Most of us can recall a time when we did something wrong as a child and then were punished for it. We were probably made to sit in a corner or take a ‘time out.’
When a slave has done something wrong, as W/we have learned from childhood, sometimes punishments can be effective at correcting the behavior that is if the submissive wants the behavior changed.
The point of the punishment is to link the inappropriate behavior with the feelings of the unpleasant punishment which will occur if the behavior is repeated. This allows people to learn (some learn more effectively from punishment than others) from their mistakes so they will remember to not let it happen again.
To do this, the Master/Mistress can employ a number of mind controls that will cause the slave to rethink their behavior and reconsider their future actions. Before you can include any kind of punishment training into your slave training there are a few necessities:
- Punishment training should only be incorporated into a long term Dom/sub or Master – Mistress/slave relationship. Going out and punishing someone who you don’t know, who doesn’t understand your rules is abusive.
- A submissive/slave must want/desire a change in their behavior.
- Like everything in BDSM, a long discussion must be had of what can and can’t be included in the relationship. Just as a on and off limits list is created for BDSM activities, so must a list be created of punishments that will be allowed and will not be allowed.
- All people involved in the relationship must agree to punishments being administered.
- A specific and clear set of rules must be established that are understood by both Dominant and submissive. It is important that both Dominant and submissive stick to the agreed upon rules. A Dominant changing rules without informing a submissive is cruel and a sign of a weak Dominant.
- If a safeword is called at any time during the administration of a punishment, everything must stop. A safeword is a signal that the submissive is in extreme distress and they can no longer handle what is going on. Ignoring this cry for help is abusive.
- Punishments must never ever be administered by the Dominant while angry. It is important punishments come from the Dominant while level-headed with a focus on correction not venting anger upon the submissive.
- Never punish without ever explaining why the punishment is being administered. Confusion can lead to resentment.
- Nobody can learn from punishment alone. In the end the proper behavior must be shown and/or taught to the submissive, so they can learn from their mistake. A strong Dominant leads by example not solely by punishment.
- Proper aftercare, love, support and comfort should always be given after a punishment. As a Dominant, W/we protect and care for O/our submissives. In times when they are down, W/we help to pick them back up to show them their true strength.
When it comes to D/s conversations, most people will immediately think of the punishment part of the equation. With that said, it should be noted that rewarding good behavior tends to work better when it comes influencing most people’s behavior. As it is a natural tendency for most humans to lean towards things they like, enjoy and makes them feel good.
As each slave/sub are unique, so are their desire and needs. For some slaves punishment is a necessity, something that they crave to feel more of a connection to their Dominant’s will. For these subs punishment can be a highly effective form of training. When one of these slaves does something incorrectly or misbehaves they desire to have their Dominant correct their wrongdoing as a reminder of who they have chosen to be in charge of their life and show them how they can grow to be a better submissive/slave.
Before you start dishing out punishments, the most important question to ask in terms of punishment is
Why Is The Punishment Necessary
In the course of training a slave, you will need to correct things that you and your submissive/slave dislike in their behavior and want to change. This might be things like attitude or complaining as an example. If you want a slave to be silent and only speak when spoken to, you will need to give some sort of punishment in order to get that point across if the submissive does speak out of turn.
Some Masters are stricter than others when it comes to naming punishable offenses. What can help is having a clear list of things that the slave needs to do and a clear list of consequences for things that are not done as required.
Of course, this list can be adjusted for the situation.
Here are some other reasons that a slave might be punished:
- Not showing proper respect
- Not communicating properly
- Not asking for permission
- Not completing a task
- Refusal to do tasks – despite asking for tasks
- Incorrect completion of tasks
- Leaving an area messy
- Not performing a position correctly
- Forgetting an errand/request
As with many lists, this could go on.
The point is to have a clear ‘If you don’t do this, this will happen’ system when training a slave. This way, there are clear expectations and clear consequences for missed expectations.
It’s imperative that there are punishments for when things are not done as agreed upon by both partners. There are two key components that need to be addressed when it comes to discipline/punishment.
1) Both the Dominant and submissive must agree on the rules that will be followed in the relationship. These rules are usually outlined in a contract that both partner’s will agree too.
2) Both the Dominant and submissive must agree on the punishments that are allowed to be used when a rule is broken.
Without this agreement and understanding, you can not punish a submissive. Not having clear rules and guidelines can be confusing for a submissive and lead to resentment. Make sure you both understand the rules you have created for the relationship, always stay within the limits set and only utilize the punishments that have been agreed upon.
