I am also his. When I need advice I can freely ask him, I can contemplate, I can think, we can converse and debate and reach conclusions that may have been unseen without the interpersonal communication. Daddy supports everything I do, and if he sees a problem with something, or finds one of my ideas slightly unrealistic he tells me so in gentle tones, while unconsciously placing his soft hands on a part of my body as he likes to touch me, my hands, my arms, my face, my hair, my back. The eye contact and physical contact allow me to open up and receive whatever he says, be it absolute encouragement or slight changes to my plans.
Daddy asks me when I am studying, what I am doing tomorrow and if I’ll be working on my articles, he asks how my reading is going, he loves seeing my word count progression, loves watching as I devour the pages of a book, and he tells me how proud he is of me, what a clever little girl I am, and what a good girl I am. He uses positive reinforcement, whether consciously or unconsciously, and he only uses discipline when a situation arises that we have previously agreed upon or I ask him for it.
To summarise, he loves me, he cares for me, he treats me how he would his own daughter, we share a love and a relationship that actually transcends Daddy-Daughter, offers more than Girlfriend-Boyfriend, gives me more comfort and companionship than friendship, and is accepting and non-judgemental; this is a love that is all encompassing. Daddy has someone to nurture, to protect, to love, to care for, to encourage, to hold, to support, to be with and whom he knows reflects all of this back. I have someone to guide me, to look up to, to defer to, to hold my hands through life, someone I can love unconditionally and powerfully and never feel as if I am “too much” or “overwhelming” as the relationship is deep enough and he is strong enough to hold me and my everything.
DDLG from the perspective of a single Little:
I am a single Little and want to share my experience of being true to my Little self without a Caregiver.
I am Little all the time, although sometimes I have to put my Big girl face on and shield Little me from the adult world. Little me is open hearted, sees the best in others, can be naïve, and is always optimistic, giggly and joyful. When I am in true Little space with no need for Big me, I love listening to music (especially Disney!) and singing out loud. I love creativity in all forms and I adore playing with my children as I can relate to them on their level – we watch movies together, play together, craft together. I am very lucky as my profession allows me to be Little me most of the time! One thing I do find difficult is my pacifier at home but I am getting used to it and find it very soothing.
I believe I have always been Little; I have always loved Disney and colouring, I continued to play on swing sets and at playgrounds as an adult and allow my inner child to shine through. It wasn’t until 2010 that I found the DDLG dynamic through my online BDSM community that I realized there were other people, like me, who enjoy Little space! When this clicked, when I saw that this dynamic is something beautiful and caring, it clicked in me and I knew beyond a doubt I was part of the Little community. It felt wonderful to know I was no longer alone. I had attempted to have fulfilling relationships within both the vanilla and broader BDSM communities, and although within the BDSM relationships there were some parts that I enjoyed, it felt impersonal and after a time the shine wore off. It never felt right in my heart. There was never enough affection or validation or praise or care. I found a Daddy soon after and was involved in an intense 2 year relationship with him, and it was exactly what I needed. Unfortunately that had to end, but it gave me deeper insight into my own needs, wants, and desires and allowed me to explore myself and my Little space in a safe and contained environment. Now I know who I am, what I need, and what to look for.
To me, the most appealing part of this dynamic is that I am free to just be me! I have no need to hide my inner child, and although I do occasionally have to be a grown up and put on my Big girl face, I know I am able to move quickly and smoothly back to the real me. If I feel like “Squeeeeeing” I can! If I get excited over Disney I am allowed to show this! There is no need to hide any aspect of myself. I will never be judged by members of my community or my partners. A Daddy is there to love, to nurture, to hold, to care and to me it is the encouragement and acceptance that I am deeply drawn to – hearing things such as “I believe in you”, “You can do it”, “Good girl” are powerful, and for me, necessary.
The level of intimacy and open communication forms a bond like I have never before experienced. My desire to make my Daddy proud is overwhelming, I want to do well by him and I want to spoil him. I love having the structure in place, it is an environment I thrive in! As I am currently single I have a Protector who assists me by supporting me emotionally and providing a certain structure whilst I wait for a future Daddy.
In my future Daddy I will be looking for qualities such as his own need and want to praise his Little and build his Little up. I, personally, am not one for humiliation play or belittling talk, so will need a Daddy who is nurturing yet firm. I want a Daddy who will say what he means, and mean what he says and will follow through with his own words and promises. I expect to be held accountable for my chores and rules. I need consistency and I crave structure. He will need to know how to properly discipline me; the punishment needs to logically fit the crime, in a sense, otherwise there’ll be no lesson and I won’t learn. Spankings, for me, are fun, so they should never be used for discipline in my relationship. I think, for me, self-reflection and introspection on my actions and behaviors would be a better way to teach me, so perhaps lines or essays will be implemented.
