So, You Want To Be A Dominant

Let’s face it, being a Master or a Mistress is pretty great. You get to train and control another person, and they are happy serving you. But when you’re first starting out as a Dominant, all of this power can be a bit challenging to manage. To make sure you’re heading in the direction of being a successful Master or Mistress, you need to keep a few things in mind along the way:

Know what a Dominant is – Before you start calling yourself anything, it might be a good idea to figure out what a Dom is. You can learn this by doing some research into your role and finding out how a Master or Mistress is defined by others.

Be realistic – While there are certainly a lot of people who make being a Dominant look easy and all-powerful, know that those images are often false. You will want to figure out how to keep yourself realistic about what you can expect from your BDSM life. It’s not all magical scenes and beautiful submissives doing whatever you want whenever you want.

Learn your boundaries – Another common issue that arises when you’re in the new world of dominance is thinking you should control everyone in your life. While this might provide some practice, it can also start to step into the boundaries of others who aren’t agreeing to being controlled. Not every person in your life should serve your every desire and just because a person is submissive does not mean they are your submissive.

Stay honest – If you’re starting to look around for submissives, make sure you’re being honest about your experience level and your knowledge. You want to work with people who are in the same level or with people who are willing to help you gain knowledge. Being dishonest might cause you to get the wrong reputation in what’s usually a small community. You could also seriously hurt someone by trying to fake an ability you have not previously mastered, which is the last thing you want to do.

Look for friends – Speaking of community, start looking around for friends in your local community.  This means moving away from learning from porn videos and meeting people in your local area. A good friend will always want to help you and pass on their knowledge to you.  Find out what they do in their training sessions, and you’ll get a better sense of what you can expect (and what you need to know).

Learn – Of course, the best way to get better at anything is to make sure you’re doing all you can to learn more. This might include reading, finding websites, watching videos, and simply practicing on inanimate objects. Become hungry for more and more knowledge so you can soak in all of the information you might need.

Know your limits – While you may not want to set any limits for yourself, know that you need to. You need to be willing to look at yourself and see what you can do and what you want to do. You may not, for example, want to learn complicated knot work. Or you may not be physically able to whip someone for hours. Be honest about your limitations and you’ll create your own blend of powerful dominance.

Be yourself – Not all Masters and Mistresses are the same, and thank goodness. You want to find out who YOU are as a Dominant. The more you learn and the more you think about what you want to do in the dungeon, the more you will be able to find your own style.

Review your work – To become the best in the training sessions you lead, you will want to think about how you could have done better. Take notes after your sessions to see if you can find better ways to do certain things. The more you look at yourself and how you can become better, the more you will improve – and in a shorter time frame. Also talk with your submissive and let them tell you how they felt about the session.  What did they like, what didn’t they like, what did they want more of?

Be patient – Though you might be confident in being a Dominant, that doesn’t mean your submissive will instantly learn everything. There might be a time when they just don’t get what you want them to do. Be patient with them, and they’ll be willing to try harder. Being a patient Master or Mistress often pays off more than you might think.

Be forgiving – At the same time, you need to be forgiving of yourself. You will want to make sure you’re patient with your own skill set in the beginning. In time, you’ll become better at everything, but it typically doesn’t happen in a few days or a few sessions. It takes months for some, and longer for others. It’s better to get things right than to rush through and start hurting people.

Know you’ll make mistakes – It’s true: every human makes mistakes and you are going to make mistakes when you’re first starting out as a Dominant. Though this is going to happen, take advantage of these opportunities to learn. Every time something doesn’t go right, you will learn how NOT to do something.

Stay grounded – One of the trickiest parts of being a Dominant (for some, anyway) is not becoming too full of yourself. While you might have power over another person in certain times, you need to keep your ego in check. You are just a person too, and you are someone who has failings. The more you can keep yourself grounded, the more you can offer to others, especially if your skills start to be noticed by others who may want to learn from you.

Every Master or Mistress started out as someone who was just excited to find out what they loved to do had a name. If you’re new to this role, you can certainly be excited, but you do not want to cause harm.



Master Bishop


The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 12 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 8 years. Join Master Bishop on Google+
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