Punishments to reach their goals
Another important aspect of why punishment can be necessary is to stay focused on a submissive’s goals and desires and ensuring the punishments follows suit. Explaining why you are punishing before each punishment is essential and linking that reason to the sub/slave’s ultimate goal is highly beneficial. It is also a good idea to sit down with the sub/slave on regular intervals outside of the dungeons and discuss their progress review what they have done well, what you are proud of them for, things they need to work on and areas that need improvement that the Dominant has had to revisit with punishments.
Have your submissive write out a list of goals they want to achieve in their submissive/slave training. This could includes things like:
- proper slave etiquette and protocols
- submissive service training
- submissive secretarial duties
- learning proper tea service
Once they have created a list of goals, work with your slave and create a list of lessons they will need to learn. Under submissive service training a list might include:
- Dinner service procedures
- where to stand to serve a dish, where to stand when not serving, etc.
- submissive service etiquette
- This could include speech training, eye contact, how to properly address Dominant and guests, etc
- submissive attire
- white gloves, shoes, the kind of clothes worn for serving dinner, the kind of clothes worn for cleaning house, etc.
Have your sub/slave agree to these goals and lessons. Having them sign their name to the list can even help to enforce the importance of abiding to their goals. As training proceeds, when lessons are forgotten, ignored and/or purposeful disobeyed reminding the sub why you are punishing them can be a truly powerful motivator. Hold them responsible to abide to their own desires and goals.
When Should Your Punish
The next question is when you should give the punishment. And the best answer is immediately after the wrongdoing has occurred.
For punishments to be effective it is essential they be administered as soon as the infraction occurs. For example many people have learned in childhood not to touch the stove when it is hot. Despite all the warnings W/we heard many still had to touch the stove and when they did they were instantly burned. The brain immediately taught itself that a hot stove and skin lead to a bad situation, so don’t ever do that again. While not a punishment it showcases how fast feedback helps teach people when it comes to negative reinforcements.
If people didn’t feel the pain from the stove until hours or days later, they may not link the two and thus the negative reinforcement connection would be weaker.
However, sometimes this doesn’t always work out in real life. Many times an infraction can occur when the Dominant isn’t around, or when Dom/sub are in public and punishment isn’t possible to administer. Life happens and O/our submissive training must adjust around it.
What you will want to do is try to give the punishment as soon as possible after the actual infraction, in order to maintain the sense of connection between the wrongdoing and the punishment. When the two are too spread apart, the slave may not make a strong connection between the punishment and their wrongdoing.
Sending friendly reminders via text, email or voicemail can help to link a future punishment with an infraction that has already occurred. The reminder can state the offense that was committed and the punishment that will be administered at the earliest time. Or a Dominant can carry a slave training journal, where you can keeps notes and observations. This little black book can also be used to keep track of punishable offenses when out in public. Watch your sub’s eyes widen every time that book comes out and a mark is logged for a punishment. Sometimes giving a submissive time to stew in their own juices can make the punishment even more excruciating.
Let’s start with what might be used as a form of punishment:
- Humiliation techniques
- Verbal correction
- Loss of privileges
- Increased rules
- Increased serving responsibilities – (cleaning all the silverware, cleaning all the bathrooms, cleaning all the bathrooms with a toothbrush, etc)
How To Punish A Slave
Lecture – For a submissive that wants to do nothing but please their Dominant, sometimes all that is needed is showing them a deep state of disapproval and disappointment in their actions and behaviors.
A stern lecture discussing what they have done wrong, how truly disappointed you are and how you expect them to improve upon their self in the future can be more than enough to put a sub back on the straight and narrow.
Sending the submissive to a certain room and/or to sit in a certain chair can help to reinforce your displeasure. This would be denoted the punishment room or punishment chair. Any time they are sent to their room/chair they will immediately know they’re in trouble. It can help to increase the immensity of disappoint the sub feels from their Dominant.
Corner Time – While this sounds almost trite after remembering that your parents used to make you do this, it’s a highly effective exercise. Not only does it keep the slave in a space where they can not argue, it gives them time to think about what they did wrong and that they are not worthy of being in their Master/Mistress’ presence until they are truly sorry for what they have done.