I want my Daddy to push me, to be a better mother, student, sub, person, everything – he needs to see my potential and encourage my growth and expansion. For me to be able to trust my Daddy, I need to be able to see that he trusts himself, that he is consistent in his own life and can manage his own affairs – only then will I hand over my life to him. He in no way needs to be “perfect”, but he does have to be stable, practical, consistent – all the qualities a Daddy should be! I am happy to work through things with him, but if a man is a mess then he has no right to dominate anyone regardless of dynamic.
My Daddy needs to be open and receptive to my emotional vulnerability and needs, so he will need to be doting and make me feel cherished and loved, protected and safe. Ignoring me is an emotional trigger, and I will discuss this with any potential Daddy to make sure he understands my needs and is able, and willing, to be patient, kind and loving and work through this with me. A Daddy must be understanding, and my future Daddy will be so; and if he is unable to accept me as I am then no relationship will form. Trust is a huge part of any healthy relationship, so Daddy must be open, honest and reliable.
On a playful note, a Daddy must be willing to try new things! Littles in general are playful, excitable, and always searching for a new park or beach or game, so a Daddy must be willing to guide their Little through and help them find new experiences in a fun yet safe manner. Overall, being a Little is about being me, and having a Daddy is about being accepted as me.
– E. L. USA
DDLG from the Perspective of an ABDL:
The first thing you need to know is this has nothing to do with paedophilia or incest. When I am in Baby mode I am never thinking about sex. I am thinking about cuddles, toys, games, giggles, chocolate milk and movies. I am about three when I am in AB mode and I love being pampered, diapered, bathed, read to, cooked for, fed, wiped up and tucked in. I love it when my Daddy sings for me and when he reads to me, when he washes my hair and when he chooses my clothes. When I am in that mode, for all intents and purposes I am three years old. It is a mental regression to the safest, comfiest, warmest, most cherished times in my life. If sex were to be introduced into that it would crack the entire scenario – turn a dream into a nightmare. I do have sex with my Daddy, however we only ever engage in it when I am in Middle space or Big Girl space.
As an AB I very much dislike Big Girl space, Middle space is easier, in fact it’s a lot of fun – lots of cheekiness and brattiness and sex… but AB is my favourite, I guess that’s where I most feel myself, and feel comfortable. Everything to do in my dynamic is about comfort. I know a few Littles and Middles, and have even met two other ABs through online chats and community munches, however unlike their dynamics, mine has no discipline or punishment – it is all about comfort, love, nurturing and gentleness. People ask “How is it BDSM if there’s no whips and chains?” BDSM is about more than flogging the shit out of someone. It is about building a level of trust and intimacy with another who shares your cravings and needs your fantasies in order to fulfil their own. It is about complete submission on my part, to be myself and feel GOOD about being myself. It is about trusting my Daddy so much that I can literally turn my brain off and know that everything that will happen will happen for me, with my safety, comfort and happiness as the priority. It is about giving yourself completely to another.
I am collared and owned, and as such we have protocols. Protocols are different to rules: If rules are broken then discipline follows. If protocol are not followed we discuss why, we look at the external factors surrounding it and we readjust where necessary. The main protocol to follow is that I, as His Baby girl, never speak to a man I am unfamiliar with without Daddy present. This is for social settings and online discussions only; he understands that through work I will come into contact with many strangers. Sometimes when we are at a gathering with fellow practitioners, Daddy will bring my Baby girl blanket and diaper me on it, then set me up with colouring books. If someone tries to speak to me without first asking Daddy, they are sent on their way swiftly – just as a parent would protect their child, so does he protect me. I am allowed, and encouraged, to spend time with other Littles and ABs, however sadly our community has a small number of likeminded people. I am unsure why, as to me, this dynamic is perfect.
