Safeword
What most people recognize about safety is that you need to always be able to communicate, even when you’re in the midst of a heavy scene, filled with role playing, humiliation or playing on the edge of one’s limits.
This is where the role of a safeword can come into play.
Generally speaking, there are a few types of safewords that can be used during a scene:
- Words that mean stop
- Words that mean slow down
- Words that mean something’s wrong – Medical issue, Past injury re-injured, Anxiety/Panic Attack, etc
Now, for some relationships, simply shouting out the problem is the easiest way to deal with a particular situation. If something is not going well or the submissive wants the Dominant to stop for some reason, they will simply tell the Dominant what is going on and the scene can stop or change direction.
But for others, the scene’s intensity might rely on the idea that they are both playing roles and that breaking these roles might cause the emotional response to be lessened – and that can cause a scene to dissolve.
This is where safewords can be used to alert a Dominant as to a problem or situation.
Some common safewords include:
- ‘Red’ for ‘Immediate Stop & End the scene’
- ‘Yellow’ for ‘Slow Down’
- Various object names – fire truck, elephant, blueberry pancakes, etc. Normally you name it after something that is highly unlikely to ever be said in normal conversation, but means enough to the person who uses it that it will be easily remembered during times of stress and/or panic.
You can certainly use any word that’s easy to remember and to say when you need to stop a scene for whatever reason – but it needs to be something that you both recognize and that you can both understand immediately.
When would you use a safeword
- When a person is in more pain than they are able to handle physically, mentally, or emotionally. Always keep in mind a person's pain threshold can be different everyday depending on a number of factors including stress, energy, mood, etc.
- When a person is feeling overly anxious, uncomfortable and/or unsure about a certain act
- When a person is feeling too scared to continue in a scene
- When a scene is begins to become too physically intense or emotionally overwhelming
- When a person is running out of breath and/or having a hard time breathing
- When a person notices something that might be harmful, dangerous or unsafe
- When a person feels something out of the ordinary about their person, ie tingle, dizziness, light headedness, etc
- When a person's soft or hard limits have been approached or crossed
A safeword is one of the most important things to include in your negotiations and key to a safe, sane and consensual (SSC) life.
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