Dom/Sub Journal: Is Safety A Priority

Whether you are Dominant or submissive, the safety or you and your partner should be one of your biggest concern, if not the biggest.  Making sure everything is consensual in your BDSM practices is just as important as safety, so let U/us not forget that. However, for this journal I wanted to focus on safety as I feel many people tend to become overwhelmed when a rush of endorphins flood their body when finally presented with their long awaited fantasies.

It is human nature, genetically ingrained in U/us that when W/we are sexually aroused O/our inhibitions are lowered.  Many things that W/we would not agree to doing in O/our everyday life suddenly becomes an exciting idea. Sadly, many things you would not do because it just is not safe suddenly are forgotten about in the heat of the moment.

1) First and foremost; your safety begins with you and nobody else!  I know many Dominants and submissives long to find a partner who they can trust and feel safe with, so they can just let go and enjoy their desires.  W/we must be vigilante of O/our safety at all times.

Trust is when a person’s words match a person’s actions over time.

The key being over time.  It takes a very long time for someone to prove their are trustworthy and therefore worthy of being given your trust and safety.  Until a person has proven to be trustworthy and even then, it is still your first priority to make sure you remain safe at all times.  You will always be the best person to judge and maintain your own safety.

Even after a person has been proven to be trustworthy, accidents can happen, so you must always be actively aware of your own safety.  If you ever feel like you can not talk about your own safety or point out something that you feel is not safe, it is a clear indicator you should not be in that situation.

2) When it comes to safety it is important to have an idea outside of any type of play scene as to what you feel you need to feel safe.  Make sure you clearly understand what you will and will not do, in what scenarios you will allow yourself to participate in and who you are willing to participate with.

When you know exactly what you need in your life to feel safe enough to explore your kinks it will be easier for you to stop any scenario that might not match your needs.

Submissives:  Make sure you have a clear list of things you are willing to do, soft limits and hard limits.  Then write out a list of things that you need

1) from your Dominant to feel safe (before you can even think about playing with them)

2) from a scene to feel safe (before you will enter a scene)

3) from a relationship or a play partner to feel safe (before you will choose to submit in the relationship)

Finally write out a letter to yourself, ensuring you are going to take responsibility for your safety and will do everything in your power to stick to your safety needs.

Dominants: Make sure you have a clear list of things you are willing to do, soft limits and hard limits.

Then write out a list of things that you need

1) from your submissive to feel safe (before you can even think about playing with them)

2) from a scene to feel safe (before you will enter a scene)

3) from a relationship or a play partner to feel safe (before you will choose to submit in the relationship)

Finally write out a letter to yourself, ensuring you are going to take responsibility for your safety and will do everything in your power to stick to your safety needs.

Lastly, write out a list of things you must do/have to ensure both you and your partner are always safe at all times.

Do you make you and/or your partner’s safety a priority in your training?  Have you always made safety a priority in your training? Have you had an experience where you felt things were not safe?  Feel free to add your comments below.

Wishing you all the best in your journey,

Master Bishop

 

P.S. Check out these other articles for more information on safety and trust in BDSM:

Why Subs Should Bring Their Own Toys

Trust and BDSM

 

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