One of the main things that comes to mind when explaining my relationship, is that trust is the absolute foundation of everything else. Without it there would be no safe space for me to let go, no place for Baby girl to come out and play, no room for Daddy to just be Daddy. Trust goes both ways – just as I trust him to take care of me, he trusts me to be true to myself and true to him. I love him. I love myself, and I love my Baby girl side. Social norms be damned, this makes me happy, this makes him happy, we are both consenting adults with an understanding of what happens, who trust each other and who love each other – how can anyone say what we do in our private life is wrong when it is surrounded by so much love, trust and comfort…
DDLG from the Perspective of a Little:
Being a little is a part of who I am; it is not a role-play. The easiest way to explain what a little is to the Vanilla community is an individual that accepts and embraces their inner child. We indulge in our need to be cared for, nurtured and encouraged by a guiding hand in our lives. The spectrum of being a little is also inclusive of those who may lean towards being a middle. A middle is someone who typically recognizes their sexual nature and has a behavioral age between thirteen and eighteen; a little’s behavior is usually demonstrative of under twelve. I find myself on the younger spectrum desiring coloring books, children’s cartoons, sippy cups, and general coddling. As a little, I need more reassurance because I allow myself to let go of all the worries that come along with being an adult. This isn’t to say that I neglect any of my responsibilities, but that I simply allow myself to take a step back from the stressors of adult life. When I am in “little space” I spend most of my time coloring, watching cartoons, or indulging in my creativity. The mind space is not sexual at all. What appeals to me most about being a little, is my ability to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone on a deeper level than physical intimacy or a Vanilla relationship. Being a little requires that you have utter faith in your partner that they will guide you, nurture you, and always have your best interests at heart.
Accepting and embracing myself as a little has allowed for huge amounts of growth. It has allowed me to develop a deeper relationship with my partner than I was ever capable of before. Being little allows me to push many preconceived notions out of my mind, and accept things as they are and as I believe them to be true. It unburdens you in many ways. This dynamic found me when I was doing relationship research online. I found an article on Tumblr describing a DD/lg relationship and it peaked my interest. Since then, it has been a long trip down the rabbit hole, but this Alice has finally found her Wonderland. My Daddy has a list of rules I am to follow. Many of them are simple self-care rules, but the structure it provides is absolutely necessary and a positive part of my every day. Some chores include doing laundry, or putting away the dishes, while others pertain to hygiene habits or emotional recovery. My lifestyle is 24/7; I am always Daddy’s babygirl, and he is always my Daddy. I am very open about my dynamic, and enjoy sharing my experiences with others. I currently run three separate DDLG specific groups on Facebook and they have helped me to learn even more about myself and my dynamic. My career pursuit is in human sexuality and I hope one day to become a sex therapist. The most important part of the lifestyle for all those involved, is the amount of trust that the person must have for their partner. This dynamic creates a level of vulnerability that many Vanilla couples do not experience.
DDLG from the perspective of a Middle:
As a Middle, with no little tendencies I feel I need to more outline what Middles like/do/how we behave rather than explain my dynamic, as I can see it’s already been thoroughly covered. So, as a Middle, I am not one for Sippy cups, I have no pacifiers, I do have a few teddy bears however they sleep on my drawers, not in bed with me. I am, in my mind, about 14-16, and I love everything that is aimed at teenagers. I dress in clothes from Supre, from Forever 21, from the “Young Miss” collection, and I own a bazillion headbands, clips, scrunches, pins and decorations. I love make-up in all colours, not just pastels. I love make-up full stop. I love short skirts and school dresses and plaid uniforms and leather backpacks, I love heels (sometimes mini-heels) and Mary-Janes (also known as school shoes!) and I love tights. I adore colouring in, however rather than using crayons I prefer coloured pens or fineliners, I love mandalas and designing my own pictures rather than using kids colouring books. Instead of Disney Princess books I read original versions of the Brothers Grimm or Young adult series like Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl or Nancy Drew (OMG I LOVE NANCY DREW). I do like my food in small pieces, but instead of baby food or fruit cups or mashed potatoes I enjoy finer foods that are presented beautifully; cakes, cupcakes, muffins, fudge, brownies, all with lovely icing or intricate designs. I love pasta but never eat dinosaur shaped pasta. I love fruit, but I don’t need Daddy to cut it for me. I
am midway between child and adult, I like to talk-back and get spanked for it. I love sticking my tongue out and knowing that when I do, he’ll bite it later. I adore having him read to me, I love when he does things for me, but I guess I am not as needy as a Little – not meant in a disrespectful way, more of a “I can kind of do most things myself and I enjoy doing most things myself, but it’s awesome to know he’s there when I need him” kind of way. I notice a lot of Littles calling each other Sissy… I honestly have to say I hate that. I have two sisters, they already take my makeup and steal my clothes and I don’t need anyone else doing that, thank you very much. Daddy says I have attitude – I like to say I have sass. Being IN this dynamic is natural for me. This is WHO I am instead of a ROLE I play. I think that’s what confuses some people.
