Submission as a Choice: Empowering Yourself to Create the Life You Desire

Waiting for the Wind

In the world of BDSM, it’s common for submissives to wait around for a Dominant to come along and sweep them off their feet. They may have a vague idea of what they want in a Dominant, but they often don’t take the time to figure out what they want in life, in their submission, and in a relationship. They wait for someone else to define their role, their boundaries, and their desires. But what if this approach is backwards? What if the key to finding a fulfilling submissive relationship is to first figure out what you want and need, and then create your own submission?

A submissive who waits, like a ship anchored in the harbor, hoping for a Dominant to come along and fill their sails, is a common sight. But the sea is vast, and the wind may not come when desired. The truth is, a Dominant doesn’t want to be the one to create a submissive’s life. They want to be the one to enhance it.

When a Dominant meets a submissive, they want to see a person who is already whole, already complete. They want to see someone who knows their own desires, their own needs, and their own boundaries. They want to see someone who is confident, self-assured, and unapologetic about who they are.

But too often, submissives wait for a Dominant to tell them what to do, how to feel, and what to want. They are like blank canvases, waiting for someone to paint their picture. And while guidance and direction can be enjoyable, a Dominant doesn’t want to be the one to create a submissive’s entire life.

That’s why it’s essential for submissives to take control of their own lives. Don’t wait for a Dominant to come along and make your life for you. Start creating the life you want, right now so you can both live the lives you desire together.

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The Problem with Waiting

Waiting for a Dominant to come along and make you a submissive can be a recipe for disaster. It’s like waiting for the wind to blow and expecting it to take you where you want to go. But the wind is unpredictable, and it may not take you where you want to go. In fact, it may take you somewhere you don’t want to be.

When you wait for someone else to define your submission, you’re giving up control over your own life. You’re allowing someone else to dictate what you want and need, without taking the time to figure it out for yourself. This can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and disappointment.

Moreover, waiting for a Dominant to come along can also lead to a lack of self-awareness. When you’re not taking the time to figure out what you want and need, you’re not developing a sense of self. You’re not learning about your own desires, boundaries, and limits. This can make it difficult to communicate effectively with a Dominant, and can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of any healthy relationship, including a submissive one. When you take the time to figure out what you want and need, you’re developing a sense of self that will serve you well in all areas of your life.

Self-awareness involves understanding your own desires, boundaries, and limits. It involves knowing what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. It involves understanding your own emotions, needs, and motivations.

Ask yourself:

• What does submission mean to me emotionally, sexually, and spiritually?
• What boundaries must be respected for me to feel safe?
• What brings me joy, growth, and a sense of purpose within a dynamic?

When you have a strong sense of self-awareness, you’re better equipped to communicate effectively with a Dominant. You’re able to express your needs and desires clearly, and you’re able to set boundaries that are healthy and safe. You’re also better able to recognize when a dynamic isn’t right for you, and walk away without feeling like you’ve failed.

More importantly when one has a powerful sense of self they are able to choose to submit and serve from a place of strength rather than from a feeling of being compelled to submit from a place of lacking. When we lack a strong sense of self, we may feel compelled to submit or serve others out of a sense of obligation, fear, or need for validation. This can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and disconnection, rather than feelings of joy, fulfillment, purpose and connection.

Start Creating the Life You Want

Now that we’ve discussed the importance of self-awareness and figuring out what you want and need in a submissive relationship, let’s dive deeper into creating your own submission. This involves thinking about what kind of life you want to live, what kind of Dominant you’re looking for, and what kind of relationship you want to have.

Are you looking for a casual, fun-in-your-spare-time kind of relationship, or are you looking for a more serious, 24/7 total power exchange? Perhaps you’re looking for something in between. Whatever your desires, it’s essential to think about what you require and how you should show up in your life and relationships.

When considering your ideal Dominant partner, think about what characteristics they would have. Would they be strong and confident, or gentle and nurturing? Would they be a sadist, a sensualist, or something in between? What kind of complementary partner would they be looking for?

Here’s the thing: many people make the mistake of trying to become what they desire in a partner. If they’re looking for a strong, confident alpha, they think they need to become the same. But that’s not how it works. Dominants are looking for their opposite complement, not a mirror image of themselves.

So, what would your dream Dominant be, and what would the opposite complement be to that? Focus on fostering and nurturing those characteristics in yourself. If you’re looking for a strong, confident sadist, you might want to focus on developing your own eagerness and enthusiasm for receiving pain. If you’re looking for a gentle, nurturing Dominant, you might want to focus on developing your own ability to receive and respond to gentle, loving care.

