I am a submissive married to my master and we have a 2 year old. I want to know if you have training tips or some kind of site that I can learn from that would help me.
I can never really feel like I can give to my daddy because I put my child first. It’s kinda hard to explain really. But I just want to know some tips to our lifestyle that would help me even out my need to be the best mother and slave to my master… Ty
Master Bishop’s Opinion
First of all, I think it’s very telling of your value as a slave that you should ask this question. You want to please your Master, and yet, you know that your child will always come first. With that said, even in a Master/Slave relationship your child should always come first. Your Master should know this and understand the importance of this. If they do not, I would greatly question their position as a Dominant.
That does not mean that perhaps your Master might want more service from time to time or feel a little forgotten about if all your attention is focused solely on your children. This is a situation that can be balanced, but that you also need to let go of some of your preconceived notions about what the D/s relationship is supposed to look like.
All relationships between a Master and slave are unique, and this is a good thing. Not everyone wants the same things out of the relationship, and not everyone has a goal of 24/7 slavery.
What I would ask first is whether your Master has said you are not being the attentive slave he wants you to be. If you’ve gotten feedback from him about your lack of focus, then it’s time for the two of you to sit down and try to brainstorm ways that will work for the both of you. After all, this is your child, from what I see in the question, so you both have some distraction as a result.
Once you find out where you are not living up to your slave role, then you can begin to make changes. Some of the adjustments I’ve found that will work best for your type of situation include:
- Have childcare during your scenes – The best way to keep your focus in a scene is to take care of the things that might distract you. By having some sort of babysitter during the time you will spend with your Master (maybe in another house or setting), you will be able to give all of your attention to training.
- Get away from the house during sessions – If it’s helpful, get out of the house for your sessions together, and let the babysitter stay in your house. Again, getting away from what might distract you will help you be more engaged in your training.
- Let a few people know what your life is actually like – Since there might be times when you will need to take care of your child before being a slave, it can be helpful to have a few people in your life who understand your situation. These might be close friends who will learn about how they can support you, and how they can help you maintain calm about your child’s welfare when you’re not around.
- Set up clear emergency guidelines – Because emergencies do happen, and you may need to stop a session to deal with a child, you should outline clear guidelines about what will happen in the case of X or Y. If X is a minor issue, maybe someone else (ie the grandparents) can handle the situation, but if Y is a more emergent issue, someone will have a way to get a hold of you.
- Continue to check in – Since you and your partner are both parents, then you will need to continue to talk about what is working and what is not working. As your child grows up, you will find it’s easier to concentrate on your training, but it’s no bad thing to worry about your child or to put them first – so long as your Master knows this.
- Wearing a large leather or metal collar can be a hard thing to explain to a small child when trying to show your servitude to your Master. But wearing a small public collar that looks like a necklace, bracelet or ring can be a beautiful symbol of servitude to your Master. Only allow your Dominant to remove the jewelry from you.
- Perhaps calling your Dominant ‘Master’ can be very strange to a child. Pick another name to call him when in public or when in front of your children. Daddy, Dad or Papi can seem normal to children but can have a very powerful meaning for a Master/slave. Also, always be polite and respectful when speaking to your Master. “Yes, Daddy” “No, Daddy” “Of course, Daddy” Show your respect and appreciation for your Dominant through your speech.
- Have your Master create a list of chores and/or tasks that he would like you to complete each day. This could include household chores like cleaning the house, doing laundry, picking up the dry cleaning preparing dinner, etc. Tasks could include cleaning and preparing your body a certain way, how he would like you to dress for his arrival home, how to greet him when he comes home, wearing concealed sex toys, when how and if you will masturbate, etc. Having a lock on your bedroom door can ensure your children won’t accidentally walk in on you while completing a task for your Master. This is the last thing you ever want to happen and should be your ultimate goal to avoid any such thing. You can also text him letting him know when you have completed a chore or task.
- Greet your Master when he arrives home in a special way. Obviously you can’t kneel by the door and wait for him to arrive, but perhaps having a drink ready and a snack beside his favorite chair ready for him when he comes home. Leave his slippers placed nicely by his bed and help him change into a pair of comfy clothes so he able to relax after a long day at work.
- Have a night time ritual before you go to bed. When your kids are asleep and you are alone with your Dominant in bed, come down to your knees and enter into request position. Then politely request if there is anything you can do to serve your Dominant before bed.
- The key here is effective time management skills. Young children take naps, where you can schedule in some tasks, and household chores can always be completed as your children play. There is nothing wrong with wearing a concealed butt plug underneath your pants while cleaning the kitchen for example. When your children get older you can incorporate more time to your Master. Your kids will be in school during the day and will have after school/night time activities such as dance, and/or sports. Also remember you don’t have to do your submissive activities everyday to be submissive to your Dominant, perhaps you only incorporate them on special days. Maybe you are busy Monday to Thursday with driving from dance practice for one child to picking up another from soccer practice, so you barely have time to even get dinner on the table before you have to be out the door. Don’t worry, focus on the nights you have off. Monday to Thursday is dedicated to your children, but Friday and Saturday is dedicated to your Dominant. Two nights a week is better than none, hell one night a week is better than none. If you can only get one night every two weeks, than that is how it has to be. Remember the ultimate form of service to your Master is raising the both of your children to the best of your ability. The submissive acts of service you would like to perform more of, are just reminders of his and your roles and continued signs of dedication to each other.
Those are just some ideas but what you need is to be clear about what you will and what you will NOT do in your BDSM relationship. By being clear about your children and how you will interact with them, you can still have a focused interaction with your Master. You’re not the only one who has faced this – and you certainly aren’t the last parent who needs to find ways to balance their children and their relationship (and their Dominant).
It’s a good lesson in boundaries and knowing when you’ve reached your limits. Just remember that you are both in this together and you both need to work on raising your children and keeping the love in your relationship strong. Don’t think that just because you are submissive that everything is on you. Your Master should be putting in just as much work into caring for your children and working around your schedule to give you what you require as a partner and as a submissive as you do for him as a Dominant.
I hope that helps. If you have any ideas on how be in a Dom/sub relationship while raising children please leave a comment below. I know everybody at the Academy loves to hear what all of you have to say and think.
The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 12 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 8 years. Join Master Bishop on Google+
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