BDSM is usually about role play, scenarios and contracts whereas DDMG is about two people who work together in a specific way and enjoy everything the other person is. I can’t really explain any further, but I need to make sure you all understand that being Middle is about being ME not about being this way for someone else, not for my Daddy, not for society, not for creeps online who send me messages asking me to show them my uniforms. It is about being self confident in the self you ARE not hating the person you become because you’re told to be a certain way. So, I guess, all in all, it is about total liberation.
J. B, Australia
DDLG from the perspective of a single Daddy:
I was, for a long time, in a loving and intimate DDLG relationship with a woman who identified as a Little. For me, the best thing about it was that she was only ever at her happiest when she was with me. I could bring that out in her and I know it is because of the implicit trust she placed in my hands. I placed that trust back and for many years it worked well. We parted ways due to work, she received a promotion and was offered a new position interstate, whilst I was tenured and had to remain where I was, where I still am. We attempted a Long Distance DDLG Relationship for a few months, but the lack of physical contact and lack of intimacy wore both of us down emotionally. She eventually asked to be released so that she could attempt to find a Daddy closer to her location. This hurt a lot and I took myself off the dating market for three months consciously. That relationship ended close to a year ago now, and although I have been on a few dates, both physical and online, with other Littles I have decided that for the time being I am happier concentrating on myself and allowing my heart to truly heal.
As an unattached Daddy, it can be difficult to have my desires met, so to keep myself sharp and focused as a DD I now mentor two Little’s online. Officially I am known as their protector, and they come to me with questions, with curiosities, they ask me to check out the profiles of the men they consider dating, they speak with me about their experiences and in return I can fulfil both of our needs for a non-sexual DDLG relationship. I wrote them both a list of chores, as both need structure in their lives, I wrote them a list of rules (the only one of which even remotely insinuates sexual conduct is that they feel free to explore themselves and never feel shame for their sexual desires, kinks, fetishes and needs.) and both have given me permission to reprimand them if they break a rule to avoid completing their chores by the end of the week. As it is a non-sexual relationship, their discipline revolves around time-outs, writing lines, writing essays, performing research tasks they wouldn’t otherwise have done, or exercise (as the entire point of discipline is to learn and better the self from the mistake made). This dynamic works well for all of us – and yes they know about each other. They have limited contact (their choice) but know they can reach out to the other if one feels I am being unfair, or they need to, for lack of a better word, have a ‘bitch’ about me or what not.
In my future Little, I am hoping to find someone who has experienced this dynamic before, or at least had a mentor or protector who will have explained the majority of the lifestyle to her. As each relationship is different I will create our own dynamic, and she will most definitely have a say in each rule or chore and punishment. I want her to be a woman in mind but a Little in heart, someone who knows what she wants, but is able to place her life in my hands for the true experience of being My Little Girl. I have no physical requirements – if I find her insides beautiful I will find her outsides beautiful.
I want a Little Girl who is truly Little, I am not one for Middles or Brats. I want a Little who will play with toys and dollies, preferably an ABDL (Adult-Baby/Diaper-Lover) who will call me Dadda and let me absolutely nurture her in every way from cleaning and bathing to feeding and clothing to reading her goodnight stories and powdering her botbot. I will be in charge of meals and food plans and her exercise regime and I will only give her chores to complete in her Big girl space – Little girls are too Little for chores, and when she is Little she will let me do everything.
To me, this entire dynamic is built on a foundation of absolute trust, honesty and love. Obviously love grows, but the trust and honesty needs to be there from the first point of contact. I have had a few vanilla relationships which ended quickly, and numerous BDSM relationships, from Master-Pet to Master-Slave, but DaddyDom-LittleGirl is by far the one that I most connect with, the one in which I feel best and the one that I know makes my partner feel most cared for.
A.L , UK
DDLG from the perspective of a Daddy to an Adult Baby:
My partner first introduced me to ABDL (Adult-Baby/Diaper-Love) when we were only three months into our relationship. I knew from the get go she was a Little, we met at a Munch and she was dressed in a pink striped dress with pig tails and holding a teddy-bear backpack. I actually found it rather endearing as she exuded vulnerability and fragility, which is something I myself was – and still am – lacking in. When we had been dating for a few months she asked me if I would diaper her. It was intimate and comforting and made me feel like I truly owned her. ABs need much more attention than Littles and Middles, and as such we live together and have done so since she first told me that diapering isn’t just about being cared for, but about having enough trust, faith and respect within your relationship to give into all fantasies and needs.
