Common Misconceptions Of Brats In BDSM

Common Misconceptions Of Brats In BDSM

I am a brat. A bonified, full-blown brat. The kind you see sticking their tongue out at their Dominant just to get a rise out of them. Or rolling there eyes while staring straight at their Sir, just waiting for his reaction. I am also 100 percent a submissive. A service submissive, actually. I love serving and pleasing my Dominant. Making sure His needs are taken care of and He knows He is loved. Confused yet on how I can be a brat and submissive? Trust me, most people are, because they do not understand brats or the behavior (mostly misbehavior) they exhibit.

During my time in BDSM, and especially my time expressing my more bratty side, I have heard a lot of misconceptions about brats. A lot of people think we need more training, are just topping for the bottom, or even that we do not belong in BDSM. A lot of these myths come from a lack of understanding about the relationship between a Dominant and their brat, and the unique connection they have. The only way to allow for more understanding is to challenge these misconceptions which, lucky for you all, a brat like me loves doing.

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1. Brats are not submissives

Oh my favorite misconception, and I think the most popular one. People assume brats are not submissive, and I get it. How can someone who blatantly disobeys their Dominant be seen as a submissive? Someone who challenges authority be submitting anything? The truth is, our disobedience is actually an act of obedience and a sign of our submission. It’s a hard concept to wrap your mind around so let me explain.

Brats tend to pair with sadist or brat tamers. People who enjoy putting someone in their place, or whose top kink is discipline. If brats never misbehaved or did anything to warrant punishment, their Dominant would be losing out on a kink they enjoy. So brats act up. Not to make their Dominant angry, but to allow their Dominant to engage in an activity they enjoy, whether that’s discipline or inflicting pain through spanking. They push just the right button so their Dominant knows its time to play and for them to exercise their power and ability to discipline. As backwards as it may seem, in disobeying, and submitting to whatever consequences the Dominant gives, the brat is serving.

There is another part to their disobedience too. A true brat, out of respect and submission to their Dominant, knows when and how to push them. They know and respect their Dominant’s limits and when their Dominant needs a day off from brat taming. In these moments, the acting up stops, and the brat obeys, out of care and respect for their Dominant. They do not get joy out of truly disobeying or disappointing their Dominant, or out of making their Dominants life harder. They will not brat when it does not please their Dominant, because their underlying desire is to please.

It is true in the beginning of the relationship, the brat may act up when they should submit, or push one too many buttons, but this is when training comes in. Just like any submissive, they desire and need to learn boundaries. The Dominant has to teach them when no really means no, and when it is time to stop bratting. If they are a true brat, they will listen and obey, because they are a submissive who desires to please their Dominant.

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2. Brats are always disobedient

It makes sense for people to assume brats are always disobedient, because when they see them they usually are. However, these setting tend to be dungeons or munches where they are likely in a bratty headspace, and know it is “okay” to brat. Just like a service submissive may not be as obedient as they are in a play space, a brat isn’t always as disobedient as you see them in a play space. Here, it is okay be a brat, because they can be put in their place and is still enjoyable for a Dominant and trust me, brats will take full advantage of their freedom. They get to show off their bratting and take pride in that because it pleases their Dominant, just like a pet likes to show off their tricks to please their Dominant.

Let’s say the environment changed however. Perhaps it’s the grocery store, or at home with their Dominant after a long day, you may be amazed if you saw a so called brat in this setting. They would look just as obedient as any submissive, because they know this is not the time or place to brat. This is the mark of a true brat, they know when is the time to play around and disobey, and when is the time to be obedient and respectful. This is something their Dominant has to tell and teach them, but if they continue to disobey they are not a brat, just a disobedient submissive.

That’s right, there are people who claim to be brats who are just disobedient submissives. These individuals disobey even when they receive a true punishment and even when their Dominant enforces where and when the appropriate place to brat is. They have moved beyond bratting to disrespect, because they are going against the needs and wishes of their Dominant. This behavior could point to someone who is not truly submissive, or to issues within the relationship which are keeping them from obeying, but it does not make them a brat. A brat knows when to obey, and they will. A disobedient submissive, will just keep pushing.

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3. Brats enjoy punishment too much to ever be corrected

It is true most brats are masochist who enjoy spankings, but this does not mean they enjoy all spankings and definitely does not mean they enjoy all punishments. Let’s talk spankings first. This is where you have to know a brat well. There tends to be one or two positions or one or two implements which a brat does not like. Take me, for example. If I even hear a belt buckle, or the snap of a belt shivers go down my spine, and not the good kind. The simple sound can make me straighten up my behavior and realize I went too far, because I hate belts. Most brats, like me, have an implement they hate just like I hate a belt, and if you listen, they will tell you. When you are discussing or negotiating “funishments” they will tell you the implements they do not want used. Hint: these are the ones they do not like, and the ones you can correct them with (unless they are a true hard limit). In fact, having an implement or two you reserve for punishments can help a brat know when their playfulness was okay and they are just getting a playful punishment and when they have crossed the line.

