If you’re new to the idea of having a sub, then you might not know where to begin. You’ve seen how BDSM relationships play out in movies and in books, but when it comes to real life settings, that’s when things get tricky. You can’t instantly train a sub. Training begins with a series of steps to create trust between you and your slave, a trust that turns into good behavior and mutual satisfaction in the BDSM aspects of your relationship.
Your sub isn’t going to listen to you if you haven’t already established some basis for trust. You can do this by simply showing up when you say that you will, being honest about what your intentions are, being open to learning more about your sub and following through with what you say you will. This trust period might take some time to build, especially if you and your sub are strangers, but it’s worth the added months of discussions.
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- Memorizing: Have a slave read an important passage within a book crucial to learning more about their submission. Help them memorize that passage through pain and pleasure and explain the importance of knowing it.
- Slave Positions
- Slave Commands
- Slave Hand Signals
- Social, Low and High Protocols
One important factor that you must remember about giving a slave a lesson, is that they first must be taught. A slave will only ever be as good as the Dom/me that teaches them. Also you can not punish a slave for not knowing something if they have never been taught. Keep that in mind when going into a lesson.
Be Clear about Your Goals
Before a lesson, it can help for your slave to hear what the goals of the lesson might be, and this means you need to create these goals ahead of time. This will allow your sub to know what is expected of them and what they should actively try to get from the lesson. If you’re not sure about the goal for the lesson, then your sub will not know if they are on the right track or not. You end up with the blind leading the blind. This leads to lots of frustration and confusion for both the Dom and sub. Know what your goal is before you even start.
Correct the Actions
During the lesson, you should be instructing the sub on what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. If they’re not able to perform the lesson, then you need to correct them until they understand your instructions. You might move them into another position or continue to explain to them what you want in order to see the results you desire. Now, the more skilled you become as a dominant, the more effective your instructions will be, and the less corrections you will need to make. Think ahead of time of the best way to instruct your sub, and you might find your sub understands you more quickly.
Retest the Sub
Once the sub seems to have gotten the lesson down, then it’s a good idea to retest them during the lesson. Make sure that the sub understands the lesson before you move onto anything new. If they’re having a particularly hard time with the lesson, then you may want to stop what you are doing to see why they are having a hard time.
Punish ONLY for True Mistakes
While you might be interested in punishing your slave for making mistakes, this is not necessarily the point of training. In most BDSM partnerships, the training is supposed to be effective, with the slave eventually getting what they need to do, doing it well, and then doing it again when asked. A slave that constantly tries to mess up their training is being disruptive and disrespectful of their Master or Mistress. The point is that the slave should eventually reach a point where they will not have to be punished.
That said, only true mistakes should be punishable. When you see that the slave isn’t paying attention to what they are doing or they constantly do something wrong, even though you’ve told them otherwise, these are times when you can correct them with punishments. But a slave that seeks only to have pain is not someone that is interested in training, so you should not be interested in ‘rewarding’ them with a painful punishment. Learn more about how, when and why to punish your slave here
Pleasure As A Teaching Tool
Many Dom/mes focus on punishment as their only teaching tool. In fact, research has shown that pleasure can actually be more effective in helping people to learn. Make sure you put down the cane and reward your slave when they get things right. Otherwise, your slave will just become terrified of you and their feelings of love will turn into terror every time you approach. While this sounds like fun, it can actually regress a slaves learning and devotion. Discover how to reward your slave more effectively to enhance their training here
In time, the steps to training a sub will become second nature, but in the beginning, it can help to write up the lessons before you get started. Discover the secrets to developing the slave of your dreams at Slave Training Techniques
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