I cook for her, I clean for her, I am the Daddy “Dom” however she is really the one who Doms the relationship as I pander to her every single need. Our relationship revolves around her need to be adored, nurtured, cared for and loved. We never have sexual interactions when she is in AB mind space. The thought of that feels like a violation, in fact she asked me once if it was something I would like to do as she would for me, and I felt my stomach churn. When she is in that mind set she is as innocent as a baby, as sweet and lovely as a child, and the thought of someone touching children sexually disgusts, revolts and sickens me. We make love when she is in her Big Girl Mind Space and for us, this works.
I make sure to always have her best interests in heart, regardless of what I am in need of. Being a Daddy to an ABDL is a lot of responsibility, it is a full time job. I am not only making sure she is safe, happy, comfortable, warm and cosy, I am offering her a space to just be who she is without restraint, without judgement, without persecution, without weirdness. One of the many things she says to me when she is in her Big Girl Mind is that being absolutely taken care of in every way fulfils something inside of her that until she met me she didn’t even know existed. In her words “Powdering someone’s ass and feeding them a bottle is just an action. Powdering someone’s ass with love, and feeding them with care is intimacy.” I guess this speaks true for most relationships; in the vanilla community you can sleep with someone and it is just an action, but if you care for them then you pay close attention to their movements, their sounds, their breathing – you understand that it all comes together to create the glow inside that shines out when a person is truly fulfilled. Being powdered and diapered and fed gives her that glow – and giving her that glow gives me mine.
DDLG from the perspective of a Daddy to a Little:
I have been involved in the DDLG dynamic for three years, before which I was a Master-Dom. I became a Daddy as my current counterpart identifies more so as a Little than a Sub. I have come to find this lifestyle very appealing, especially the care aspect, it is intense and intimate; I brush her hair, bathe her, sometimes assist her in getting dressed, I take care of her when she is ill, I spoil her with gifts when I can; stuffies, new accessories for her dolls etc.
The discipline side does come into play, and for us it involves time-outs, discipline spankings – only used as punishment when she is insubordinate, she likes to bite hard on occasion and this needs to be reprimanded – withholding certain things she enjoys such as sex or toys or new gifts.
My Little has a list of chores she is to complete, although it is currently under revision, and includes things such as cleaning up after her mess when she does arts and crafts, keeping the living room and her bedroom tidy, performing laundry tasks, and vacuuming. These need to be done each day. Her Overarching rules are different; No masturbation without my permission, must have an escort when going out, no leaving the house after 10pm without me (these last two are her own personal safety rules that she insisted were included as she has anxiety and we live in a town with a certain type of reputation towards young ladies). All of her hard-limits are respected and she has the right to say no whenever she wants to, and anytime we make a decision about the relationship I always include her thoughts and opinions.
To me, being a Daddy means I have someone I need to care for, to guide, to protect, to teach and I don’t really act differently as a Daddy than I do as my everyday self. Our dynamic is 24/7 and this works well for us. Emotionally it makes me feel happy to take care of her, psychologically it makes me feel stronger and in control, physically this dynamic has assisted me in becoming healthier I am eating more and gaining weight as I am happier and want to take care of myself for her – plus she loves sweets so Daddy has to eat sweets too! Sexually, I am satisfied as all aspects of what I crave in a woman are present, she is cute and sexy, she is mature and immature, she is herself. I’m not really sure how to answer. Overall, this relationship, this dynamic is more fulfilling to me, and to her, than any other relationship, especially relationships formed within the Vanilla guidelines. It has brought out my natural caring and nurturing traits and allowed me to become more myself than ever before.
DDLG from the perspective of a Daddy to a Middle (with Little tendencies)
I first experienced BDSM at a young age. I realise now that research should have been my first step into this lifestyle as I was under the impression, at that time, that as a masochist I could only be submissive and spent four years wearing the wrong title, and feeling out of place within my lifestyle and relationships. I felt like I was wearing the wrong skin, and so after a time I undertook a lot of research and found that Doms could be masochists too.
I attempted Vanilla relationships for a time, however finding these extremely unfulfilling I came back to BDSM and began to nurture and enhance my inner Dom. One day my sub of the time called me “Daddy” instead of “Master” and it was as if a key had finally slid into the lock.
