How To Tell The Difference Between Fake And Real Dominants

Choosing the Dominant that you want to serve is a serious decision. One that is taken far too lightly but in fact should not be. Making yourself mentally and physically vulnerable to the wrong person can have terrible repercussions. A genuine Dominant can produce a supportive relationship that will allow a submissive to feel safe enough to be their true self thus allowing for more intense experiences.

With that said, it only takes a submissive a very short period of time searching for a Dominant or weeding through the hundreds of horny email requests to realize of the many people claiming to be Dominant only a few truly are. Depending on who you speak with or what survey has been completed, the numbers can range between 1 real Dominant for every 10 – 1000 submissives. The numbers can also vary depending upon gender, orientation and BDSM interests. This means that you are going to come across more fakers than real Dominants in your search. Before you become frustrated and give up, here are some differences to watch for when you have just met someone claiming to be Dominant to help distinguish between the fakers and the real Deal.

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I wish you all the best in your search for the Dominant of your dreams.

Do you have any traits you look for in determining if a Dominant is fake or real? Do you have any tests you use? Or if you just have a horror story about a nightmare of a Dominant please leave a comment below.

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By Master Bishop

The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 20 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 15 years.

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15 thoughts on “How To Tell The Difference Between Fake And Real Dominants”

    1. I honestly liked the article. I am a submissive and as I read this article- I am happy to find a true dominant for me. One more Question I often like to ask is -“If sexual things gets removed from BDSM- will they remain to be a dominant?” – to any true dominant I met, the answer was yes because bdsm is about control and trust they exchange

  1. My sub was with ,, I wouldn’t say a “fake” dom just a bad dom. I have spent the last year having her find herself so she can become a more complete submissive

  2. The Isolator-

    I have a nightmare story that cost me dearly. Bill got to me when I was vulnerable, it was 6 years before I was finally able to get him out of my life. Sadly the damage was permanent- over $20,000 in debts, 2 children placed for adoption- ( he claimed they weren’t his and proof that I had cheated). He also killed my cat- whom I shared a very strong emotional bond.

    The warning here is to beware of the Isolator.

    He is a man who likes to things his way. To achieve this he will separate his target from family and friends. Often this includes mental games and emotional manipulation to convince his target that it’s best to sever ties. One key part is constantly moving locations, after convincing me that it’d be a great idea to live together with the Isolator in my life maneuvered us to many different addresses. Each one would be farther from my friends and family than the previous.

    Once this is done, the slave mentality sets in- he will do nothing and complain if nothing gets done or if things are dirty. With mine, I was expected to do all of the housework, pay the bills, etc while he lounged on the couch watching his TV programs and movies.

    With regards to personal attachments and other friendships and relationships, the Isolator may have many of them but allows his target none. He will deprive his slave of contact with others. This may include pets. As I mentioned, mine killed my cat. Once he had me so far away from them that my family and friends refused to make the drive to visit- he poisoned my cat.

    All I had left was him and he didn’t care about my pain, my heartbreak, or misery- I was expected to clean house and perform for him in bed. If I refused, there were fights, arguments, and accusations of seeing someone else. In the mean time – he would spend his money foolishly, go out when he wanted, and spend time with other people- leaving me isolated and alone with no means to reach out to anyone for help.

    It’s only to the thanks of another person who saw what was going on and offered to help that I was able to break free of this animal.

    After Bill, I buried the submissive in me, denying this part of me because I related ‘her’ to my experience with Bill.

    It’s now 2017, 21 years since he was evicted from my life. My only regrets from this experience are the death of my cat Pita and abandoning my other cats Wizard and Stormy. I miss them more than I can express.

    With regards to the BDSM- he claimed he was a Dom, that it’s what he wanted. I overheard him once tell a friend about me- “she’s a Libra, that makes her perfect to be a submissive”

    – okay yes, I am a Libra, but that has nothing- zero, zilch, to do with being submissive. There is no legitimate connection to justify this claim.

    I digress- With him there was no negotiation, no agreements, it was “I want to try this, we’re going to do it.” And often his wants left marks on my body for more than a week. The very first thing he tried- tying me to the bed- I lost the circulation in my hands and feet. The rope impressions stayed for days. Why did I let this happen some have asked- my answer is that he had broken me, And his mental games kept me down.

    Fast forward to today. I met Ed on April 30th. I had no idea what I was in for with him. What I did know was that he flirted, made me laugh, and made me feel comfortable in his presence. Within a month, I was in his arms and the way he treated me was like a 180* from Bill. Like I said- he made me laugh, he flirted, time with him was fun. And it continues to be. Our first time together, he did something I never thought would happen. Just from the way he treated me, and I don’t mean the touching, (although the cuddling is awesome) he made me want to submit- to surrender. He woke up this part of me that I had denied for so long.

    Another example of the difference- is the collar. Bill wanted to slap a strip if anything around my neck- rope, metal, whatever. Ed has been taking his time and painstakingly searching for just the right one.

    It’s going on 3 months now and I feel damned lucky to have met Ed and to have him in my life. I feel spoiled by the simplest things like being with me, flirting, making me laugh. He also teaches me, helping me to learn and understand what this really is and what it’s about. He also inspires and challenges me- which is something that’s just as important as any form of attention.

    Yeah, I’m spoiled and it has nothing to do with spending money. You could say that it’s because he woke me up and helped me to reconnect with this part od who I am without fear, intimidation, or mind games.

