Living As A Little In BDSM And Life

Living Little In BDSM

Being a 24/7 little is something I love about myself because it gives me a chance to practice self-compassion and serves as an outlet from the realities of adulthood in a safe manner. Sometimes though, it can be difficult if I fall into littlespace at inopportune times and it can be especially challenging during times when I don’t have a caregiver to interact with. That being said, being able to navigate and be comfortable in littlespace on my own is an invaluable experience that I would never want to give up.

The way I define a “little” is someone who intentionally and enthusiastically tunes in with their inner child for emotional, mental, or physical satisfaction. I believe having a healthy and nurtured inner child leads to a better overall mental state and can lead to healing past traumas as well as guide one towards cultivating inner peace. At least, that’s what it’s meant for me.

BDSM and kink has never been just a fun bedroom activity for me. While it is immensely fun and satisfying, it’s more of a lifestyle and serves as an avenue for personal development and healing.

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The Importance of Nurturing Your Inner Child

The concept of the inner child is not something new by any means. Mental health professionals have discussed it since the 70’s although research suggests that the concept had been around as early as the late 1800s. Being little and experiencing little space is how I actively nurture my inner child. Developing self-awareness, listening to my little, and delving deep into what she needs has not only led to personal growth in my life overall but also has helped me learn to vet potential caregivers.

Kink is a way to express myself safely in a controlled environment. My littleness is not rooted in eroticism though I have explored dark ageplay in controlled environments. Something I’ve learned about myself throughout my kink journey is that “satisfaction” in the kink setting isn’t something inherently sexual. It can be emotional and mental as well. That’s what being little is for me — an emotional and mental release. I am happy that I can still see the small wonders of life. Whether that be experiencing joy at blowing bubbles, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, or cuddling with a stuffie while watching a beloved cartoon. Incorporating littleness into my daily life is an intentional act of self-love and satisfaction.

Self-Care For Littles​

Self-care is a universal good. Investing my energy into myself has been the biggest help in tackling the adult world. As someone who has chronic mental issues including depression and anxiety, creating a self-care routine is imperative.

When I first found the kink world, the little community resonated with me immediately. I had stuffed animals my whole life, everyone in my social circle treated me like their baby sister (even if I was older), and I often would get my way through pouts and foot-stomping. So, when I learned what a “little” was I thought “ah yes. I’ve found my people”.

After integrating in the community, I decided to be more intentional with my little. Carving out dedicated time for littleness, wearing specific clothes for those times, and allowing myself to go deeper into that headspace.

One of the best and most amazing things I discovered was that while in littlepace, I never felt depressed. Littlespace is regressive for me and often I regress to the ages where I had the most joy in life. So being in that headspace cultivated a lot of joy for me that often stayed with me while not in that space. After some experimenting, I decided to incorporate little play into my comprehensive self-care plan.

Coloring Time

As an actual child, I stopped working with colors because I thought I wasn’t good at coloring. A lot of my art pieces were black and white because of this. I met many littles who enjoyed coloring and I thought to myself “where has the color gone from my life” so, I decided to take up coloring without judgement or expectation.

Coloring time is for expression. To allow myself to experiment with colors that match what I feel. It’s a form of artistic journaling that lets me cultivate a bit of peace for myself. As well, as someone who’s mind is always abuzz, it serves as an activity that I can focus on so that I can quiet my mind.

Bath Time

I’ve always adored bath time. Bubbles are the number one way to make me feel small and for some time, I was obsessed about finding the perfect rubber ducky. I used to love the rubber ducky song from Sesame Street so having a more intentional bath time helps ground me in little space.

Not only do I have a chance to relax my mind, I take the opportunity to focus on the wellness of my physical body. I’ll add bubbles for little me, but I’ll also add Epsom salts and essential oils as well.

Play Time

Somewhere along my journey of being very sheltered, having restrictive relationships, and experiencing real-world problems, I forgot how to play. I had forgotten how freeing it felt to run around and return to the playground week after week until I finally learned how to cross the monkey bars. I seemed to forget that sweet moment of triumph which filled my whole heart up.

