Dominatrix Question: I’m Afraid Of Saying The Wrong Thing

Question: He is one of those subs who likes to test his boundaries and either talk back or be disobedient intentionally to receive punishment. I usually resort to spanking. But I don’t think this is entirely successful because I know this is what he wants. However he does respond better to verbal degradation and does actually obey after some whipping when it becomes too much. I don’t mind the verbal degradation but I’m unsure how to do this successfully because I don’t usually talk to people this way, especially not him in our everyday relationship. I suppose I fear saying the wrong thing. So my question is how should I go about perfecting my skills of verbal degradation and what things should I avoid saying?

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One thing that strikes me about this question is that there are actually two issues going on. One, you have a slave who is being disobedient on purpose in order to get a reaction from you. That is a common situation with new slave and Mistress relationships, but it seems to be one that is trickier to control. Before going on to your main question, you should stop to think about why your slave believes they can ‘get away’ with this disobedience. Do they know that they are being punished during the times that you spank them? Do they realize that they are not pleasing you? It might be a good idea to stop and to talk with your slave about how they can please you, since this sort of punishment that they coax from you is wasting your time.

In fact, I would even go so far as to tell your slave that the next time you feel they are trying to incite spanking from you that you will end the session and send them away. They will not be allowed to return until they are truly sorry for their disobedience and until they can admit they were trying to manipulate you. This is simply uncalled for and not a part of the Mistress and slave relationship.

To your main question, when you’re concerned about saying something ‘wrong’ in a BDSM scene, that makes me wonder if you’ve had a discussion with your slave about their limits for humiliation. You’re absolutely right, there might be words or phrases that are off limits for them, and if you don’t ask them what they are, then you will never know that you’ve crossed a line until you have.

Since you realize that verbal degradation is an effective punishment technique, you will want to stop and talk with your slave outside of your sessions about what the limits are. Have your slave write down the phrases and words they want to hear, as well as the ones they NEVER want to hear. This will allow you to have clear boundaries to follow, and if the slave becomes offended by anything you’ve said, you can point to the fact that you were given permission to use those words.

BDSM relationships are exciting, but they should not include guesswork. Having open and clear communication with your slave will allow you both to get the most out of your time together, without having messy issues to clean up afterward. Before going into any new sort of play, you need to stop and have a conversation. After all, it’s not just about what your slave wants, but it can also be about what you’re not comfortable saying. Everyone gets a say in what happens – including you. But when you talk with each other, you can figure out a middle ground that makes you both happy and leaves you both satisfied with the quality of your time together.

Have a talk. You both deserve to get what you want from your scenes and from the training sessions.

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Getting in touch with your Mistress side takes a little practice, and a lot of knowledge. For more information on how to release your inner Dominatrix go to Mistress Training Tutorial

To learn the secrets to unleashing your Dominatrix voice check out How To Talk Like A Dominatrix

Regards,

Mistress Brianne

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