    Even though I didn’t know about this part of him that night- I have thanked him for being the one who was there when I was finally ready to meet someone new ( in general). It could have been another Bill at that dance party- but I lucked out this time. And I’m thankful that it was Ed.

  3. Thank you very much. I understand the basics of Dom searching, it is very frustrating. Your information is wonderful and quite welcome! I would like to respectfully request permission to use the pic above to post on my page. Thank you again for your wisdom.

  4. What if you were accidentally a pretender… You hurt your sub emotionally. Are you forever locked in that fate or is it possible through open communication and guidance of some one experienced and therapy that I can makes sure to never be a pretender again? He says he is scare I cant fix how I did this and after everything I see online it looks like I will forever be abusive. I dont want that please help me. I dont want to hurt the ones I love unless they really want me to.

  5. I have dealt with soooo many fakes both online and in person. One fake I spoke to on the phone and he obviously cared nothing about me, just wanting unearned respect and submission. He said he was coming to my place to pick me up and I told him not to come. He didn’t listen to me so I told him not to come over 8 times and told him I would not come outside. He ignored me and we argued about it on the phone until he was halfway to my place then said that I waited until he got almost all the way there to tell him not to come. I told him over and over – he just didn’t want to hear it. He finally arrived at my place and told me to come outside, threatened me to come outside and was really aggressive. I told him no and after about 10 mins of arguing about that he finally called me a name and left. Fortunately I didn’t give in and I lived in a large 10 building apartment complex so he didn’t even know which building I lived in. But the thing that makes it the most scary is that I never told him where I lived, I don’t allow social media to track where I am – hell I barely even use social media. I have no idea to this very day how he knew the apartments that I lived in all those years ago. Then I met another fake one time at a restaurant in walking distance of where I lived. He seemed nice and polite at first and we had a great lunch and talked and laughed but when I met him again for a second time. This time he was a lot more pushy and wanted me to perform oral on him – this was only the second time we met. Eventually I had him just take me to the gas station near my house and walked home because I didn’t feel comfortable with him knowing where I lived yet. Later that same week he wanted me to come to his house to “play”. We had not talked about safe words, things that are hard and soft limits of any of the things that you are supposed to go over before agreeing to play together. We had only met two other times. I however wasn’t even considering it because I wasn’t feeling well. I have sickle cell anemia and was in a lot of pain and it was clear to me that my blood was low. I told him this and informed him that I would be going to the hospital within the next day or so. To my surprise instead of saying that he understood and telling me to feel better soon or to get well, he did the opposite and demanded that I not go to the hospital but instead come to play with and serve him instead. He went as far as barring me from going to the hospital. Obviously I paid him no mind and went to the hospital where I got a blood transfusion fluids, and heavy pain meds for my disease. Once he found out that I was in the hospital he was very unhappy and started messaging me a lot. When I ignored his texts while I was in the hospital he called me a fake sub who was just playing games. Ironically, all of his behavior since we first met easily proved to me that he was the one who was fake. When we first met that’s one thing that he kept constantly saying – that he was looking for a real submissive but all of the ones he kept running into were fake. I realized that the truth of what was probably going on was that all of the subs he ran into were real and easily pegged him as a fake instead.
    So I’ve had lots of contact with fake Doms, especially online. Ones that immediately address you as a derogatory name upon messaging you, ones that claim to be understanding of your depression and other illnesses but then treat you like crap and then when you refuse to call them Master or refuse to be on their beck and call even though you don’t even know their name or anything about them they come out and call you fake, say you aren’t a true sub and other messed up things. I just wish that more people who are interested in BDSM or an D/s relationship because of the 50 shades booms and movies would have this important information to start out with. Thank you so much for providing it, do you mind if I put it on my profile if I link it back to you and your website?

    1. Hi Star,

      i am sorry to hear that you had to go through what sounds like such scary experiences. Luckily you were able to see the signs early and able to avoid potentially dangerous situations. So I’m glad in the end you are ok.

      Sadly, these kind of stories are far more common than you would think.

      W/we would be honored to have you share this on your profile, W/we always appreciate any help in sharing O/our content. All I ask is that you add a link back to the original picture and not change the picture. Thank you for asking and for help to spread the message.

      I hope you have more positive supportive experiences with Doms in the future.
      Master Bishop

  6. Great infographic that covers all the bases of what to look for in a good Dom and how to spot a bad one. Thanks!

  7. I’m in contact on social media with somebody who claims she’s a mistress, but I can’t get her to come meet me in person or even on video chat. She wants me to help purchase toys by sending money to somebody on Venmo who she says is her toy supplier. I’ve been ripped off badly in this way before, but she insists on having it her way before she will set up a meeting. She’s had me answer many questions like a survey of my BDSM interests as well as other interests, but I’m very reluctant to commit to somebody who will not show herself unless I first spend money on toys, etc.

    I’m really very tired of this quest of finding a mistress and feel like giving up because all I ever seem to meet is scammers or women who want to use me as a sugar daddy.

  8. I do have a tree Dom I read all your literature I am his great submissive one and he is so gentle and patient with me I hate cops very kind but he Stern he’s respectful and we have conversations like dress how he wants me to I do what he wants how to drop a pin I trust him 1000% my dominant is the real deal nothing like Fifty Shades of Grey

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