Have your submissive stand, stand on their tiptoes, kneel, squat in forced position or however else you would like them to be as they face the wall. Many Dominants will have a slave stand in a corner near them, but have them place their nose either close to the wall or have them hold a quarter against the wall with their nose, while remaining silent to show that they are being punished not only by the position but also by the lack of attention from the Dominant.
Give them a specified time where they will wait and think about what they have done wrong to warrant this punishment as you should have explained to them why they are being punished before sending them to the corner. When their time is up or when you allow them out of the corner, ask them if they are sorry and what they are sorry for. If they don’t know why they should be sorry or what they did wrong, you can do one of three things. You can either, end the scene and discuss in more detail outside of the scene why you felt it was important to stop the scene so you could talk about what your submissive has done wrong. You can send them back into the corner to think about why they should be sorry. Or you can proceed to any of the other punishments.
Writing Lines – It sucked having to do them as a kid in school when you did something wrong and it still sucks to do them as an adult. Having your submissive write out how they are sorry for what they have done wrong one hundred times is a painful and arduous process, but also helps to etch the lesson into their mind…For example: “This submissive is sorry for rolling her eyes at Master” Some Dominants find that making slaves write pages of the phrase over and over is most effective. Try to keep the phrase short and easy to recall, as you want this to be in the mind of the slave long after the punishment has been issued.
Write An Apology Letter – Have your submissive sit down and actually write a heartfelt apology letter. Then they can kneel before you as they read this apology letter. If this letter does not meet your satisfaction either have them do it again or proceed with one of the other punishments to give them time to think before rewriting the letter.
The apology letter should include:
- What they did wrong
- Why they chose to commit this act
- Why they are sorry for doing it
- What they will do to make sure it never happens again
Loss Of Privileges – Simply put, some slaves get off on punishments, so they act badly in order to feel the pain they enjoy. Instead, use discipline techniques they don’t enjoy. Many people take the day privileges for granted. That is until they no longer have those privileges. Types of privileges that can be revoked:
- Access to their favorite body part – For example: If they love their Dominant’s feet don’t allow them to touch your feet for a set period of time. Of course you can continue to tease them by looking at your feet but they are not allowed to touch them. If they continue to misbehave, don’t even allow them to look at the body part they love so much.
- Loss of clothing privileges – Forbid the wearing of their favorite clothes, don’t allow them to wear certain items (ie pants, or underwear) when in public. Don’t allow any clothes while at home (in private) for a certain period of time.
- Loss of Daily Amenities – Don’t allow them to eat at the table with their Dominant. Don’t allow them to use utensils. Don’t allow them to use any furniture.
- Loss of luxuries – Everybody enjoys being pampered from time to time even submissives do after long days of service; a massage, manicure/pedicure, bubble baths, etc. are nice luxuries that can keep a submissive happy and eager to serve. They can also be revoked if they are breaking the rules. This can even include withholding orgasms.
- Loss of appearance – Most people care about how they look, even people who say they don’t spend countless hours in the bathroom grooming themselves. Some Dominants have taken away shaving privileges, not allowed hair to be cut or styled and revoked makeup privileges for weeks at a time. This is a painful experience for a submissive that takes great pride in their appearance. It can also be a constant reminder of their wrongdoing.
The good thing about using the Submissive Color Collar System is that you can also use it to punish a slave when they misbehave. As a submissive/slave learns and grows into their skills they will graduate to a new colored collar. This shows the submissive, you and everyone else how far they have come.
If a submissive is not behaving up to the standards of their title and collar, you can simply remove the collar and replace it with a collar that you feel they need to retrain in. Essentially, you are demoting them and nobody likes to be demoted.
This is a strict punishment, showing the submissive that they have disappointed you, and that they obviously need to relearn some basic skills that they should have already mastered. Their desire to get their old collar, title and their Dominant’s approval back should snap them into order.
The Physically Straining Punishments
If I’m feeling especially mean or saucy, I might punish a slave by having them do things that are more physical in nature (as long as they are physically healthy and capable of handling it). What this means to me is that I might have a slave hold themselves in an uncomfortable position, one that could not possibly give them any pleasure.
Some examples of this might be:
- Sitting with their knees bent and their back against the wall (They should look like a chair) for an extended period of time. To make it worse I might even sit on them as they are straining.
- Crouching in forced position while holding a quarter against the wall with their nose
- Sitting on a car mat with the poky bits up (a new unused car mat)
- Kneeling on small bits of ice or rice on the floor
- Lifting heavy rocks or bricks from one pile to another and back again.
