One of the most important characteristics for any Dominant or submissive to have is patience.
The dictionary definition of patience is the ability to accept and/or tolerate trouble or suffering without becoming angry. While patience is crucial in many aspects of life it is even more important within submissive training. Losing your temper or becoming angry because things are not going the way you want them too is not fair to your partner and can put a stop to any training progress.
Dom/mes: Understanding that your submissive is human and will never be perfect is the first step to becoming an true Dominant. Once you understand this, keeping a cool head and remaining patient at all times will allow you to make the necessary changes that your submissive needs in order to learn and grow. Impatience and anger does nothing but cloud your judgement and if you lash out at your submissive it will create a divide between the both of you. Patience and understanding are key to maintaining a healthy relationship and training regime for your submissive.
Dom/mes Journal Entry: Do you feel you are patient and understanding? When have you exhibited patience and understanding within life and when you are training your submissive?
Does your submissive show signs of patience and understanding in their life and in their training?
When you have completed this entry ask your submissive if they think you are patient with them and have them write down examples of when you have been patient. Don’t become angry if they don’t think you are. Instead listen with an open mind and heart and take what they say as a lesson. You need to learn as much from your submissive, as your submissive learns from you. Use what they say to help you grow as a person and a Dominant.
submissives: Don’t think you are off the hook and patience is only a characteristic Dominants should have. As a submissive it is essential that you are able to tolerate suffering without losing your temper. There is nothing worst (as a Dominant) then training a submissive, who suddenly lashes out unexpectedly. Remaining calm, level headed and maintaining your patience during training is important for your own growth as a submissive. It’s also important that your Dominant knows and trusts that you will remain calm during difficult times for their own safety.
I know training can be difficult and there are many things that will try your patience:
1) An extremely difficult training task, or scene
2) Feeling like you are not learning or not being able to perfect a certain submissive skill
3) Feeling that your Dominant is not listening to you or does not understand how difficult things are for you
4) Other life struggles that can interfere or distract you from your training
Whatever the struggle is that you are going through, it is your patience that will help you to take a time out to better understand why you are having such a difficult time. It is your patience that will help to open up the lines of communication with your Dominant in a manner that is more easily received. It is your patience that will help to get you through the tough times not only in your training, but in life as well.
This is not to say that you should not speak with your Dominant when something goes wrong in training or if you are having a difficult time. However, speaking from a point of anger and frustration, where your own true feelings can be misinterpreted by you and your Dominant can create an invisible divide between the both of you. Instead, patience allows you to take a breath and speak calmly with your Dominant. You will find that this form of communication is more openly received and understood.
Lastly, I have seen far too many submissives who lose patience with themselves quicker then with anything or anybody else. You must understand that you are human, and like all humans you will make mistakes. In fact, what fun would there be in training a perfect submissive all the time. What makes a Dominant/submissive relationship so strong is the growing together through such difficult circumstances. So before you give someone else a break, try giving yourself that same break. Be patient, understanding and loving to yourself.
submissive Journal Entry: Do you feel you are patient and understanding? When have you exhibited patience and understanding within life and within training?
Does your Dominant show signs of patience and understanding in their life and in their training?
When you have completed this entry ask your Dominant if they think you are patient with them and ask them if they could write down examples of when you have been patient. Don’t become angry if they don’t think you are. Instead listen with an open mind and heart and take what they say as a lesson. This exercise is meant to help you grow as a person and a submissive.
By Master Bishop
The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 19 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 14 years.
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