When you hear Domestic Discipline what do you picture? Perhaps it’s the image of Lucy laid across Ricky’s lap from the good ole’ airings of I Love Lucy. Or perhaps you think it is vanilla people’s way to get kinky. Or maybe you have no idea so to be sarcastic you just say discipline that happens domestically. All three of these answers are equally correct, and also wrong at the same time.
Domestic discipline is just like what it sounds like. It is a relationship that is partly domestic, partly discipline, and has the power to transform dynamics. In domestic discipline, one partner, deemed the Head of Household (HOH) or Dominant, has the most power inside the home and makes all final decisions. This power is usually non-sexual, and instead involves the HOH determining the ins and outs of the household, and expectations for how the house should be kept. The other partner, deemed the taken in hand (tih) or submissive, is expected to keep the household to the standards the HOH or Dominant has set. Failure to meet this expectation means the HOH can, and does, enforce their authority through discipline (yes–this means spankings). Intrigued yet? Confused? Still stuck on the visual of Lucy across Ricky’s knee. Let’s get a little deeper into what this transformative dynamic is.
Sharing Is Kinky
All Things Domestic
Ever wish vanilla life didn’t have to get in the way of your dynamic. That the day to day activities of life didn’t make the dynamic disappear. Well I have a solution and it comes in the form of the domestic part of domestic discipline. Domestic in domestic discipline refers to a practice called domestic servitude. It is when there are rules and expectations around all the domestic duties of the household. Making the bed, doing the dishes, cooking dinner, heck even refilling the toilet paper all can have rules and expectations around when and how they are done. This may seem just like more things to have to keep track of, but it actually is very bonding and intimate. Every part of your day has an aspect of your D/s dynamic in it. No longer is your submissive just making the bed, they are making the bed to be pleasing to you. No longer are they just cleaning the dishes because they need to done, they are doing them because you desire them to be done. Every household chore is now an opportunity for the submissive to please and serve their Dominant.
The domestic part of domestic discipline also means no two domestic discipline dynamics are the same. Everyone likes their home kept a certain way. Things like how the towels are folded, how the dishwasher is loaded, or how the bed is made tend to be different even in small ways between different domestic discipline relationships. Trust me from experience, there are a lot of different ways to fold clothes and set the dinner table. This is also what makes each domestic discipline dynamic so bonding. It is particular to you and your submissive, and unique to your needs and agreements. Your submissive is doing things the way you want them. The home looks the way you desire it: not just clean, but your kind of clean. Dinner is made not just to feed you, but made and served in a way which is pleasing to you. Domestic discipline takes your kink and blends it with the way you like your home to be, to make a dynamic which truly is part of your everyday life, because it deals with everything inside your home.
Time for Discipline
So now you have made your rules and expectations of the home, and then you come home only to notice the bed hasn’t been made. Welcome to the second part of domestic discipline, the discipline. Discipline within domestic discipline households usually consists of the normal spanking, corner time, and lines. There are some who have domestic discipline blended with their dynamics whose discipline may go into whippings, figgings, or denied orgasms. Again, it is all about what works for you and your submissive.
The unique part of the discipline in domestic discipline is it all centers around things within the home, which can make it quite easy for a submissive to get in trouble, allowing sadistic Doms out there the room to flex their sadistic muscle. Are the bedroom sheets not tucked the right way? Time for spanking. Is the plate not perfectly centered? Time for spankings. When a sadist and masochist get together in a domestic discipline relationship it can be a lot of fun.
Now don’t go thinking domestic discipline is just for sadists and masochists. D/s couples who don’t have sadism as part of their dynamic can still find so much benefit from this dynamic. These dynamics aren’t all about punishments either. Yes, there are plenty of opportunities to be corrected when every part of the running of the household can be a rule, but this also means there are plenty of times to be rewarded. This ability for multiple parts of the day to bring punishment or reward makes this kind of relationship that much more bonding, as it gives menial tasks back meaning and gives the partners many opportunities to see their D/s unfold.
Domestic Discipline: A Dynamic or a Kink
Domestic discipline can come in two forms, either as a dynamic or as a kink. First, let’s look at purely domestic discipline (DD) dynamics. These dynamics may or may not have titles, and may or may not have sexual rules. What they do have is lots of rules and expectations around the household.
