Dom/me Question: How Do You Keep Things Exciting For Your Sub

How do you keep things new/fresh and keep your sub guessing? The only thing I can think of is to keep practicing rope bondage. Other than that I have my list of 10-12 fetishes that I do. But when you have done those fetishes multiple times before with a sub, what do you do? It’s especially difficult when you are not romantically involved with the sub. Any information would be appreciated.

Anonymous


Master Bishop’s Opinion

Over time, if you’re a Dominant for long enough, you will have done everything there is to be done. You will use all the toys in the dungeon, you will play out all the scenes you can think of, and you will have tested all of your sub’s limits. It’s just a fact of life when you’re in the Dominant role.

So, I would like you to think about the way you’re dominating a bit differently.

Think less about being new and innovative and start thinking about how you can train your slave. Right now, I’m getting the sense you’re simply putting your submissive into situations where fetish play is used.  The sub comes in, you go through your 10-12 fetish list; bondage,  spanking, flogging, etc and the scene ends when everybody is spent or you have gone through all the fetishes.  What I’m not hearing is that the submissive has learned anything during the process.

I would strongly encourage you to think about what you want your submissive to become, the types of things you want your submissive to do and how you want your sub to be. Create a list of goals you want your submissive to reach, and then sit your submissive down and discuss these ideas with them.  Make sure you both agree about how you would like to train your submissive.  Once you both agree, you can then begin to craft sessions that work on these goals.

I’ll give you some examples. Perhaps your sub doesn’t use certain positions in your training. Teach them a lengthy number of positions and use these during scenes to see if the sub has been practicing and is willing to please you in this way.

Or you could increase the rapidity of the pain you inflict or you can change the tempo of the things you do. All of these things will keep a sub guessing about what might happen next, but if you don’t have a reason for doing what you’re doing, you’re going to have troubles figuring out what to do.

Teaching is the key. You teach the slave about positions, commands, responses, how to hold their head, etc. Together, come up with a list of things the sub will learn, and then you can come up with scenes in which they will be tested on these tasks. As you will notice when you move into this sort of interaction, the slave will spend time learning things and it will challenge them to be focused and engaged.

You can also begin to take away things they are used to, i.e. some of the fetish play you describe. Take it away for a while until they have learned the things you want them to learn. They will start to realize they need to do more in order to serve you. They will realize they are a sub and that their desires need to be earned instead of just expecting to receive it whenever they want.

Other ideas you can use to keep sessions more interesting:

  • Write out a list of how you would like a specific task performed, for example, cleaning the living room or preparing dinner. Then sit back and watch your submissive perform the task.  Using a clipboard, make notes of any mistakes they make while performing the task, such as care, attitude, whether they follow the instructions on how it should be done and in what order, etc.
  • Do You enjoy tea? – Teach your submissive how to properly serve high tea in an English style. This would include how to make the tea, serve the tea, how to position themselves, hold their head and address you or your guests while serving.  You can use a number of different fetishes to correct mistakes and reward proper service.
  • Once they master an English High tea service, have them learn to perform a proper Japanese tea ceremony. Or teach them how to give a proper foot massage. Who doesn’t love receiving a good foot massage and what submissive doesn’t love worshiping their submissive in such a way?  Or have them learn how to create and serve a formal dining service like you might see at an English Lord’s estate (ie something you might see on the TV show Downton Abbey).
  • Do you see how using the same 10-12 fetishes that you have always used before have now been enhanced by simply moving the focus from just using fetishes to using the fetishes to teach the submissive new skills.  The submissive won’t have a chance to be bored as they are constantly focused on learning a new skill.  Once they have mastered that skill don’t worry about them feeling stagnant because they will be more focused on pleasing you with their skills than worrying about doing the same thing over again.
  • If your sub masters these tasks see how well they do performing the same task with their hands tied, or their feet shackled or reduce the amount of time they have to prepare. Just increase the difficulty to keep things exciting.
  • Teach your sub to keep their poise and grace while they perform different tasks or during intense training.
  • If your sub is in a place where they have already learned everything and they have already proven himself or herself to be highly skilled, then maybe you can have them train another slave. This will create a new environment in which they have to apply what they have learned in a challenging way. (Of course, if this is not a part of your agreements, then skip this entirely.)

Essentially every lesson or task can be made more difficult and the more difficult something is the more your submissive will have to concentrate.  This will even make tried old sessions seem new again as they realize that they haven’t truly mastered what you have taught them.  

Now, if YOU’RE feeling bored with what you’re doing, you need to start getting out more to other BDSM events and communities. You need to reach out to see what you can learn and what other Dominants have to teach you. Or you need to take a break from what you’re doing, as everyone can get burned out, even doing things they love.

In the end, you can also remind your sub of their goal in the dungeon: to please you. When you remind them you want more from them, they will not focus on the fact that you’ve done this scene a hundred times before.  They will simply focus on the fact that they always have more to do in order to keep their Dominant happy.

 

Regards,

Master Bishop

The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 12 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 8 years. Join Master Bishop on Google+

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1 thought on “Dom/me Question: How Do You Keep Things Exciting For Your Sub”

  1. So my new girlfriend is into the bdsm lifestyle and I didn’t know what the bdsm lifestyle was about. Is it possible that I can get a few tips to learning the whole bdsm lifestyle as a dominant male. She’s saying that she wants to be trained. And me being new to the lifestyle, I need to learn quickly. So any help would be great. Tips, tricks, anything would be perfect.

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