First Comes Trust Then Comes Submission

Quieting A Submissive Mind

When submitting to a Dominant, many new submissives find that their mind is continuously racing and they find it hard to focus on their Dominant.  This can create feelings of inadequacy and despair as a new sub can begin to feel like they are doing something wrong or that they are not good enough to be submissive to their Dominant.

You must understand that most if not all submissives go through this when they are first starting out.  In fact everybody does this when they are first learning a new skill.  O/our brains have been designed to instinctively want to protect U/us from harm.  When you are learning something new your chance of harm or injury is greatly amplified and therefore your brain is in overdrive to ensure you come out unscathed.

Let me give you an example:

Do you remember when you were first learning to drive?  Your mind was constantly racing, trying desperately to remember everything you needed to do.  Hands at 10 and 2, check your mirrors, where are all the other cars, watch the lane, watch the curb…etc, etc, etc.  Your mind was frantic to keep up with everything, and there wasn’t a moment of peace.

Five, ten, twenty years of driving and this skill has become second nature.  Not only is your mind quiet when you drive, but I’m sure you have driven home from work and completely forgotten how you even got home once or twice.  Your mind is able to relax and focus only on the task at hand on a subconscious level, thus freeing your conscious.

It is not that you are not a good driver or that you don’t deserve to be a driver because your mind is racing when you are first learning.  It is just that when you are first learning a new skill you need to utilize more of your conscious mind and that takes your focus away from other things to ensure you are safe.

The point is W/we all do this, so don’t become upset with yourself.  Just realize that being submissive is new to you, the skills and activities that you are participating in are new and your mind is going to overwork itself because it wants to make sure you are safe.  This is a good thing, because your safety should always be your first priority.

As you become more experienced and your feel more comfortable with your Dominant, your subconscious mind will begin to react and response to your training, allowing your conscious mind to more actively focus on remaining quiet so you can focus on your Dominant.

WARNING: Your Mind Races When Your Don’t Feel Safe

First Comes Trust Then Comes SubmissionYour mind will always be working when learning something new, because it is trying to keep you safe.  The same things happens when you just don’t feel safe.  In BDSM and/or a Dom/sub situation this can occur because a submissive does not truly trust the Dominant they are with.  If you don’t or can’t completely trust the Dominant you have decided to submit too, your mind will constantly be running trying to warn you of the danger you are in.

This is not your fault and it is nothing wrong with you, this is a problem with the relationship or dynamic.  You should stop all BDSM activities or submissive training until the Dominant has proven they are trustworthy, you completely trust them and feel safe to explore your desires with them.

Always remember “First Comes Trust Then Comes Submission”

For more articles on trust check out:

Trust And BDSM

Complete Trust Within A Dom/sub Relationship

Things You Can Do To Help Quiet Your Mind For BDSM Scenes

– after trust has been established

1) Meditate – is the active participation of relaxing and quieting the mind.  In essence to completely stop the incessant activity of the mind.  Once you learn to quiet your mind at will, you will better be able to quiet your mind when serving your Dominant. Try to take a 10 minute meditation break 3 times a day.  Wherever you are, close your eyes, take deep slow breaths and focus on not thinking about anything.  Every time a thought comes into your head, recognize the thought and let it go.  Refocus your mind and quiet it again.

2) Practice Yoga – Yoga is considered to be an active form of meditation.  The whole point of yoga is to learn to quiet your mind while your body is actively straining and struggling.  This is why yoga is such an excellent form of practice for your submissive activities, as there will be many times where your body will be actively straining and you will need to be able to focus your mind despite what is going on.

3) That Little Voice Inside Your Head – We all have it, that little voice in O/our heads that tells U/us W/we’re not good enough, W/we’re not smart enough, We’re not in good enough shape, etc.  This little voice says things W/we would never tolerate another person to say to U/us. In fact, if someone ever said what this little voice says “Most people would tell them to piss off!” Which is exactly what you should do, the next time that voices decides to rain its negativity down on you.

Once that voice starts, remind yourself that this is not you and you will not accept these comments.  Then focus your attention onto something that is more positive and constructive to what you want in life.

4) Share Your Thoughts – Sit down with your Dominant and express to them your concerns.  Let them know the kinds of thoughts you are having, any doubts you are struggling with, concerns you may have or issues you may be dealing with. Your Dominant is meant to be there during the good times, but carry you through the tough times.  To be able to do that you first need to share with them what is going on.

Once they know and understand the difficulty you are having, you can both decide on a plan of action to taking your next step in your submission.

One idea is to explain to your Dominant when these thoughts occur the moment they occur.  With both partners aware of the thoughts you are having, and when you are having them, you might be able to see a pattern or a common factor that can be might be stirring these kinds of thoughts. Once you know and understand that, you now have more tools to help you work through them.

What are your thoughts? Did you have a hard time quieting your mind during a BDSM scene? What helped you overcome your active mind?  W/we love to hear from you, please share your thoughts in the comments below


Master Bishop

The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 12 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 8 years. Join Master Bishop on Google+

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1 thought on “Quieting A Submissive Mind”

  1. This article was very helpful. In my experience, the strength of mind that it takes to not doubt my Master’s intentions and purpose, to not allow those thoughts of self doubt and self criticism to limit me while I serve, and to process pain appropriately is at times overwhelming. I am still working on controlling my thoughts before during and after training sessions.

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