In addition to developing your own characteristics, think about what skills you can learn that would enhance the life and Dominant you want to have. Do you want to be able to pamper, nurture, and care for your future Dominant through acts of service? Take some massage classes, enhance your cooking skills, or invest in some mani/pedi classes. Would your Dominant be health-conscious and want their most prized possession to be healthy? Attend some exercise classes, learn more about healthy eating for your body type, and prioritize your own physical and mental well-being.

You’re not creating yourself for another person; you’re building and growing to create the life you desire. By focusing on your own development and growth, you’ll become a more confident, self-assured, and attractive submissive who is ready to attract a Dominant partner who will appreciate and cherish you for who you are.

Let’s consider a few scenarios to illustrate this point:

• If you’re looking for a 24/7 total power exchange relationship with a strong, confident Dominant, you might want to focus on developing your own ability to follow rules and protocols, as well as your own ability to receive and respond to discipline and correction. You might also want to learn skills such as cooking, cleaning, and household management to be able to serve your Dominant partner.
• If you’re looking for a casual, fun-in-your-spare-time kind of relationship with a sensualist Dominant, you might want to focus on developing your own sensuality and ability to receive and respond to sensual touch. You might also want to learn skills such as massage, erotic dance, or other forms of sensual expression.
• If you’re looking for a relationship with a Dominant who values intelligence and wit, you might want to focus on developing your own intellectual pursuits and interests. You might also want to learn skills such as debate, public speaking, or writing to be able to engage with your Dominant partner on an intellectual level.

Whatever your desires and goals, the key is to focus on developing yourself and your own skills and characteristics. By doing so, you’ll become a more confident, self-assured, and attractive submissive who is ready to attract a Dominant partner who will appreciate and cherish you for who you are.

Elevating Your Submission with Purpose

Submission doesn’t begin the moment a Dominant enters your life. It begins the moment you choose to live intentionally—shaping your submission not as a reaction, but as a purposeful, integrated part of who you are.

This kind of submission isn’t built overnight. It’s cultivated through daily practices, values, and choices that reflect your commitment to growth, devotion, and self-respect. It’s not about waiting to perform for someone else—it’s about preparing to live fully in your role, whether someone is watching or not.

Ask yourself:

• How do I express my submission in my daily life, even when I’m alone?
• What routines, rituals, or disciplines can I build that reflect the values I want to bring into a D/s dynamic?
• How can I begin to embody the qualities of a submissive I respect—even before I meet a Dominant?

Elevating your submission with purpose means practicing service, mindfulness, and presence now. It means learning how to kneel before life with the same reverence you one day hope to offer a Dominant. It’s not performative—it’s preparatory.

Live the submission you long for. Build it into your habits. Let it take root in your identity. That way, when a compatible Dominant does arrive, they won’t need to wonder if you’re ready. They’ll see it in the way you already live.it. Just like with kinks, personality traits should balance, not mimic. Think about your own strengths and how those can fill in what your future Dominant might be missing or needing.

The Benefits of Creating Your Own Submission

Creating your own submission has many benefits. For one, it allows you to take control of your own life and your own relationships. You’re not waiting for someone else to define your role or your boundaries. You’re taking the initiative to create the life and the relationships you want.

Creating your own submission also allows you to develop a stronger sense of self. When you take the time to figure out what you want and need, you’re developing a sense of self-awareness that will serve you well in all areas of your life.

Moreover, creating your own submission can also make you more attractive to a Dominant. When you’re confident, self-assured, and clear about what you want and need, you’re more likely to attract someone who is interested in a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship.

Submission is not about being empty or lesser. It’s about becoming so grounded in yourself that your surrender is not a plea—but a powerful offering.

Stop Waiting. Start Becoming. Watch Your Life Become Real

If you’re only willing to give the bare minimum, don’t be surprised when the universe returns the favor. But if you’re ready to commit to growth, reflection, and showing up with intention, you will naturally begin to attract the type of Dominant who values exactly that so you can develop the life you have always desired.

So, what is the life you want? What is the kind of Dominant you want? And how can you be the complement to that, and bring the same level of value that you’re expecting from the Dominant to provide?

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to start.

Define your submission. Live it. And let your readiness speak louder than your longing.

That’s the power of choice. That’s the heart of conscious submission.