My Boyfriend Wants Me To Dominate Him

Dear Mistress Sophia,

My boyfriend has asked me to dominate. Your emails have been a
great help. I’m not a cruel person so I’m having a hard time.
How do I lose my soft touch and become a Mistress?


V.W. Halifax


Here is My response:

While many women look soft and mysterious, many more women are
looking to get in touch with their dark and nasty side. They want
to be that woman in the leather with the crop and the dirty talk.
But as many women have been told for years that they need to be
soft and gentle, turning on your freaky Mistress persona may not be
as easy as it seems. Not to fear – there are plenty of ways to get
in touch with the Dominatrix inside of you.

Why Do You Want to Be a Mistress?

Before you even begin to shop for your next whip, you need to stop
and ask yourself why you want to be a Mistress in the first place.
Do you want to please your partner or do you want to try out
something that sounds hot to you? There isn’t a wrong answer here,
but those who aren’t actually ‘into’ being the one in control might
have a little more trouble going over to the dark side, so to
speak. It’s not impossible, of course, but recognize that you
might have to work a little harder to be a little nasty.

If you’re already turned on by the idea of making someone lick your
boots, you already know the reader for your Mistress desires – you
want a slave to kneel before you and do whatever you ask.

Ask Yourself What You Enjoy

To start things off, you need to start looking at yourself as the
one that is going to call the shots – because that’s your role as
the Mistress. And whatever Mistress wants, Mistress gets. So,
what do you want to do? What do you want to make your slave do for
you? Get creative here. You might want to make a list of the
things you might want to do to someone else, or you might want to
make a list of the things you want a slave to do for you. This is
going to help you start fantasizing about what your actual play
scenes will look like and what you need to do in order to turn your
dreams into realities.

Look at Your Options

It never hurts to look at a few BDSM flavored websites to see what
these fine folks are offering. You might get inspired to try out a
few discipline devices – whips, crops, bondage, etc. Take some
time to look around and see what really tickles your fancy and
seems like something you could handle with authority. After all,
you want your slave to believe you are in control. Buy a few
things and then try them out on your own. This way, you’ll know
what you’re doing before you even see a sub kneel before you.

Watch the Sub Change into a Slave

You need to have a plan in order to be a Dominatrix that strikes
fear and love into the hearts of her slaves. What you need to do
is to have a few things in mind:

* Plan ahead
* Set the scene
* Have the tools ready
* Watch your slave
* Discipline and correct as necessary

The more you plan, the easier it will be to get into the Domination
part of your fantasy. Think about what you want to do, and even if
you don’t follow your own plan perfectly, at least the slave will
think you are in control at all times. And there’s nothing hotter
than watching a slave squirm to please you.


Getting in touch with your Mistress side takes a little practice, and a lot of knowledge but once you get started, you’ll begin to see just how rewarding controlling someone else is. And that soft touch will be a thing of the past. For more information on how to unleash your inner Dominatrix go to:

Dominatrix Training Tips

Don’t forget the advanced Dominatrix lesson to getting you sub to do whatever you want from just the sound of your voice.

How To Talk Like A Dominatrix


Mistress Sophia

P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!

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10 thoughts on “My Boyfriend Wants Me To Dominate Him”

  1. now mistress cheryl

    when i first was introduced to this lifestyle i had no clue of what i was doing. but i found out quickly that no matter what i thought was right was wrong! i cut off circulation and thought of everything that ever happened to me in the past(which i found is a dangerous thing) if a person is interested in being dominated the skittish, the meek,the person who has but a mere fantasy,be careful! if it starts light(so to speak) meaning; a simple tap on his ass! you will know right off the bat if he wants you to continue! most likely he will want you to do it harder! light ball tapping i have found to be quite succesful(it does hurt a bit but the pleasure afterwards is fucking incredible! start with a strong voice as i have learned from mistress sophia sometimes it is not what you do but how you do it!if your man is interested he will do almost anything you want or TELL him to do! its noy always about sex. its a simple lifestyle, with everyday life. start with simple commands, of how,when,and be voistrious!!!! HE WILL RESPECT YOU WITH EVERYTHING!!!! but the sex is great! whatever you whant you will have!

  2. Its initiating the scene i have difficulty with, im in my stride once that first step is taken…. Then im off?

  3. Hi my name is Anna and I have always wanted the role as a Dom , I have recently met a man who played the role of Dom and now I am the submissive one , I find I am really enjoying my role as slave, but I am curious to know if this has happened to any other people out there.

    1. Hi Anna,

      This is far more common in the lifestyle then you could ever imagine. Many people that start out as Dominants find that they actually prefer being submissive after a few years in the lifestyle. The reverse is also true.

      Living the lifestyle is a continuous journey of self discovery. You will find that many of your likes, fetishes and style will change as you continue to explore your desires. Best of luck to you in learning more about your kinky desires.


      Mistress Brianne

  4. I am a slave/sub to my partner but a dominant personality also a Scorpio as is my master, so passion and dominance are in both of us, I started the E course with Mistress Sophia and also an apprenticeship With a professional Dominatrix in Adelaide South Australia, through both I have learned a lot of information some of which I have been able to relay back to my Mistress a few safety details, and rope techniques which she has steered clear of as ropes were not in her learning and she never really had need for them in her dungeon. I love being a sub to my Master, I love subspace and everything about being owned by him belonging to him! But I also love to tell a client to lick his Mistress’ boots, or tell him what a dirty little slut he is (if that’s what he’s looking for?) I enjoy the chat at the beginning analyzing exactly what each sub wants and trying to give them their fantasy, as close to their specifications as possible. And then my Mistress cap goes on and watch out boys you’re mine for the hour, Jez serves her Master, Mistress Jez is served by all! thank you for all you help in helping me succeed in my goal.
    Kinkiest regards
    Mistress Jez

    1. Hi Mistress Jez,

      Thank you for sharing your experiences and the things you enjoy. I’m glad you have been enjoying the ecourse and I wish you all the best in the continued journey.

      Mistress Sophia

  5. Thank you Mistress Sophia for your wise wisdom and access for training. I look forward you your email and the information I might find. I have been a Mistress for many years but find refreshers and new ideas happen all the time so leave your mind open, I always say.

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