- Holding up a plate, cup or bucket of sand, water or rocks in an outstretched hand for an extended period of time.
You get the idea. The slave might still get pain as a punishment, but it might not be the kind that brings them any pleasure – nor should it.
Physical discipline – The ‘easy answer’ for punishment is generally physical discipline, like spanking or flogging. The number of spankings can be determined by the severity of the infraction or by how many times a rule is broken. If rules are broken when the Dominant is not around or while in public the infractions can also accumulate until the Dominant has the time to inflict them.
Other ideas are to create a tight bondage position that the slave must endure for a certain length of time so they have are constantly reminded of their wrongdoing.
Physical punishment should be the least used punishment if ever used at all. Remember one thing if your slave enjoys physical punishment, then this is not punishment but a reward and encourages their bad behavior.
There are a number of ways that you can use punishment with a slave, but the one that you choose needs to be one they associate with punishment. For example, if a slave enjoys being spanked, but doesn’t enjoy being caned, the caning might be a preferable punishment. That is if the submissive has agreed to allow a cane to be used to administer punishment.
All forms of punishment must be agreed upon by both partners before it can be used as a form of correction. And if a submissive calls out their safeword during the dispensing of a punishment, the punishment must be stopped as a safeword is respected at all times. Even during a punishment. I know I am repeating myself, but that should show you how important of an point this is.
With that said, most of the time physical punishment is not a helpful form of punishment. Physical punishments tends to just teach a masochistic submissive to misbehave so they can be punished, which is the exact opposite of what you want to do.
For slaves that are not masochistic, physical punishment can lead more often to resentment than correction.
If you choose to use physical punishment, clear communication between both partners must be kept at all times to ensure no longer term physically or emotionally harm is committed to the submissive
The one punishment of last resort is stopping all training and give them a set period of time to think about what they have done. Whether this means that you discontinue training for a while or you simply refuse to train them until they begin to follow your rules again, that’s up to the Master or the Mistress. I would simply say at the end of the training session that went badly that I was upset and that I felt that we could not train again until the slave straightened up their thinking.
I might offer one more training session for the slave to prove me wrong, but if that didn’t work, I would stop training together for at least a week. During that time, the slave would need to write down the reasons why they weren’t following commands, why they were being manipulative, and what changes they are going to make to rectify the situation.
Again, this is a punishment of last resort. It is always better to work with a slave to help them see the error of their ways, rather then just pushing them away. However, if you have spent the last 6 months trying different punishments and your sub is still trying to be manipulative or refusing to obey. Then a break might be needed for the slave’s punishment and for the Dominant to re-evaluate what it is they need from this training as well.
New To Punishment Training
Before a punishment is ever administered a Dominant must first ask if the rule was clearly understood. Many times in life, it is not the student who misunderstood, but the teacher who did not clearly explain it.
Drawing up a clear standard of punishments for the slave can be helpful for both Master and slave. This way both partner’s have a clear understanding of rules and consequences. This way nothing is left up to misinterpretation, both Dom and sub are clear about what will happen.
While the punishment should always fit the crime, it can be hard to know what punishment fits a crime when you are just learning who your new submissive is. There is a learning curve with all things BDSM, as each submissive is unique and different in regards to their submission, desires and reactions. When just starting to incorporate punishment into your slave training jumping to the harshest and most serve punishment is never a good way to start out. Not knowing exactly how a submissive will react, anything can happen, emotional pain, fear, physical injury, and/or resentment from the submissive. As Dominants, W/we are meant to protect O/our submissives from such harm.
Instead, increase the severity of the punishment slowly. This gives the Dominant time to learn about their submissive, their needs and how they react to different punishments, and what works best for them. This also removes the chances of introducing something that the submissive is not prepared for that could cause harm.
For some submissives all it takes is one disappointed look and a stern lecture to help them correct their behavior. There is no point introducing any punishment that is more stern or strict if a lecture can correct the behavior. Give yourself and your submissive a chance to learn from different punishments and which punishments prove to be more effective over time for them.
Take your time to learn about your submissive, that is the point of punishment training. Not to just handle out punishments for punishment sake.
Example Of A Progress Infraction/Punishment List
Inappropriate language – Lecture
Inappropriate language second infraction – corner time for 15 minutes
Inappropriate language third infraction – Write out “This slave is sorry and will not swear again” one thousand times.
