While being a slave might be all that you’ve dreamed of doing in your life, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Being a slave to a powerful Dominant can be just as challenging as any other relationship in your life, if not more so. Not only are you giving your body to another person, but you are also giving over your mind and your actions to this person. It’s really no wonder that it is difficult for some slaves to completely turn over their minds and hearts to their Dominant. But dropping your defenses is the best way to become the best slave you can – and to learn the most from your Dom/me in the process.
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Question Your Trust and How to Restore It
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Trust is a tricky think in any relationship. While it seems like a virtue we all have, our minds like to play games with us, often games we can not recognize. In a BDSM relationship, we might be put into difficult physical positions that cause your body to worry that it will be hurt permanently. As a result, you have troubles letting go of these worries which can then lead to issues of trust. You may have a safe word or an understanding between yourself and the Dominant that you can stop at any time, but if you don’t have inherent trust, you might never see just how much you can trust your relationship.
What you need to do is to let the Dom/me take over during the scene. You need to remind yourself again and again that you have agreed to be with Them for a reason and that They always has your best interests at heart. Allow your Dominant to be in control and you will find that trust comes more easily, that you’re not worried or thinking about what might happen during your training. You can just be trained.
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Honesty is the Best Policy
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If you are having troubles trusting your Dom/me, it’s time for a sit down. Perhaps just hearing from your Dominant that They promise not to hurt you in ways you have not agreed to be hurt will allow you to trust more. Talk about possible reasons why your Dom/me may not be trustworthy in your eyes. A good Dominant will want to address these concerns and they will want to work with you to continue to develop your relationship together. Sometimes, when a Dom/me is newer, they might be doing this inadvertently to crumble the trust between you. But these situations can be fixed with honest communication.
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Leave Your Life at the Doorstep
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One of the things you need to do as a slave is to leave your ‘other’ life at the doorstep when it’s time to be with your Dom/me. You need to make sure that your worries, your woes, and any other concerns are left outside of the dungeon where you are giving over your will and your decisions to your Dominant. You might want to have a different name when you’re in the dungeon to help you separate your lives or you might want to completely strip down once you are in the presence of your Dom/me. These can help you to physically as well as emotionally drop any remaining defenses from the day.
No matter how long you have been a slave, you will always need to check to make sure you are dropping your defenses as much as possible. The more you give over to your training and to your Dominant, the more you will gain from the training time you do spend together.
With that said, always respect your own limits. If you have said in the past that you will not do something, then hold your ground. Not performing a certain off limit task, is by no way not trusting your Dominant, it is just you ensuring your own safety and sanity. Your Dominant must respect that and if they do not, then they are not someone that you should put your trust into.
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To Learn more about yourself, and how to let go so you can enjoy your submissive desires go to ===> The Slave Training Tutorial
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Regards,
Master Bishop
&
Mistress Sophia
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Rewarding A Submissive For Good Behavior
Despite the commonly held belief that BDSM is essentially all about punishment, pain, whips, chains, and anything that might cause severe agony, the exact opposite is more commonplace. If you dissect the definitions of Bondage, Discipline, Sado, and Masochism, three of those words can be related to pain play, and even bondage can be used in a painful way, depending on how it is applied. If you search for BDSM, many images are submissives with strained faces being subjected to painful experiences. It can be hard to see past that first glimpse for many. While much attention is focused on discipline and pain for dramatic effect, when it comes to actual submissive training, rewards and positive reinforcement tend to be more effective in submissive training. As the old saying goes, “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.”
Punishment Basics – Why, When And How
Most of us can recall a time when we did something wrong as a child and then were punished for it. We were probably made to sit in a corner or take a ‘time out.’ When a slave has done something wrong, as W/we have learned from childhood, sometimes punishments can be effective at correcting the behavior that is if the submissive wants the behavior changed. The point of the punishment is to link the inappropriate behavior with the feelings of the unpleasant punishment which will occur if the behavior is repeated. This allows people to learn (some learn more effectively from punishment than others) from their mistakes so they will remember to not let it happen again. To do this, the Master/Mistress can employ a number of mind controls that will cause the slave to rethink their behavior and reconsider their future actions. Before you can include any kind of punishment training into your slave training there are a few necessities:
Sub Question: How To Get Into A Submissive Headspace
Submissive Question: i have finally figured out that i am far more submissive then i ever thought possible. That is all thanks to you and all the information you have given me. i don’t know where i would be without your guidance. While i know i want to be more submissive to my mistress, i find there are times when i’m just not in the mood or i can’t get into a submissive headspace. How can i get myself in the mood when i’m not or get into a submissive headspace, especially when my Mistress wants me to serve her? Sincerely, DK, New York Read Master Bishop's Opinion Here
Thank you for your wise words of wisdom.
Always helpful !!!
Sub-missy
Thank you for this article. As always extremely helpful and insightful.
i found the part about leaving your life at the doorstep particularly helpful.
In O/our 24/7 lifestyle relationship i have found that it can sometimes be difficult to put aside life’s emotions and distractions so i often try to take a few moments for some deep breathing and meditation before W/we enter our personal space.
Thank you for this article. As always extremely helpful and insightful.
i found the part about leaving your life at the doorstep particularly helpful.
In O/our 24/7 lifestyle relationship i have found that it can sometimes be difficult to put aside life’s emotions and distractions so i often try to take a few moments for some deep breathing and meditation before W/we enter our personal space.
sub-kathleen
Thank you so much for this article. I’m having mood swing issues from a major surgery just recently. I feel ashamed of my behavior, I’m trying to push that certain behavior aside. It’s been so hard but this gave me some insight
Thank you
Jenn