While spanking is not required in BDSM nor does everyone love to engage in spanking, it is a popular kinky activity. Plenty of people get into spanking (or being spanked by) their partner and never get into BDSM at all. But for those who truly enjoy the activity — receiving or giving — there’s an entire world of impact play beyond a hand on a bottom.
Whether you love the control, the pain, or the intimacy of spanking, it’s worth exploring other avenues. Even if you don’t engage in anything other than your favorite bare-handed spanking, you may pick up some new tricks in the process.
For anyone who’s ready to take spankings to a new level and maybe add in a few toys or a new level of control and submission, take a look at some of your options.
Please Share If You Know Someone Who Loves Impact Play
Floggers, Whips, And Crops, Oh My!
Some might call these the kinky trinity of impact play. While gear isn’t required for any kind of kink, including impact play, floggers, whips, and crops are the most popular. Entire workshops and classes are lead and taught to help kinksters master techniques to inflict the most amount of pain or pleasure.
Each type requires different skills and provides a different sensation. And as any kinkster who’s been on the receiving end can tell you — using a different technique with the same toy can yield different results. From flicks of the wrist to a big swing of the arm, you can create everything from sharp stings and deep thuds with floggers, whips, and crops.
A Submissive’s Perspective:
I have loved spankings since before I knew I was kinky, back in the day when getting kinky meant having penetrative sex doggy style and getting smacked on the butt as my partner thrust hard and fast. Imagine my surprise to discover a world of toys designed just for impact play.
My personal favorite are floggers -- typically heavy floggers because I prefer a deep thudding sensation instead of a stinging sensation. Any paddle, flogger, crop, whip, or any other implement can sting, depending on how a partner swings it or at what angle it lands on your body.
The thinner the material, the more likely it is to sting but the type of materials matters as well. Suede, leather, and heavy wood offer more thud. Paracord, plastic, and light materials usually give off more sting.
Safety note:
Before you hit your partner with any implement, practice first. To understand how each implement feels, try a practice swing on your inner thigh (a highly sensitive area) or forearm.
For floggers and whips that require specific technique, practice on a pillow or your bed before you take a swing at a partner.
Transport yourself to a world of pure ecstasy with the impact gear designed with your naughty desires in mind
House Hold Pervertables
You don’t have to have a lot of money to get into impact play. Floggers, whips, crops, and paddles are fun and great to have. But they’re certainly not required. Look around your home, a local dollar store, or a home improvement store, and you’ll likely find all kinds of things that would make great impact play toys.
Common items include:
- Plastic or silicone spatulas
- Wooden dowels — the thinner, the stingier
- Wooden spoons
- Ping pong paddles
- A belt
- A small book
Literally anything that you can easily hold in your hand can probably be used for impact play. Be mindful of the weight and material, though. Too heavy and you may cause a sensation your partner doesn’t want. The wrong material can cut or mark your partner’s skin. While some people enjoy this, not everyone does.
A Submissive’s Perspective:
Pervertables are great when the budget is tight but you want to do something different. A few of my wooden spoons have been recommissioned from the kitchen to the bedroom. And a trip through a dollar or discount store often yields a few items that are great for spankings -- a ping pong paddle is a great example.
The problem with pervertables is that, because they aren’t meant for high impact, they can break more easily. I say that as someone who’s had a few hair brushes and ping pong paddles broken over my butt in the middle of a hard spanking. Thankfully you can buy them cheap, but if you find you love being hit with something, it might be worth upgrading to actual impact play gear.
While any spanking implement is great in a kinky scene, pervertables lend an air of authenticity in some role play scenes. Think of a ruler during a teacher/student scene. They also can help you feel carried away with the intensity of your scene. The need to spank and be spanked is so urgent your partner is willing to use literally anything to “teach you a lesson.” It’s a sexy kind of mindfuck that benefits everyone.
Safety note:
As with any other toy, always test it on yourself first so you know what to expect. Make sure to practice hitting an inanimate object, like a pillow or your bed, before hitting a person.
Not only do you need to get comfortable with the weight of your pervertable, but you need to learn to gauge the kind of impact you’re making. Too much and you could injure your partner.
Since house hold pervertables were never intended for the use of impact play the likely hood of them breaking is higher. Cracks, splinters and loose or jagged material can injury your partner. Always inspect your toys before, during and after use.
Erotic Face Slapping
Erotic face slapping isn’t for everyone, even kinksters who adore spankings. Because of the personal and intimate nature of it, slapping your partner’s face can feel like a violation or trigger past trauma. Never engage in even playful face slapping without first discussing it with your partner.
If you’re partner is willing to try, keep these tips in mind:
- Hold their head and face steady in your free hand.
- Focus the impact on the fleshiest part of their cheek.
- When first starting, using your fingertips more than your palm.
