Am I Kinky Enough?

Hi Master Bishop & Mistress Sophia,

Your information has helped me to learn so much. Thank you.

I enjoy some spanking and light bondage during sex. I’m just curious does that make me kinky?

Sincerely,

J.S. Calgary
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Hi JS and thanks for your email.

Everyone wants to label and define what they do in the bedroom. Are you kinky or are you vanilla? Are you risqué or are you perverted? And in no other realm of bedroom enjoyment does this happen more than when it comes to BDSM.

It all depends on what you enjoy. The question of whether you’re doing it ‘right’ or ‘hard enough’ is one that many beginners ask. Here’s what you need to know.

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What is BDSM?
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In its strictest definition, BDSM stands for Bondage Domination Submission (or Sadism) and Masochism. Here’s what that tends to include:

* One person is bound in some way.
* There is some sort of power exchange in which one person gives up their control.
* There may be some sort of pain component of the play sessions.
* These kinds of activities may or may not be a part of the relationship.

What you will not notice in this list is any hard and set rules about what BDSM is and what it is not. This is because BDSM is something that only two people (or more) can define within their particular relationship. This is why so many BDSM relationships have contracts and guidelines they setup beforehand. These contracts and lists will often define in minute detail what the relationship and the sexual play will contain.

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Is There a ‘Right’ Way to Do BDSM?
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If you’re engaged in lighter bondage and some control play with someone else, chances are good that you could consider this BDSM, just a very light form of it. Think of sexual play as something that has levels. The first level is general sex and lovemaking. The next level might be some kinkier things like role playing, light bondage, and toys. And the next level up might be heavier toy play, heavier bondage, and perhaps some gender play. The top level might be hardcore bondage and control play, along with edge play and other fetishes.

This is not to say that one level is better than the other, of course. Everyone just has different tastes and different levels of pleasure.

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Let Me tell you a story:
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I know one person who only enjoys being spanked and having her hair pulled. She has tried bondage and other forms of BDSM and learned that she just didn’t enjoy it. All she likes is having her hair pulled and being spanked.

One night she went to a fetish party and a Dominant who she has never spoken to before asked her what she enjoyed. When she told him said “You’re not kinky” and he walked away.

The frustrating part is when she dates vanilla guys and she asks them to pull her hair and spank her they look at her like she’s crazy.

So now she wonders am I kinky or not. Really she shouldn’t be asking herself whether or not she is kinky. Your kink is your kink. Once you know and understand what you enjoy you just need to find someone who shares the same interests.

In the end, if you’re worried about how kinky you are, you might not be having as much fun during sex as you should be. Kinky isn’t something you can measure for certain, as some people think sex itself is kinky, while others don’t think anything is kinky until you draw blood. Stop for a minute and forget about whether your habits in the bedroom are kinky and think about whether you’re having a good time. That’s all that matters. If you’re not having a good time, you need to find out why and work to fix it by adding or subtracting fantasies.

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As You Continue to Explore
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What you might find as you continue to use light bondage and spanking in your relationship is that you will want to explore more. You might find that you need more in order to get the same pleasure from the experience. Harder, deeper, stronger maybe even different toys, etc. Many people find that they like to start off with light play sessions and then eventually try out new things until they are satisfied with their love life. This doesn’t mean everyone wants to head to the leather and ropes, but many people find they like to push their edges more and more. Remember you never have to do something that you don’t want to do.

What you call your love life is up to you. No one else is going to be watching anyway.

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If you would like to understand what it is that lights your fire and learn more about BDSM and other fun kinky acts visit===> The BDSM Slave Training Tutorial
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Regards,

Master Bishop

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