There are also positions your brat may not like. For me, it’s over the knee. You can put me in diaper position, wheelbarrow, over a bed, bench, or even in stocks, but do not tell me to get over your knee. Even the tap of a knee, or seeing my Dominant take a seat somewhere after I misbehave, regret sinks in. I just hate it. For your submissive, it might be restrained, or maybe over a spanking horse, but there tends to be some position which spells punishment for your brat. Hint, if you see them resist at even the idea of the position, you found the one they hate.

Perhaps there are brats out there who like all implements and all spanking positions; I promise you they do not like all punishments. Brats thrive on attention, so want to know how to punish them, remove the attention. Put them in a corner, ground them, require them to write lines, and they will know they actually messed up. Or perhaps they do not like any kind of anal play, forcing them to wear a butt plug or endure figging can work as well. Taking away play time or requiring edging are other potential punishments. There are so many options out there, you just have to take time to see what works for your brat. As long as it isn’t a hard limit, if they don’t like it you can use it. It is crucial you find what corrects them too, because without consequences brats will just keep pushing boundaries until eventually they become the disrespectful submissives we discussed earlier, because their needs are not met.

Brats desire both fun punishments and real punishments. No, this does not mean they enjoy being punished, but let’s go back to point one, they are submissives. This means they enjoy limits and boundaries and how are these enforced: punishments. Brats may even push boundaries on purpose, just to find the limit and to make sure their Dominant will enforce the rules. This helps them feel safe, because they know they can be corrected. It may take some creativity and may be more in-depth than just a spanking to correct them, but brats want and need to be corrected.

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4. Brats are only fun to play with, not to have relationships with

A lot of Dominants think brats can be fun to scene with, but do not make dynamic partners, this is the farthest thing from the truth. Sure, brats are not everyone’s cup of tea. But neither are little, slaves, pets, and switches. It’s about finding what is right for you. There are people who want to, and do, have lasting relationships with brats, because there is nothing wrong with brats.

People who desire to be with brats train them so they understand when they should brat and when they should submit. There are hard rules which they are not allowed to brat with and others which are more loose and, when the time is appropriate, can be playfully broken. It all goes back to brats being submissive and wanting to please their Dominant. When they love their top, they will submit to them. They will brat only within the boundaries set for them, and they will work to make their Dominant happy. There is nothing in that which makes it impossible, or even improbable for them to be in loving, long term relationships.

Now there are some people who would rather just scene with a brat, instead of be in a relationship with them, and that is fine too. There are also some brats who desire to only scene, not engage in 24/7 dynamics. It is all about knowing what the other person wants and what you want. If you do not want a relationship with a brat, then don’t be in one, but this simply means a brat would never have a long-term relationship with you, not that it is impossible. Brats, even hard headed ones like me, do live in 24/7 dynamics in loving, long-term relationships.

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5. Brats need to be broken.

There is this strange idea in the community that brats must be broken. As a brat myself I have faced Dominants who wanted to “break” me and I didn’t really know what they meant. We break glasses, vases, and maybe even promises, but what is breaking a person. I made the not so wise decision to play with someone who wanted to break me and realized what breaking is. Breaking means taking a person to their limit and pushing them past it. Making it so they regret ever bratting and never do it again. It is teaching them expressing themselves through bratting is not okay, is not acceptable, and will not be tolerated ever. Not that it is not okay in this situation, but that being a brat is not okay. In essence, it is teaching a person who they are is wrong. Which is the very reason why trying to break a brat is wrong. BDSM is not about forcing people to be something they aren’t or teaching them who they are is wrong, it is about letting them be who they are. If you want to break a brat and change who they are, then don’t be with a brat, because they need to be tamed, not broken.

Taming a brat is sometimes confused with breaking a brat, but taming a brat is actually what is needed to be done. When a brat tamer tames a brat, they simply bring the bratting down to an appropriate level. The brat is taught how much and where bratting is acceptable, and exactly when, where, and how much bratting is not acceptable. Much like training a submissive, taming a brat is about teaching them when and where certain behaviors are appropriate. This is the structure and discipline a brat craves. Knowing they can act up, but there are still boundaries then and they can’t just misbehave all the time. Brat taming allows brats to be themselves just within limits set by the Dominant. They are lovingly taught when they can be their full bratty selves. They are not denying who they are, just defining limits around how they express themselves.

All Summed Up

Brats are amazing submissives, for the right kind of Dominant. They are not for everyone, and require more patience, persistence, and perseverance than other submissives. For those who love brats, they enjoy the thrill and excitement of disciplining them and earning their submission. Brats will be there to care for and submit to their Dominant, just like any submissive, they might just give you a little bit of a fight getting there. Teach them when this fight is appropriate, and when it is time to cut out the playing. Tame them, do not break them. Love them, and trust me, they will love you back.

Bratty Ann

By Bratty Ann

Bratty Ann has been in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for 4 years serving as a slave, a pet, a submissive, and, of course, a brat. She has developed a deep passion for the lifestyle and for educating others on keeping it safe, sane, and consensual. Her favorite topics to educate on include domestic discipline, taming brats, and mental health in BDSM.

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