Is It Coincidence?

Creating Boundaries From Scratch

My upbringing didn’t prepare me for the concept of boundaries. Instead, I learned that privacy was seen as a negative and equated to secrecy. I also learned that self-sacrifice was one of the cornerstones of love and that to say no to someone you loved made you a mean, evil person. Needless to say, I left home primed and ready for victimhood, codependent relationships, and heartbreak. I found myself in situation after situation where I was constantly made a doormat. It didn’t matter how nice I was or how often I changed myself, the expectation was for me to take all of my partners’ negativity and smile while doing so. It had gotten to the point where mistreatment was so normalized, I could never see the warning signs and found myself in one soul-sucking relationship after another.

Learn To Compartmentalize Your BDSM Self

Much of what we do in BDSM involves roleplay, and not just the ‘strict teacher / naughty student’ dress-up variety. Simply acting as the top or bottom in a scene is a role in itself, complete with its own responsibilities, energy, and intentions. The more we’re able to immerse ourselves in the headspace of our role during play, the more powerful the experience becomes. The intense experiences we have during play have the potential to transform our everyday lives, for better or worse. For BDSM to be a healthy practice, it’s crucial that we refine our ability to cleanly separate fantasy from reality. Learning to compartmentalize BDSM will allow you to reap the benefits of kinky sexploration while continuing to function harmoniously outside the bedroom. If we don’t learn to compartmentalize, BDSM can end up negatively impacting our psychological state, our relationships, and even our career.