- As you both grow comfortable with erotic faceslapping, increase the intensity
Some people enjoy erotic face slapping as another form of impact play, while others use it as part of humiliation play. You can also enjoy it during other kinky fun like face-fucking or cock worship.
Safety note:
Watch your aim and only hit the cheek, not your partner’s ear. Never slap so hard that their neck whips around. Both can cause serious injury. You’ll also want to be mindful of how easily your partner’s skin becomes marked. You don’t want to create a red mark or bruise on their face that’s difficult to explain later.
A Submissive’s Perspective:
I adore having my face slapped. It plays into my humiliation fetish, and it offers a completely different kind of impact. It’s a stinging pain that can bring tears to my eyes that I enjoy even though I prefer a thudding impact. It also “puts me in my place” and reminds of who I am (His).
Although it’s meant to be a very powerful act of domination and impact, I have a responsibility to my partner when we play this way. I have to speak up if he hits me in the wrong spot (like my ear) or if some other area hurts beyond my cheek. While he’s typically very careful, I once felt my neck wrench a bit during a face slapping scene. I immediately spoke up, and we adjusted our play.
We play with face slapping during penetrative sex because each smack causes my body to clench around him. He enjoys that sensation, and I always feel myself fall into a light subspace when he hits me. It’s good for both of us.
Impact Punch
Like every other form of impact play, punching isn’t for everyone, and no, we’re not talking about a fist fight. Punching in impact play feels more like a deep tissue massage than anything else. As with all forms of impact, where and how you hit makes a difference.
It helps to have a familiarity with the body and muscle groups before you begin. If you’re unsure, your local kink community may have a massage therapist or two who can help you out.
Using the flat part of your fist — never the knuckles — make short, controlled jabs over the large muscles of the back, shoulders, buttocks, legs, and (for some) the chest. These areas tend to hold more muscle and fat so are able to absorb the impact. As your fist lands on their body, press and hold for a second to maintain the contact.
Wearing 20 oz boxing gloves can cushion the impact, and eliminate contact with the knuckles. However, do not be mistaken in thinking you can punch harder because you are wearing boxing gloves as this is not the case.
Safety note:
Avoid the face, spine, lower back (kidneys) and the soft tissue areas where internal organs are located -- the stomach and the sides of the torso. Without meaning to, you could cause serious harm and injury. Also avoid making contact with your knuckles as this can leave bruising.
A Submissive’s Perspective:
Punching sounds extremely violent, and that was how I thought of it the first time I heard of it. But we were taught the proper technique from a massage therapist. She showed us diagrams of the major muscle groups and walked my partner through exactly where and how to hit my body.
While a good spanking (or flogging or paddling) on the butt is something I love, punching is definitely in my top five for impact play. Every moment is a deep thud (my favorite!), and it’s extremely relaxing. I often feel like I’ve been massaged when we’re done. When my dominant hits at just the right intensity and angle, it can knock the breath from my body -- which is more intense than you might realize.
Like all other forms of impact play, I have to speak up if something isn’t right. When his knuckles land more than his fist, I say something. When the punch lands off-center, I say something. He takes it slow and methodical to be extra safe, and I monitor how I feel with each punch. It doesn’t take away from the impact. It keeps us both safe so we can play again later.
Consent is mandatory in any kink activity, and it’s important that both dominant and submissive communicate before, during, and after any impact play. While spankings and impact play can seem harmless simply because they’re popular forms of play, they come with inherent risks of injury and harm that can’t be taken lightly. Practice, communicate, and go slowly in any new form of play you try, especially impact play.
It’s okay to prefer spankings over every other kinky play, but you never know what you’ll discover until you look a little deeper. Only try what appeals to both you and your partner, but feel free to explore the wide world of impact play. You may be surprised at just how far you’re willing to take your experience.
By Kayla Lords
Professional writer, sex blogger, erotic author, sexual submissive, and kinkster, Kayla writes more than is probably healthy over at A Sexual Being and overshares about the kinky and mundane side of her BDSM relationship. Her mission: to make BDSM, specifically Dominance and submission, less scary, less weird, and much more real and attainable for anyone willing to learn more.
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The presence of a Dominant can be hugely comforting in public. Having their guidance and being able to follow their lead in real time can relieve the stress and pressure of making decisions! But sadly our Dominants can’t follow us everywhere (or vice versa!) and often we must operate without their immediate guidance. So let’s talk about how you as a submissive can respect and follow your Dominant’s guidance in kink settings when your Dominant is not physically present!
I received my first adult spanking the day my girlfriend left me. She thought I was too vanilla telling me I deserved a good blistering. she had me get naked and lay on my belly on the bed and gave me a long hard bare bottom barehanded spanking bringing me to tears. I was still bouncing up-and-down on the bed from phantom blows even after she stopped spanking me. She walked out the door and I never saw her again for 10 years.