How to Know When You’re Ready for Public Scenes

Taking your BDSM out into the world isn’t something that’s for everyone. Some people prefer to keep their proclivities in private, enjoying these relationships in their own homes. But if you’re looking for a little more excitement or you’re just curious to see what the public BDSM scene is like, you might want to step outside of your home or apartment to find out how you fit in, if at all. There are some clear signs that you are ready to take your BDSM relationship out of the house and into the public eye.

You Have Experience

When you’re new to the BDSM world, you might be excited to have as many hot experiences as possible. But while you might think you’re ready emotionally, the maturity you need to be a part of the public BDSM world is something that many people just don’t understand. You need to make sure that you are ready to handle the emotions that come from playing with someone you might never see again. You need to be ready to say no and to define the rules by which you will play – and not play. You need to understand how to keep yourself safe at all times. Ideally, you want to have at least one year of training under your leather belt before you head out into a BDSM club or another play party. This will give you some time to really define your role as a Dominant or a slave.

You Know Your Boundaries

Boundaries are something that you know you need to have, but you may not have them defined clearly right now. Before you head out into a public BDSM scene, you need to make sure that you are ready to share your boundaries with others and then stand up for yourself when they are being crossed. Though BDSM gatherings are filled with people who understand the idea of lines and rules, a newer person or someone who just gets caught up in the moment might not be as accommodating as you need them to be. As a Dominant or a slave, you need to be able to define your boundaries clearly and you need to be comfortable saying to someone else that you do not want to do what they want you to do. If you aren’t ready to stand up for your needs, then you’re not ready to do a public scene.

You Recognize the Possible Consequences

Going out into the public with your BDSM enjoyment is going to be a risk for you as well as for your partner. You need to remember that this is the case and that you might have consequences as a result of your actions. If you are able to think of ways you will handle these outcomes, then you are ready for public scenes. If you do not have ideas in mind as to how you might handle possible problems, you need to stop and think things through a bit. For example, if someone from your workplace sees you, then what will you do? If your ex-partner sees you, how might you handle that? Though this is certainly a game of ‘what if,’ you need to be ready to defend yourself, just as you might with any sensitive issue.

Public play is not necessary as a BDSM practitioner, but it is something that will spice up your relationship and help to refine your skills. Making sure you are ready for this sort of intense play is necessary in order to have a fun and a safe time with other BDSM folks. And once you’re ready, you most certainly will.


To gain more knowledge about BDSM, to help understand your desires and set your limits go to ===> The BDSM Tutorial


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8 thoughts on “How to Know When You’re Ready for Public Scenes”

  1. Very true. I went first to a club with my Mistress and was with her most of the time but am now able to go-dress-and be happy about knowing my limits. They are totally respected too. Pepe

  2. Dwight Hines 2nd

    Mistress I can’t thank you enough,for the information on such a beautiful art of sexual heights. one day I’ll start a school of sex training for women and Bdsm is apart of my many training tactics but also the emotional and between the lines info you have given is so helpful. I Thank you sweet mistress

  3. This of a bit of advice for the people at the groups who are already experienced. If you have new people come to an event who tell you they are new. Do NOT push them to allow you to try a flogger or whip on them! This is what happened to me and my husband. The guy left permenate marks on me both physical and emotional. And because of this we have not returned in over a year. And now in a new state still fear trying again.

    1. @bad nevaeh

      I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. This is why I am big believer in only playing with someone I have been in a serious long term relationship with or someone who has proven to be trustworthy, demonstrated experience in their field and has shown to be responsible and respectful with those they play with (which takes a long time to learn).

      Anybody can purchase a flogger, but that does not mean they know how to use it or will respect your limits. Get to know people and their intentions before you ever make yourself vulnerable to them.

      For beginners, I highly suggest not playing publicly the first few times you attend a public event. Instead, enjoy the sights, get comfortable with the environment and yourself and more importantly build friendships outside of play. You have a life time to experience your desires, be safe, be patient, take your time and be highly selective of who you choose to play with.

      Your safety is the most important thing and only you can be responsible for it.

      Again thank you bad nevaeh for sharing your experience, so others can potentially learn from it.

  4. i have worn my collar out in public a time or two and have received comments on it. i thanked them and went about my way. it was very exhilarating!!!!

  5. Thank you very much for all the information. I consider my self to be a very knowledgeable
    and good Daddy / Dom but I want to be the best that I can be to my sub. With this information that your sharing makes me better and I just want to thank you and please keep sharing. I never want to stop learning.

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