I am rather new to the BDSM lifestyle, and would like some advice on how to start a scene? i.e. how do you work up to the spanking/bondage etc. if your slave has done nothing wrong?
Master Bishop’s Opinion
First of all, it’s a great idea to ask about this, especially since you’re in the beginning of your new lifestyle. When you’re working with a submissive, you need to remember that it doesn’t always have to be about punishment. This is a big misconception that can happen when you only know about BDSM from videos or online images.Most people involved in the lifestyle love just having a spanking and/or bondage scene. A submissive is capable of having an orgasm solely from spanking alone. Bondage can be as elaborate or simple as you like, either way it can provide a restrictive yet comforting experience. My point is that both of these activities are enjoyed by most if not all submissives.
If your submissive likes these activities then they should typically not be used as a punishment technique. Doing so will teach your submissive to misbehave in an effort to manipulate you into using these activities to punish them. This is not an effective way to teach your submissive how to behave.
If however, you both really like spanking and bondage and are just looking for ways to incorporate it into your Dom/sub lifestyle then the easy answer is to incorporate it in whenever you want. You are the Dominant (as long as it’s within your sub’s limits) if you are in the mood to give your a spanking:
- tell them to bend over and enjoy what you are about to give them
- I always greet My subs with a spank on the bottom
- Grab them by the hair bend them over and start
Feel like incorporating more bondage into your play, just let your sub know you want to tie them up. Tie them into your favorite positions, into a slave position to reinforce the posture or try something new. Take your time, enjoy the rope as it glides through your fingers and across their body. Feel their body shudder with each wrap of the rope. Kiss them, caress their body, hear their breathe and heartbeat intensify. Enjoy the moment and allow your sub to enjoy it too.
If you want to use spanking and bondage for punishment, make sure to use specific conditions. This way your submissive will separate the fun feel good spanking/bondage from the punishment spanking/bondage.
- Have a punishment corner where your submissive will bend over a specific chair. Every time they bend over that chair they will know you are disappointed in them and that they are about to be punished.
- Use a bondage position that is uncomfortable/painful. Before you tie them up, let them know which position you are putting them in so they know they are being punished. Again you can send them to their punishment corner to reinforce this point.
- Let them know they are being punished and you want them to focus on what they did wrong, why it displeased you and what they can do to ensure it will never happen again.
If just having a fun time with spanking and bondage is not for you and you are having a hard time finding a reason to punish your submissive, then more discipline training might be in order.
BDSM Can Also Be About Discipline
Meaning that you train a slave in order to act a certain way. You might want them to perform certain tasks for you during one of your sessions and if they don’t act the way you expect, then you might want to use spanking or bondage to show them what happens when they don’t perform according to your desires. Remember to use your punishment forms of spanking and bondage.
In these cases, you may want to:
- Have tests for your slave – Come up with a few tests that your slave needs to pass in order to be pleasured or perhaps in order to not receive pain.
- Ask your slave to do certain things – During the day before you have a session with your slave, you may want to ask them to do things for you, and then punish them if this doesn’t happen.
- Be clear about the punishments – Because some slaves will do things wrong just to receive punishments, you need to be clear that these are not designed to give them pleasure. You also need to be clear about when the slave can expect to be punished, so they understand your parameters.
Other Fun Ideas
BDSM can also be about only granting pleasure when you want them to have pleasure. Unless they do a good job pleasing you or follow your commands perfectly you will not allow them to receive any pleasure in return.
Something that works especially well is to bring your slave to a certain height of pleasure and then introduce pain to halt their climax. Bring your submissive as close to cumming as possible, then stop everything you are doing and introduce a hard spanking to halt their orgasm. Or you might tie your slave up so that they can’t move as you bring them to pleasure – and then you stop. They won’t be able to do anything but writhe in pain. Do this long enough and they will be begging you for release.
BDSM Above All, As A Power Exchange
From your message, it sounds like you are a person who will be in control, so you need to think about what you want from the relationship and what that looks like. How do you want your slave to behave? How do you want your sessions to look? If you determine what you want, then you can begin to craft scenes that will support your desires.
In addition, you need to remember that your slave has a say in this relationship. You might want to talk to them about how they want to be treated and how they might feel about certain punishments. If your slave does not want to be in bondage or they don’t want to be spanked, that might mean you need to find another slave, or you need to think about other things you can do together.
So, new slave owner, think about what you want from your BDSM relationship. Since it’s new, you might change your mind in a few months, and that’s okay too. And it’s completely okay if you just want to spank your slave, and they have given you permission to do so. What you do in your bedroom or dungeon is completely up to you.
If you feel there are other things I didn’t cover or you would just like to share your opinion, please leave a comment below.
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