Dominatrix Question: How Do I Get Inside My Boyfriends Head

I’m a 24-year-old girl with a 29-year-old boyfriend. We’ve been in a relationship for 5 years. I’ve always been used to being controlled, but now he wants me in charge. I’m not used to this and need a little advice, if you can help! Obviously I’ve been getting your emails, and they do help.

I enjoy being worshiped and knowing my boyfriend’s happiness in in my hands, but I’m not used to being mean and controlling like he wants me to. How do I find out how to get inside his head and please him by not pleasing him??

Thanks! LB, Pennsylvania

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Mistress Brianne’s Response

First of all, good for you for thinking about how to please your partner. It shows that you care about him and it’s clear that you’re up to the challenge o controlling him.

What you need to do first is start off with a sit down with him to find out what he wants from you and what he would feel pleased by. This should be a very detailed discussion (outside of the bedroom) that lists all of the things he wants you to do to him, as well as what he doesn’t want you to do to him.

Once you have an idea of what he wants from you, then you can step fully into the role of his Mistress, even if it’s not something you do all the time. You will want to make sure you’re giving it your all so that you’re able to see whether this is something that works for you.

And that’s really what the question is right now, isn’t it? You don’t sound necessarily unsure of what to do, but it’s clear that you need to have some sort of starting point.

What’s interesting about controlling someone else, even if you’re the one that likes to take orders, is that it can become fun. When you see the other person respond, you will begin to see that you’re able to make them happy, and that is a good kind of addiction.

In the beginning, you will want to start off with shorter sessions of training him and of controlling him. See what works, see what doesn’t. After you’re done with each session, sit down and talk about what he thought about it and how you might be able to improve.

This sounds less sexy than it actually is. When you’re able to work together in your BDSM relationship, you will build more trust, not only between each other, but also in yourself.

You will gain confidence and you will find that you are willing to try more things because you trust yourself to make good decisions about his happiness, and he will trust that you are able to please him.

A good way to begin is to set up a certain period of time in which you will try out this new arrangement. This time period could be a month or two months, or whatever you think is going to give you the best possible sense of whether this arrangement works for the both of you.

If you give it a change, and you really try hard, you will be able to assess whether this is something that will be featured in your relationship together. It may not work, but when you try, you may also find that it’s something that he already sees in you.

Having a submissive ask to be controlled is a gift, so see what you can do to make him happy. It can deepen your relationship, and it might just mean he returns the favor all the more.

Regards,
Mistress Brianne

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