Can BDSM Be Non-Erotic

One of the reasons why many couples begin to test out BDSM in their relationship is to see if they can add some spark to their sex life. But that is not the reason why all people get involved in the BDSM lifestyle. Many times, an individual might want to try out BDSM to see if they can handle the power struggle. They might simply want to hand over control to another person for a while to see what it’s like – without any sex in the process. While this might still have erotic qualities, it definitely doesn’t end up in the bedroom. Is this still BDSM?

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Remembering Your Definitions
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When you look at the term, BDSM, you might want to remember what it stands for: bondage, domination, submission (or sadism), and masochism. If you look around these terms, you don’t see the idea of eroticism. While many people may find these different sorts of roles and tools erotic, what you need to remember is that they’re not necessarily sexual. Just as you can like a person without having sex with them, you can have BDSM without any sort of sexual touch or movement. All you need is to have both partners be aware of what their goals are and what they will or will not do.

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The Joy of Losing Control
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Losing control is something many people enjoy as a sort of release from the outside pressures of the world. This is why you see many high-powered executives doing to Masters and Mistresses for some erotic sessions. They want to hand over the reins to someone else for a while. Even if there is no sex, there is also no need for them to do anything other than follow orders. For many people, this giving of control is also an act of trust in another person. Sometimes, when you’re unable to trust a lot of people in the world, handing over complete trust to someone who ties you up and who make you do things you would never do on your own is just what you need. This allows you to play out your fantasies in a safe and secure environment. You might very well have another partner, but they might not be into BDSM, so this other relationship gives you something that makes you feel complete in your sex life.

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How to Find a Non-Erotic Play Partner
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The trick with having BDSM not be erotic is to find a partner who is willing to play the role, but not go to the extreme of having sex with you. You need to be clear about what you want from the relationship and what you don’t want. It’s a good idea to make out a contract between you and the other person, helping to draw clear lines in what you want to happen when you’re together. Of course, it is also a good idea that you truly do know this other person and trust them so that you can be assured you’re not going to end up chained in someone’s basement forever. Talking to friends who might be able to recommend a good dominant partner is the best way to find someone reliable. They will also be able to relay the message that you’re not interested in sex.

When you want to try out BDSM, but you’re not interested in the sex part, you might want to talk to someone about exploring the power struggle, without the sex. While it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, BDSM can still be an exciting way to see what your limits are – and then to see how much farther you can take yourself.

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Regards,

Master Bishop

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5 thoughts on “Can BDSM Be Non-Erotic”

  1. i am a submissive/slave and i am this way for non-sexual reasons. i believe that there are those in this world that are here to be dominate over those that are in this world that were born to be submissive. i believe that i am in this world to be submissive/slave and am willing to do everything that is told to me. Do i have hard limits? yes i will do nothing that has children or animals involved this is by far out of bounds for anybody as far as i am concerned

  2. I don’t believe BDSM is really about sex anyway, but because of the nature of it, and that it is very sensual (to me anyway) it can lead to sex easily. I mean, i can indulge in BDSM , though i may not feel like sex that day. My belief is that BDSM all about power exchange, and that to some people is a turn on. Usually in vanilla, it is the man hungry for sex and the woman who tend to withhold or have the last say. In BDSM (in my experience) it is often the the way around, The Dom can withhold sex and the (female) submissive is the one who fantasizes about being used and abused and that usually means sex. Although(as a Dom) I love withhold sex and and make them beg for it, or take them by force when they are least expecting it, you shouldn’t withhold for too long, as the sub may feel they aren’t getting what they need from the relationship. I am not too articulate with wording my thoughts, but this is as close as i can get to formulating my ideas. i guess you get the picture, as with anything, there are many variables to consider always.

  3. I think this is the basic dynamic behind most pro-dome sessions actually though with more eroticism involved but generally without sex.

  4. I am also a submissive male . My Domme and i do not have sex apart from strapon sex. The thrill for me includes the power exchange and the sense of never knowing what to expect during a session. I reach sub space easily and i am finding that i am reaching sexual gratification on a mental level which is a very powerful feeling for me. I am a BDSM addict.

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