Play is so important but as we grow older, I think it’s hard to make space for play. We don’t go to the playground anymore. We don’t play hopscotch because we have jobs and responsibilities. We certainly don’t play tag anymore because there’s a weird sense of pride that we develop that says to us “you’re too old”.

Somehow, I’d lost the ability to play but littleness gives me the space to rekindling that feeling. Instead of seeing the world devoid of playgrounds, I changed my perspective about it. Fitness is the perfect avenue to experience play. For example, I consider the gym to be my playground. I can run and jump as much as I can. There are things I can’t yet do such as lift myself on the pull-up bar. Every week, as I keep practicing, I find so much joy in getting closer to that goal. It says to little me “keep trying, you can do it”.

I also take martial arts classes which allow me the hands-on rumbling and tumbling that I used to love as a child. It brings me joy and allows me to be little in a safe and constructive environment.

Aftercare

It took me some time to understand the importance of aftercare. To me, aftercare serves as a way to bring one back to the objective reality of life in as gentle a way as possible. As someone who gets deep into headspaces (whether that be littlespace, subspace, or petspace), aftercare is essential to my kink life.

There are three main ways littleness is tied to my aftercare.

It’s important to actively experiment with techniques that bring me calm or help me in and out of littlespace because as I interact with other Bigs or Dominants, I can better explain what aftercare to me looks like.

Routines and Rituals for Little You

When I delved deeper into what matters to me, I realized that my health is important to me. My weight, flexibility, and mental health are the things I value most and in order to reach my ideal state, I have to set routines and rituals in place.

One thing that Caregivers or Dominants provide is structure to the life of a little. However, I think it’s important to test out and develop routines for myself so I can provide my potential Big with what things work for me and what things I need help with. For example, I know that having a 10pm bedtime works best for me. I’ve experimented with varying bedtimes and 10pm is the best. So, when I find a new caregiver, I can communicate with them that if they want to enforce a bedtime that 10pm works best for me.

Pre-bed milk recipe
1 cup milk (almond, oat, or lactose-free)
Sprinkle of cinnamon
Dash of vanilla
1/1-1 tablespoon of honey

Warm the milk and stir the ingredients and put in your favorite bottle or mug. It helps with sleep and is a sure-fire way to make me feel small and relaxed.

Interacting With Bigs

Bigs should enhance your little experience not define it. A caregiver is not going to tell you how to be a better little, you learn how to be little through self-exploration and interacting with other littles. By taking care of my little and understanding what she needs, I can better communicate with my Bigs.

In the beginning of my kink journey, I struggled during the vetting process because little me would vet potentials. I learned early on that that is detrimental and that I have to be big while vetting so as to protect little me. Sadly, there are predators out there as well as people who get off on control rather than care about providing nurture. In littlespace, I can’t always see that.

I had gotten into a dynamic with a guy I had known for years. He wanted to be my Big but the problem was that he wasn’t good at creating a safe space for me to be little. Oftentimes, I would have to “be the adult” in the situation. At some point I realized “if little me was an actual child outside of myself, I would not trust this person to take care of her”. After that, I applied the same logic to my vetting process. Making sure a Big is safe to be little around is important in preventing damage to my inner child.

Not Giving Into The Feels

There are times when little me gets lonely. Having a Daddy or Mommy feel safe and comfortable. However, sometimes things don’t work out for various reasons and that’s okay. Perhaps there’s a non-D/s relationship incompatibility issue. Maybe the person lives to far away. Whatever the case may be, in those times where I don’t have a caregiver it can be hard. In an effort to manage my own emotions, I focus my intentions on creating space for little me whenever I can. I talk to other littles and plan playdates.

I always remind myself that it’s better to wait until for a good caregiver comes along rather than settle and give in to loneliness. Anyone can call themselves a Daddy or Mommy but not everyone is willing or capable of being in a Cg/l dynamic.

Living as a 24/7 little brings me joy and peace and is something I wish that everyone, whatever their kink is, can experience.

By Scarlette Hemsworth

Scarlette is a polyamorous kinkster, freelance writer, sex worker, and indie author based out of California. She was introduced to the kink world in 2018 and identifies as a 24/7 little, sub, and ABDL. Scarlette enjoys watching anime, playing video games, and building terrariums in her spare time.

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