Dom/me Question: How To Deal With A Submissive That Is Being Difficult

Dom/me Question:

Being new to the Dom side what are the best ways to control my sub/switch, when she tries to be difficult and bitchy and challenges me?

Thanks Todd


Master Bishop’s Opinion:

This is a question that comes up again and again, so know that you’re not alone in your frustration. I remember when I was first starting out and I had a slave that would test my patience continuously. While it was certainly maddening for a bit, it also helped me to learn how to control them effectively – and completely. And now I get to pass that information on to you.

One of the first things I do when a slave continues to be difficult is to sit them down before a session with me. I will ask them if they are happy within my service.  Sometimes a submissive can act out because they are not happy and/or are missing something that they very much want in their training.  This gives the submissive an opportunity to openly discuss any issues they might be having that W/we can hopefully resolve with some discussion.  Remember be open and none judgmental when listening to what your submissive has to say. The last thing you want to do is snap at your slave for being open and honest with you.  As a Dominant, we always must be open to learning and improving ourselves as Dominants and as individuals.

Now if the slave is happy and has no complaints about my Domination, I sit them down and have them kneel before me and I ask them if they are committed to being my slave. I ask them if they are willing to give control over to me. I might remind them what they have asked me to do to them, that they were the one that came to me asking to be Dominated and I might then ask them to tell me what they have promised to do for me.  I will also tell them what their difficult, bitchy behavior tells me, which is essentially that they don’t want me to dominate them and that they don’t respect me or my domination when they behave in such a way.

Though I don’t have to do this all the time, I find that when I do this a few times with difficult slaves, it reminds them of their place. It also reminds them about why they decided to enter into submissive training in the first place.

If this doesn’t seem to help, then I might do a few things that remind them why they asked me to take control and that I don’t appreciate or need such behavior when I am working so hard to provide them with what they asked for.

  • Put them in a corner – In some cases, I have taken a slave and placed them in a corner, facing the wall. They are to stay there and not move for a certain period of time. This might be an entire session, if they have been very difficult. I tell them why they are sitting there and then I have them think about their behavior. After the time is up, then they can tell me what they think about their behavior and how they plan on changing their behavior.
  • Try new discipline techniques – Simply put, some slaves get off on punishments, so they act badly in order to feel the pain they enjoy. Instead, I try out punishments that are more painful, i.e. caning. Of course, I need to have their permission to try new discipline techniques, but I’ll go over their contract to see what you both agreed upon. Humiliation is a great way to discipline. I might have them eat out of a bowl, not allow them to use any furniture or clean my house as a reminder of what their place is in the dungeon.
  • Suspend training – If the slave continues to act badly, then it might be time for something more difficult. I may avoid training them for a certain period of time. I will tell them what I am doing and I will tell them they need to let me know when they are ready to be a slave again. This does not mean avoiding them, or cutting them out of my life completely.  This just means that the domination that they crave will no longer happen until they decide they are willing to show the respect and appreciation for the work I provide.

Strong-willed slaves can be fun, but when they’re just trying to test their Master or Mistress, they are not actually slaves. They’re just trying to get what they want in the dungeon – and they need to be reminded of why they chose to be submissive and what they behavior says to you.

Certainly, they have a say and they are not being held against their will, but they are also not going to waste my time and my energy if they’re not willing to the proper respect and appreciation a submissive should.

And you shouldn’t put up with that kind of manipulative behavior either.


Master Bishop


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