BDSM Question: How To Perform A Collaring Ceremony

Master Bishop’s Opinion

Much like a ring for a traditional vanilla wedding, the collar is a physical representation of the bond and commitment taken on by the Dominant and their submissive/slave.

In my experience, the collaring of a slave is a highly special time, a milestone that has been reached after a long period of submissive/slave training including, gained expertise in certain submissive trades/skills, passing tests set before them with flying colors, overall service and obedience and their typical day to day attitude towards submission/slavery. It is not something that happens overnight, nor is it something that should be done for all slaves. Not all subs/slaves are ready to be collared, and not all of them want the responsibility of being collared.

Once a submissive/slave accepts the honor, their responsibility to their Dominant and their collar grows tenfold, so it is not something the submissive/slave should accept lightly.

It is also not something a Dominant should take lightly either, as it is two people who are being bound to the collar. While a Dominant must always look out for any sub they choose to be with, including their safety, and well-being. Many times Dom/sub play is just that play, a break and escape from the rigours of life. In such a situation, many Dominant’s are not looking for or want any more responsibility or commitment.

When a Dominant places a permanent collar on their sub/slave they are taking this person under their protection and with that comes the responsibility of making sure their sub/slave is taken care of, safe and receiving the life they need/desire. To ensure that the slave is living a better life with you rather than without you, giving them the support they need to be able to grow as a slave and as a person. This will be the most difficult thing a Dominant ever chooses to do.

Since it sounds like you are interested in the collaring honor, I would encourage you to talk with your Dominant about whether you are ready for this ceremony. I can only guess that this sort of activity was a part of your initial agreements (or have recently been discussed), and, if so, then a discussion about the timing and what your unique ceremony might entail is a good starting point.

If you have not talked about collaring with your Dominant before, then you need to start the conversation. Ask about what it would take to reach that point and what you must do in order to achieve that goal.

A collaring ceremony is frequently done when a slave has reached a certain point of training and has decided to yield their independence to their Dominant’s decision to make the sub/slave their property. It is a transition from simply being individuals within a partnership to being connected together within a Bond and permanently or at least for a longer period of time. Think of the importance of a collaring ceremony more like a wedding. This is the bidding of two people in a serious commitment, however they deem their relationship to be.

Collaring Ceremonies Are As Unique As The Individuals

Since every collaring ceremony is different (and should be, in my opinion), I can give share with you collaring ceremonies I have taken part in or heard of. But you and your Dominant may have other ideas, and it’s their job to figure out what is right for you and your Dominant.

In the past, I have planned collaring ceremonies far in advance, and I have not necessarily told my slave when they would be. I may have told them that the time was coming, but I have found that the more specific I am about when, the more lazy a slave can become. Some slaves think that once they are ‘in’ with a collar, they don’t have to work as hard. This is simply untrue.

Attendees

Some collaring ceremonies can be public declarations for friends and people within the local community. It allows the Dominant/submissive to share such a beautiful moment with others.

I have known other couples to keep things private and conduct the ceremony alone. Sometimes, a Dominant and submissive will have a traditional wedding for friends and family. Later while in the honeymoon suite, a private collaring ceremony will be conducted by the Dominant as they bind their slave to them.

Attire

As with everything else in the ceremony, it very much depends on personal taste. However, commonly the Dominant dresses formally in their best suit for Male Dominants or evening gown for Female Dominants, brandishing their favorite impact tool.

The submissive commonly will wear something more revealing, a simple loincloth for male subs or revealing yet elegant lingerie for female subs. Other ceremonies might prefer something less revealing and be as fully dressed as their Dominants. Still others might prefer to have the slave completely naked for the entire ceremony.

Other attire that is also option are cuffs and anklets, some ceremonies have the submissive present themselves in front of their Dominant already brandishing the bondage attire, while others prefer to add them during the ceremony.

One thing the submissive/slave will always have with them is a leash which they can either carry in hand to their Dominant or bear between their teeth as they crawl to their Dominant.

Ceremony

Much like a wedding ceremony the Dominant will be waiting at the front of the room or the location of their choosing. The collar should be on display for all to see and a written out contract should be beside it.

The submissive will approach their Dominant as the Dominant has decided. Once they have reached the Dominant they will present themselves on their knees in instructional position with their head bowed and eyes on the floor. Some people prefer the submissive to walk towards their Dominant and only kneel when they are too receive their collar as a sign of their last free decision to be made before being collared permanently.

Some Dominants have used the collaring ceremony as an ultimate test wherein if the submissive/slave is capable of passing can then receive the Dominant’s collar. A stringent testing of all of the slave skills they have learned: positions, commands, etc. I want to know the slave is truly dedicated and that they have learned what they were supposed to learn during our time together. If they have not, then the collaring will not happen. Others feel that the testing should have been conducted before hand and that this should be only a celebration of the submissives achievements and the binding of the two together. The choice is yours.

The ceremony will begin with the submissive/slave extending out their arms and presenting the leash they are carrying to their Dominant. The submissive will express to the Dominant why they are choosing of their own free will them as their Dominant, why they wish to be subservient to them and the responsibilities they are choosing to accept.

“This submissive/slave chooses to offer this leash to the Dominant as a symbol of their desire and need to follow the Dominant’s lead. For the Dominant to guide, protect, support and lead this submissive/slave on this journey in life.”

The submissive/slave can also choose to express any needs/responsibilities that must be accepted by the Dominant before they can take hold of the leash.

Once the Dominant has accepted the leash, they will take the collar in one hand at which point they will begin to describe all the major achievements and reasons why they are choosing to collar the submissive before them. They will also explain the conditions and responsibilities that the submissive will need to accept in order to be collared.

“Does this submissive/slave accept the conditions and responsibilities associated with receiving My collar?”

“Does the submissive/slave accept this collar of their own free will?” – allow them time to decide if they would rather withdraw from their decision.

The submissive/slave can then reply with “This submissive/slave happily accepts the honor of wearing The Dominant’s collar as a symbol of their ownership and fully understands and agrees to live by the conditions that come with such an honor. This submissive/slave will do everything in their power to fulfill their responsibilities and bring honor to the Dominant and their collar.”

The collar will then be placed around the neck of the submissive/slave and the leash will be attached.

The Dominant will then declare “submissive/slave, you now belong to Me!”

The submissive/slave will then declare “This submissive/slave now belongs to Dominant”

The Dominant will then lead the slave around the table that displayed the collar between 3-5 times as the slave crawls behind them as a representation of the start of their journey together.

Once complete, everybody who is there to witness can now welcome them both to a higher level of responsibility and celebrate their binding together. This is an amazing and truly important moment in your life so enjoy your celebration and make it as personal and special to you as you can.

If you celebrated your collaring ceremony differently or saw a beautiful way a collaring ceremony was performed please feel free to share it in the comment section below. W/we can all grow when W/we share what W/we know.