After a Bad BDSM Scene, What Do You Do?

Just like a bad date, you might feel awkward and confused after a bad BDSM session. Maybe the slave couldn’t reach any of the goals set by the Master or Mistress, or the Master or Mistress just couldn’t get the slave to do anything they wanted them to do. Whatever happened, the session just didn’t go as planned. Both parties might be feeling bad at the end of the session and neither may know what to do. But these things happen. It’s what you do after a bad session that helps to predict whether another one is going to happen.

Find Out What Went Wrong

You can’t fix a problem until you figure out what went wrong in the first place. You will want to sit down together after a bad scene, maybe in a day or two, to help figure out what happened. This meeting should take place outside of the bedroom and be when you are both calm and not in a rush to be anywhere. You need to have the time to sit down and honestly talk about what went wrong from your perspective. Both parties should have an opportunity to talk and to use ‘I’ statements in order to be as non-threatening as possible as you speak. Or you might have both parties just write out what they think went wrong and then share these pieces of writing with each other – via email or in person. Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t want to list every little thing that went wrong. Just keep your list to no more than 3 things that you feel needed to be improved.

Make a Plan for the Next Time

Once you have determined what you think may have gone wrong, it’s time to figure out how you can avoid these issues in the future. This requires being a bit more diligent about planning your sessions ahead of time. While you might not have to plan ahead in the past, it is especially important when you are trying to overcome a problem with the last session or two. Sit down, talk about the session, what will happen, and what the goals will be. This way, you can focus on what you’re doing right from this point on and then if further adjustments need to be made, then you can try another plan from that point on.

Accept That Things Happen

Of course, you need to be realistic. Even the best BDSM relationships will have troubles from time to time. Someone might be tired or stressed, or someone might just make a mistake without realizing it until later. Instead of stressing out about the misstep, you need to realize that most of the time, things will go just the way you plan. But at other times, they will not – and that is okay. The mistakes are a great wakeup call to reassess the way things are going and how you might want to change things to make them even better. And while it might be tempting to blame one person or the other for things that happen, addressing the problem as a team will ensure that once-in-a-while problems don’t become long term issues.

The good news is that 99% of the time, you won’t have significant problems in your BDSM relationship – or, at least, no more so than you would have in any other relationship. The only real trouble happens when you don’t address the issue when it first happens. Address the problem, make a plan to avoid the mistakes in the future, and then accept that you have done all you can. That’s the way to encourage smoother sailing in the future.

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Regards,

Master Bishop

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3 thoughts on “After a Bad BDSM Scene, What Do You Do?”

  1. You have no idea how much the training tips have helped me to be a better submissive. So often people believe it’s just the body when it’s so much more than that. It’s in the mind and in the soul. I’ve found your tips useful beyond words, Thank you so much!!!

  2. Master Bishop,
    I had to write you to say thank you so much! As i’m a newly owned submissive by a Master in training we are growing together and your course and your tips have helped us in so many ways! I have shared my course with my Master and He got so much out of it that Hes now looking for a similar course to help him as Master. Thank you so much for all you do!

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