The HOH or Dom sets expectations for when and how things should be cleaned, grocery shopping, meals, and even finances and wardrobe. Looking from the outside some may even mistake a dynamic like this from M/s because the HOH is truly given complete control inside of the home. The only things missing are titles (though you may hear a Sir or Ma’am here and there), and the lack of a sexual motivation behind the dominance. The Dom and sub (or HOH and tih) typically engage in these dynamics not out of a sexual desire to submit or dominate, but because they truly think households and relationships run better with rules, structure, and discipline. Purely DD dynamics are not all that common, as most DD dynamics eventually turn into D/s dynamics.
Now, let’s go to option two for the kinksters interested in pursuing domestic discipline. These kinksters are the ones who will discover a whole new world by adding the vanilla kinkery to their lifestyles. For these individuals, domestic discipline is a part of their dynamic, not their main dynamic. Every aspect of the home is rooted in submission and in the submissive behaving appropriately by doing them to the Dominant’s liking. The best way I can explain it is from my experience. My first dynamic started without domestic discipline. Things still got done in the house, but it was because I like to clean and like a clean house. When we began doing domestic discipline my focus wasn’t on just folding the towels, but folding them the way he liked them. It wasn’t on doing the laundry, but on doing the laundry on the day he wanted. I didn’t cook dinner because we were hungry, I had dinner ready by 6:30 pm because that was my expectation. Our relationship blossomed under all this control. I gained pride and confidence from my domestic servitude, and He gained confidence in His dominance when He saw the house the way He wanted.
Adding domestic discipline to a dynamic isn’t that difficult either. All you have to do as a Dominant is think of what an ideal home would be in terms of chores, laundry, grocery shopping, and whatever else you are nitpicky about, and make rules or expectations around them. If you are a submissive, present the idea to your Dominant and have him come up with things he wants done around the house and make these rules or expectations.Things as simple as how often the house is vacuumed to as complex as how the bed sheet corners are tucked, anything in the home can be made into an expectation or rule. I know some domestic discipline couples who even make chore charts and schedules for the week. It is a kink which doesn’t involve you going through training, or reading fancy books, you simply add rules, maintain the rules, and enforce the rules through discipline (something many of us are already doing).
Is it Worth It?
At this point you may be wondering, if domestic discipline is so similar to what I already do, why bother? Honestly, at first I thought this too. D/s is so good with the control it already has, why add household chores to it like I am a 1950s housewife. Well let me tie my hair back and fasten the waist belt on my polka dot dress here while I tell you. It will change your dynamic, for the better. Or at least it did for us.
Inside of our dynamic my Sir has the normal D/s control: He has a title, I kneel at His feet, I shine His boots, and yes we have sexual rules as well. However, there are also dozens of ways He asserts His dominance throughout the day without ever lifting a finger thanks to domestic discipline.
I feel an uneasiness in my submission when the house isn’t clean or the laundry isn’t done, because of my deep desire to please Him and my knowledge of His expectations. When His laundry is folded, or His dinner is cooked, He is able to see my submission in subtle ways. Another benefit, no matter if there are children or vanilla adults in the house it is easy for me to show my submission and Him to assert His dominance without them knowing.
The fact a meal is cooked or the house looks presentable for them is because of His expectation. When my hair is pulled back instead of down, He knows it is because it is His expectation. When His coffee is made and ready every morning, He knows again, it is because He has instructed me to do so. And when He comes home on nights like tonight and the bed isn’t made, and the room is not straightened, He knows it is time for Him to discipline domestically.
Summing it Up
Domestic discipline is the best of both worlds: it allows us kinksters to infuse our dynamics into our vanilla lives, and keep menial tasks from feeling so menial. It can enhance a dynamic, or be the start of a whole new dynamic, and can always be made 100 percent unique to you, your needs, your submissive, and your desires. I will be writing a lot more about the nuances behind domestic discipline, like consent, when not to discipline, and how to engage in domestic discipline in public, but to start is simple. Look at your home, think of how you want it to be, make it an expectation, gain consent of your partner, get to enforcing, and prepare to see your dynamic flourish through domestic discipline.
By Bratty Ann
Bratty Ann has been in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for 4 years serving as a slave, a pet, a submissive, and, of course, a brat. She has developed a deep passion for the lifestyle and for educating others on keeping it safe, sane, and consensual. Her favorite topics to educate on include domestic discipline, taming brats, and mental health in BDSM.
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