The most appealing aspect to me is the nurturing that my Middle requires. I am currently with my third DDLG partner and can honestly say I could never go back to a vanilla relationship.
I spent the majority of my waking hours taking care of my Middle and showing her how much I care. An average morning will consist of me making her breakfast, bringing her juice and putting on her shows first thing, just as a Daddy would do. By doing this consistently and with love she knows I am showing my care for her and this strengthens the bond between us, the bond that says that as her Daddy I will always protect, love and adore her. I make it my mission every day to prove this to her.
Her discipline consists of taking away her toys or denying her spankings when she wants them, but usually if I just act mad it is enough to make her cry and think on her behaviour. She doesn’t have a specific list of rules; we went over our expectations and regulations and each know what is expected of the other. As for chores, she knows if Daddy cooks then she does dishes, vice versa, we take turns in changing our children’s diapers, etc and I try to avoid overusing the “You will do as you are told” Dom mentality. She has brat moments and she very much enjoys pushing my own and her limits, she knows where the line is and she loves walking the edge. She dresses like a teenager and teases me relentlessly, she uses her body to attempt to manipulate me and as her Daddy I have to be careful that I don’t fall for her sexual trickery.
All aspects of our relationship are up for discussion and she is well aware of this, she has her safe works and we both know that their usage will instantly result in whatever it is she needs at that moment be it for the scenario to stop, for Daddy to hold her, whatever she needs. She has certain soft limits, but no hard limits that we have yet found.
She is an extremely fast learner, she watched me cook for a month and now can replicate most of my dishes although her bratty side comes out and she never allows me to watch her cook.
Being a Daddy, to me, is the greatest role ever, it means I am her whole world: her protector, her provider, her lover, her friend, and her Dom. I am a 24/7 Daddy and I never hide this from anybody. Being a Daddy gives me a sense of spiritual completion that nothing else ever had before, as well as heights of sexual pleasure unparalleled by any other means. Having a Middle rather than a typical vanilla girlfriend has helped me grow tremendously in every way I can think of – especially emotionally. Being a Daddy to a Middle makes you open up due to the emotional closeness they require to feel safe and content with you.
S. R, USA
There are many different types of Caregivers, and also mny different types of Littles. Within the Little and Middle dynamic there are also subcategories of each. Littles can are also known (primarily by their Caregiver) as:
- Baby Girl
- Daddy’s Girl/Mommy’s Girl
- and more.
Middles are known as the aforementioned as well as:
- and more.
These names may be seen by some as cutesy terms of endearment, however within the Caregiving paradigm each name has a different meaning, an individual connotation and unique understand to them. I will be delving further into the names and explanations of each in an article in the near future and will be including title explanations from Littles and Middles who identify with each different sub category.
Aside from the titles, there are different types of Littles and Middles in terms of gender or nongender. I have come into contact with numerous Baby Boys, who enjoy being called:
- Mama’s Boy
- Daddy’s Little Man
- and more.
Littles and Middles are not just male or female either nor are they strictly gender orientated. I myself am pansexual (I fall in love with a personality and a heart not a body – or as a friend of mine likes to say “hearts not parts”) and I have had discussions with Littles, Middles and Caregivers who identify as pansexual, transgender, nonbinary, asexual (the same relationship as mentioned above with no sexual engagement whatsoever regardless of the mindspace) and more. Caregivers come in all different forms too, and there is no one right way to be yourself or to love another. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, colours, genders, orientations, religions etc. and as long as all parties are safe, sane and consensual, then their love should be accepted.
Overall, the Caregiving dynamic is one created by a need from two people; the Caregiver wishes to nurture, to encourage, to take care of and engage with a person who can access their innocence, vulnerability and inner child, and allow them to be who they are with no judgement. A Little/Middle wishes to be seen and accepted as they are with no judgement and have a loving hand to hold as they are guided through their life with care, support, comfort, love, encouragement. To look up to someone who offers them everything they need in life to feel loved and whole. After having experienced this lifestyle, this dynamic, this type of love, I can never see myself returning to a type of relationship devoid of the intimacy that comes with the all-encompassing love and acceptance of DDLG.
R. Schirmer, 2015
Regena is a psychotherapist specializing in psychosexual education and awareness. She has over a decade of experience within the BDSM lifestyle and just under a decade of experience within the psycho-therapeutic field. Regena’s mission is to educate and enlighten the Vanilla community on the mental health benefits of BDSM activities, and to decrease the stigma attached to the BDSM culture.
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