I Want My Boyfriend To Be More Dominant

Hi Master Bishop,

I am, and My Master, are new to this lifestyle. We enjoy it very much, but I have a few questions. My Master and I have been together for a few months. In the beginning it was very exciting. However, I feel myself wanting to mis-behave to get My Master to be more involved. I feel I am more submissive than He is dominant. I know He has it in Him to be more dominant. I’m trying to provoke a more dominant Master in Him by deliberately talking back or doing things I know He doesn’t approve of. Which is not something a slave should do, but I’m not getting the same thrill as I did in the beginning. What should I do? How much defiance is too much? How much defiance is acceptable for a sub? The service you two are providing to new people is very helpful, and I hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.

-LadySub

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Master Bishop’s Thoughts

If there was one question I see far too often, it’s this one from submissives – how can I add more thrill to the relationship? Let’s start off by looking at what your expectations for your BDSM relationship are.

Right at the start of any relationship, you and your Master should have sat down to talk about what you both expect from your time together. Whether this includes a long training schedule or it includes a 24/7 lifestyle of dominance and submission, you need to be clear about what you both want and what you can both give to the other person.

The truth is that porn movies and BDSM stories make it seem so much more romantic to have a slave trapped in a cage all the time. But in real life, slaves have jobs, Masters have families, and life is not just about being in service to another. Now, if you have the resources to do this, then you are one of the lucky few. For the rest, their Dom/sub life must be adjusted around everyday life. I only bring this up because this is typically where things go wrong for relationships.

Many submissives believe that their real life should be exactly how they have fantasized it for so many years. You have to remember your fantasies are you, that is why they are so good. You know exactly what it is you like. In real life, your partner can never match your fantasies because they can’t read your mind and will never know exactly how you want things every minute of every day.

Therefore you must talk about what you both want from the relationship. Do you need to be trained? What kind of training do you want, sexual, house service, etc? Do you want more bondage or pain in your sessions? These are all things you need to talk about in great detail, outside of the bedroom. You might find that since your Master is relatively new to the BDSM relationship, he might not be ready to take things to a higher level of training or he might not even know there is a higher level of training. He might not even know you want to him to be more Dominant then he is being. Also since he is new, you must be patient, let him start off slowly so that he can figure out what works for him. Remember there are two people in this relationship and the Dominant’s needs and desires are just as important as the submissive’s.

At the same time, I get the sense you are trying to top from the bottom, so to speak. It sounds like you are trying to control your relationship, you want things when you want them and exactly how you want them. The point of being submissive is to give up that control and find pleasure in the service of your Dominant. Not to expect that everything should be done the way you want it and when you don’t get it, try to manipulate your Dominant into giving it to you.

Now, I understand that you want more, but if you’re not happy with your partner and you haven’t talked to him about it, you really can’t complain. Just as with any relationship, you can’t expect the other person to read your mind. You need to talk about it, see what they think, and then work on the concern together. Communication is essential.

Right now, I also want to tell you that trying to get punishment from your Master shows that you aren’t clear what your role as a submissive is. While you might enjoy the sensations, you’re not being trained when you manipulate. If you were my slave, I would not punish you physically at all. I would send you away to make you think about why you want to be a submissive in the first place. If you truly wanted to serve, you would do what your Master wants.

If you simply want to be spanked, you don’t have to be a submissive or be with a Master to get that sort of play. Stop and think about your role right now. It sounds like you might need to figure out what being a submissive means to you. Do you take pleasure in servicing your Dominant’s desires and punished when you do not comply or do you just enjoy spanking, flogging and the other forms of kinky play?

Understanding your desires and communicating those desires with your Dominant is essential for the both of you to create the type of relationship you both want.

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>>>For more ways to enhance a relationship between a Dominant and submissive go to ===> The Dom/sub Relationship Tutorial
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Regards,

Master Bishop

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4 thoughts on “I Want My Boyfriend To Be More Dominant”

  1. I could see right away from the capital “L” in Lady that she is not a complete submissive and she is deliberately trying to disrespect her Dom by misbehaving. You were absolutely correct in suggesting more communication. This is the most important aspect in a D/s relationship. My Dom and I talk all the time about our sessions, what works and doesn’t work and ways to improve our ongoing lifestyle. We are very comfortable adding new toys, discipline methods and I also am free to suggest new positions, clothing, etc., which my Dom appreciates very much. I never forget my place and spend a lot of time on ways to be the perfect sub. lady sub should do the same.

  2. Thank you for this, once I got onto the right frame of mind about serving my master instead of just pleasuring him everything just came so easily we are both so happy with are life style, that serving him and understanding his needs when he wants them makes it so amazing ,,, thank you again

  3. I’ve got to admit I get confused with the fact that you seem to go back and forth between Dom/sub and Master/slave in your answers to the questions and your writings, sorry no disrespect intended.

    slave debsy

    1. Thank you slave debsy for your comment and I can understand how that could be confusing. I interchange the titles, so people can understand that any information shared is for anybody in the lifestyle independent upon how they choose to label themselves or their relationship.

      I hope you enjoy O/our articles and connect some aspects of them as a slave and hopefully people who identify as a submissive may be able to connect with them as well. It might be in different ways but hopefully something resonates with them as well.

      Again, thank you for your comment and I hope that clears up any confusion it might cause.

      Master Bishop

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