Inappropriate language fourth infraction – Have the slave write out a degrading statement about their filthy mouth one thousand times
Inappropriate language fifth infraction – sub is no longer allowed to speak with set period of time. All communication must be written.
Inappropriate language sixth infraction – sub is no longer allowed to speak with set period of time. All communication must be written and removal of cell phone privileges.
Inappropriate language seventh infraction – bar of soap (nontoxic, no perfumes) held in mouth for x minute(s)
Forget slave command/action/protocol/etiquette – Lecture, reeducation on lesson
Forget slave command/action/protocol/etiquette second time – corner time for 15 minutes
Forget slave command/action/protocol/etiquette third time – Repeat the correct behavior/action 100 times
How you set the intervals will depend on where the submissive is in their training. Multiple infractions might happen within the same day when just starting out. It might take weeks for multiple fractions to occur or even months. Keeping a book with a record can be helpful to keep track of infractions and which punishment is needed.
Another good system for keeping your sub on track is to warn them of future punishments. Let them know the next punishment will not be as easy and what they will suffer if they refuse to obey.
The whole point of interval punishments is to learn. If you have repeated the process multiple times within the last few days and the submissive always repeats the same error immediately after say being punished with a lecture than obviously lecturing alone is not an effective punishment. Next interval, incorporate a stern lecture while the submissive sits in corner time. As you progress in your training, work towards eliminating or incorporate punishments to find a punishment style that your submissive responds too. This means a punishment that either eliminates the behavior or extends the reappearance of the behavior for as long as possible.
Never eliminate a stern lecture, as a lecture displays your disappointment which a sub should not be looking to do. A Lecture also allows you to express why you are punishing, what they did wrong and what they can do to correct their behavior. However, if corner time, writing lines, etc are not helping to motivate the sub’s behavioral change, than eliminate it and move on the the next. Pinpoint the punishments that work for your submissive through process of elimination.
As with any BDSM scene you must always provide your submissive with aftercare. A time when you give them support and comfort as they calm down from an intense scene. You can not punish a submissive and leave them. Once a punishment has been administered it is important that you give your submissive the support and comfort that they need.
If you are not willing to take the time to be there after a punishment, you should not administer the punishment in the first place.
Let It Go
Once the punishment has been administered it is extremely important that both participants let go of any negative feelings. I know this sounds strange and can be difficult to do but it truly is an important part of punishment play/training. The point of punishment training is to administer a correction to bad behavior so the submissive can learn and grow from. It is not meant to cause the submissive to beat themselves up for doing something wrong and for the Dominant to continue to resent the submissive for the mistake. That defeats the entire purpose of administering the punishment.
Dominants: Once you have administered the punishment and the submissive has apologized and shown genuine remorse, you must forgive. It is inappropriate and cruel to hold onto any resentment for the wrongdoing/mistake. Now is time to lead with forgiveness. If the submissive continues to make the mistake, it is the fault of the leader. Do not blame and resent your submissive, instead focus on understanding how your submissive learns.
submissives/slaves: It is natural to feel resentful towards a person that punishes you. W/we all hated the teacher who used to make U/us write out lines or the parent who sent U/us to O/our room from time to time. However, it is unfair to request your Dominant to dominate you and punish you when you misbehave only for you to resent them for doing it. If this is truly what you want, than you need to take responsibility for your actions.
If you discover this is not what you want or you have a hard time letting go of your negative emotions towards your Dominant, than you need to have a serious discussion with your Dominant.
Also, a punishment means no more beating up on yourself for making the mistake. You have made an amends, now is the time to learn and move forward. Dwelling on your mistake and tearing yourself down is not helpful to you, to your growth and to your Dominant. If your Dominant has forgiven you, than you should learn from their example and forgive yourself. That is the best way to learn.
If either partner finds they are having negative feelings developing because of any kind of punishment play/training, then you both need to sit down outside of training and discuss your feelings. The point of punishment training is to provide the environment that both partner’s desire and need, if it is not creating that things must be changed or removed completely from your relationship. What is important is developing the healthy loving Dominant/submissive relationship, not living a life you think you should be living because that is what you seen in somewhere.
If you have a favorite punishment method or system or are a sub and have found a certain punishment to be more effect in your training please feel free to share it in the comment section below.
W/we can all grow when W/we share what W/we know.
Wishing you all the best in your training,
The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 14 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 11 years. Join Master Bishop on Google+
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