One thing I hear all the time from people in the lifestyle or who want to enter into the lifestyle is that BDSM is some sort of cure-all for the woes of their life. Yes, BDSM is fun and can be safe, but it’s not going to make you younger or happier. You may have a lovely time in the dungeon and you might even enjoy pushing your boundaries and edges the entire time, but you will not cure things that happen outside of the bedroom by heading into the bedroom. The endorphin rush and that great session buzz will only last so long. The feelings you had before you walked in the scene will come back, no matter how great of a slave or Master/Mistress you are. If you think BDSM is a cure, read on.
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BDSM Will Not Improve An Unhealthy Relationship
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Some people think that if they just do a few more kinky things in their relationship, things will be happier. While you might have lost some of the spice in your relationship, BDSM is not the way to bring the magic back into your partnership. Instead, you need to look for what is happening in your relationship and talk to your partner about how they can work with you to ensure you are heading in a more positive direction. BDSM might be fun to add to a good relationship, but when your relationship is on the rocks, adding a scene that involves having complete trust in your partner (when you don’t) is not the best of ideas.
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BDSM Will Not Cure Mental Woes
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Others who have general trust issues or depression or low self esteem might think that BDSM will help them create a more solid sense of themselves. This happens often with new slaves who think that being obedient to a Master or a Mistress will help them feel better about themselves. After all, if they can please one person, they must be a good person. This sort of thinking is not accurate and mental issues are best worked on with the help of a trained therapist. This professional will be able to make sure that you work through your mental problems and that you don’t bring them into the bedroom, where they can’t be solved.
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BDSM Will Not Bring Happiness
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Just like anything in life, the only key to happiness is the way you think about your life. Looking outside of yourself for answers, like thinking BDSM will make you happy, is not a good way to help your life. Instead, you need to understand what is truly troubling you and work on resolving those issues. You may need to talk to a professional therapist, take some much needed vacation time, spend more time connecting with your friends and family, or spend more time focused on you and your health. What you don’t need to do is bring another complicated factor into your life. BDSM is many things, but it can not make you happy when you are not.
BDSM is not a cure for the things that ail you in your life. When you have issues that are coming up for you, don’t head to the dungeon to work them out. You need to think for yourself how you can manage your problems and then enjoy the time you spend with your partner in the bedroom. Life isn’t always easy or pretty, and while BDSM might be enjoyable, it can not take the place of personal self development. You’re not in the dungeon all the time, so you need to realize that your problems follow you everywhere, especially when you’re not taking steps to deal with them.
Regards,
Master Bishop
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Very Good Article…
Honest & Revelant…
BDSM is “Fun” but, it’s just that — “something playful & “fun” to do & spice up your sex life.
It’s meant to be for “after” your work is done.
I only got into BDSM, due to the fact I am having erectile disfunctions(maybe mental or from a back surgery, or the combination of both). So since I have not been able to have adaquate sex, I felt this was the best way for me. I think I have always had a submissive side to me, I enjoy wearing panties. I have been with a few Mistresses, been feminized, tied up naked, blindfolded, spanked, verbally humiliated, taken many strapons in my pussy, had sounds inserted in my clitty and done a couple a forced bi-scenes, where I had to suck a real cock and made to swallow and even taken a real cock in my pussy. I have to admit, this has all been a joy and can’t wait to do it all some more.
Master Bishop,
Thank you! My husband and I have been together for thirty years (as of yesterday). Like a lot of couples in the gay community, we have had an open relationship. Unlike most gay couples however we were blessed with a baby girl in 1998. She was born with multiple birth defects which put a lot of stress on us. Combined with all of that, I am a submissive and so I have been trying to add that into our relationship. After reading your article I realized that, I have been pushing my husband to be a dom something that is not. I have been so focused on our daughter and could not see that I was so stressed with life that, I was trying to use the dungeon to escape the world around me. So again, I want to thank you for this article. I am going to step back fix what is going on inside of me and then I will see if, I have the same feelings about the dungeon.