The Internal Motivations of a Dominant

When you want to be in control of another person, you might become a boss or a manager. But for some, this control extends into the bedroom, where they can be in control of another’s feelings, experiences, and their comfort. While some dominants don’t take the time to think about it, when you begin to understand your true motivations for being a Mistress or a Master, you can create a BDSM relationship that works for your needs, while also training a submissive in the most effective way.

Need for Control

Most common to those who want to be a dominant in a BDSM relationship is a need for control. Whether this is a reflection of a lack of control in a dominant’s inner landscape, or not, that’s something for a therapist to decide. What is clear is that there are some people who don’t like to give up control, while there are others who do. A person who wants to continue to be in control will work well as a Master or a Mistress, as they are then in the position where the sub has given them all the control in the relationship. But with this control comes responsibility. The Master or Mistress needs to exert control over the submissive, not just desire that the submissive gives the control to them.

The Protective Trainer

There are also some dominants that like to protect their slaves, instead of necessarily hurting them or controlling them. This might be a Master or Mistress that looks at a submissive as someone who needs to be taught new things and new skills. They are more interested in teaching and molding a slave into the perfect slave. This sort of dominant is interested in creating the image they see in their head, and want to do so as it’s what’s best for the slave. For them, this training is an act of love and respect for the slave who doesn’t know how to behave properly…yet.

The Desire to Inflict Pain

Of course, the most stereotypical Master or Mistress is the one that simply likes to give pain to the slave. They genuinely like to see another person in pain, and this might be their only reason for being in the BDSM world. While there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting this sort of expression, the dominant is going to have to be choosy in who they select for a submissive. To make this sort of internal motivation work in the real world, the slave also needs to be someone who enjoys receiving pain. If they are not interested in receiving pain, then the dominant might get frustrated with the dynamic.

Why Does It Matter?

For some, the idea of looking at their internal motivations might not seem necessary. They just like what they like. At the same time, a dominant who is fully aware of their motivations is one that can step into a more authentic role as a Master or Mistress. Instead of just playing at being a dominant, in the ways that they’ve seen done in movies and books, the dominant who understands their internal drive will be able to create a BDSM relationship that works best for them.

A dominant that is in tune with their needs is not only going to be a happier dominant, but their passion for what they have to teach their slave will extend into a more productive relationship. Each training session will be exciting, instead of a chore. And the slave will benefit from being with a dominant who knows what they want. Learn more about BDSM Relationships And The Interaction Within

This is a very basic list of internal motivations, but if you feel there are other motivators, please leave a comment below so others can learn about them. Click here to learn about the Internal Motivations Of A Submissive


Master Bishop

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