BDSM Question: My Submissive Likes A Plan

Question: Hello, I have been receiving your e-mails and have found them most informative. I’m an online Dominatrix myself. I have many boys under my control. My issue is I have one who I love dearly, but he likes plans. I go into it with a general idea and just flow with it. Do you have any suggestions for plotting and planning out a scene? Thank you

Anonymous

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Master Bishop’s Response

When it comes to planning out your scenes, it can benefit the Master/Mistress as well as the slave. Plans allow you to have a clear idea of what you want to accomplish and how you might accomplish these goals. For a newer Master/Mistress, the planning can be especially helpful so that you can stay in control and you can know what’s going on before your slave does – ensuring your domination.

At the same time, the more experienced a Master/Mistress you are, the more able you are to adapt to the needs of the slave at the moment. While it might seem as though a plan is the best idea, having the ability to veer off course can make a scene more exciting and more challenging for your submissive and you.  However, if a submissive wants to see a plan before each scene and that is what they need to build trust with you, then having a plan is what you need to do.

What I would say is that when your slave wants to have a plan, it sounds like they might not trust you completely to act effectively in your role as a Dominant. And a lack of trust is never a good thing. You might want to ask yourself if you have given your slave any reason to not trust you. Have you stepped over boundaries they have set? Have you crossed their limits? Have you done things that have been harmful? Did you not stop when they called their safeword? As with any relationship, you need to take accountability for the ways in which you might be creating a situation where your slave may not trust you.

Take the time to sit down with your submissive outside of play and ask them if there is anything bothering them.  Whether it is you, the way you Dominate or how you play in your scenes together.  Listen to them and don’t become upset when they express how they feel. A submissive must always be made to feel comfortable enough to express how they feel.

If your submissive says they completely trust you, then it’s time to focus on the slave and what their training is. Check in with your slave about why they need to have a plan (ask them outside of the dungeon) and don’t continue with your training until you find out what their reasoning is. Chances are good that you will find out they are scared about the training and that they just need to have some assurance they can handle the training that you provide.  Not a problem, give them a plan so they can feel comfortable and reassured and always make sure to take the time to check in with them regularly.

When this is the case, you need to assure your slave in some way that they are going to be protected by you and that you will never move beyond the parameters that they have set for your relationship. This might occur in the form of praise, in the form of listing to all of the things they have accomplished as a slave so far in their training, to creating a detailed list of what you have planned.

If you don’t have a set schedule of training, this might also be what your slave needs in order to trust in the ways that you handle your sessions together. Start to develop a plan, if you haven’t already, and give that to the slave so they understand the context in which you will be directing them. When you do this, you will ensure that you are not only able to work together well, but that you are moving toward a larger goal.

In the end, if your slave isn’t comfortable with the way that you dominate them, that’s a bigger issue that is not necessarily going to be resolved by their knowing what you’re going to do ahead of time.

Whenever these sticky situations come up, the best advice is to find out why the slave needs what they say they need. If you want to learn how to plan a scene check out, how to plan a BDSM scene

Regards,

Master Bishop

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4 thoughts on “BDSM Question: My Submissive Likes A Plan”

  1. It may be a good idea to get your sub to write out, say, 3 scenarios that he would like to have happen the moment he steps through your door. This would ensure that he gets what he wants and you know what pleases him. You do not have to take each scenarion individually, you can mix and match them, i.e., taking some of sc1 and some of sc2 to add to sc3, you can mix them up, so he will not know what is going to happen, and as he has indicated his desires in the scenarions, you know he will always be happy, and we all know that ahappy slave serves well and loyally.

    Your training tips and advice are a godsend Master Bishop and I am sure they help and encourage, both Dom/es and subs/slaves to feel comfortable and trusting in the BDSM world.

    Master Patrick

    1. The purpose of separate scenarios is so the beatee does know what is going to happen to them. If they don’t know, there is no consent. That is like ordering the cement for a house foundation on the day of scheduled completion. If you do not do exactly what the beatee wants, in the order they want it done, and how and to what degree they want it done and with what they want it done, there is NO CONSENT, NO CHOICE. Making stuff up on the fly is dangerous. No surgeon operates like that on a human body! No Vet operates like that on an animal. Your entire premise of BDSM is based on choice, but every word you write here, every idea you promote does an end around on CONSENT and CHOICE.

  2. There can be no consent without a detailed plan. A plan gives the beatee the CHOICE to veto anything the bully wants to do. Without a plan, THERE IS NO CHOICE. Surprises when bound are not welcomed. You just want to think they are so you can continue bullying people and giving NO CHOICE.

  3. their knowing what you’re going to do ahead of time. In fact, this might take away the fun for you, which then will not benefit the relationship as a whole

    And there it is.
    The cane swinger doesn’t want the beatee to have choice!

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