Upon entering my world of submission, I thought I knew what I wanted and needed.
The excitement of the BDSM scene and all the future possibilities and opportunities that lay before me. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about being a submissive, and what that role meant to me. When I first stepped into trying to be submissive this what I thought all submissives had to be:
This is what I thought were the rules for all submissives. If one didn’t abide by or feel the pull of these rules than that person was not TRULY submissive or wasn’t a REAL submissive, as I so desperately wanted to be.
As that seemed to be what every submissive looked and acted like from everything I saw in my research, or the presumptions I had made at events. It took years of self-discovery, lots of trial and error and many failed attempts at trying to force myself into something I wasn’t, before I came across the concept that there are millions of different kinds of submissives. And my proclivity stirred towards what is called an alpha submissive.
The label Alpha Submissive is used to identify submissives who tend to have strong independent alpha personality types in their everyday life but when that bedroom door closes have just as strong of a desire to be submissive to an even stronger alpha Dominant.
These alphas can be found in all walks of life as the CEO of highly successful businesses to a highly organized stay at home parent to my case as a highly motivated and super in charge mental health support worker.
The point here is that alphas appear in our everyday lives all the time, often very competent and organized with the motivation to push my boundaries and expectations, this was a term I found myself associating with more and more.
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My Alpha Discovery
Many people when they first begin to learn about submission think there is only one kind of submissive, and that all submissives have the exact same traits and personality types. Sadly, I must admit this is a trap I fell into when I first started my submissive journey.
When I first entered into the BDSM community, I carried that typical stereotypical submissive image in my head and desperately tried to force my personality, desires and needs into that ideal. I made many mistakes and sacrifices as to what I wanted and needed in the process.
I found myself suppressing my desires because I thought that is what a real submissive was supposed to do. That it was all about what the dominant wanted, and my needs and desires were unimportant if I was submitting. When first starting out there was a massive learning process in communicating what I wanted and needed. Also I was still learning how to communicate in the BDSM community, and just like everyone I was still growing as a person in life and in my own alpha skin you could say.
Over time, I found that I was never happy with the experiences I had with dominants, there was always something missing if not a lot missing. But I was so eager and passionate about exploring this new world that I didn’t give myself the time I needed to truly figure what it was that I needed and desired or how my personality type fit into this beautiful new world. I only had my own research to work with, and my instincts to help me find a way to uncover what my desires were.
It seems necessary here to point out that all submissives are different, and not all alpha females are submissive or desire to be.
Most women like me are submissive because of a natural yearning or choice they have made. I found I needed to relinquish my control on life, to have a relief from the constant decision making, and always being the person someone turns too. It can be an exhausting position to be in constantly.
My submission is a way to let my mind rest and my body suffer that leaves me in a place of peace. I was learning in my submissive discovery that what I truly needed in life. But I does not take away and eliminate the passionate personality and strong-willed nature that I have learned to love in myself.
You can go here to get a deeper understanding of why some alpha desire submission
There is an expectation as an alpha submissive knowing I can intimidate men and women in my everyday life, because of my outwardly confident personality. I’m a perfectionist and desire things to go the way I want them too, I love being the person who makes the decisions and sees the outcomes flourish and know that was because of me.
I struggled at first to except this part of myself could even be compatible with submission, but I now realize that my alpha personality feeds into my submission and my submission nourishes my alpha. I am not one without the other, they work in complete harmony.
Since discovering the term, I have more understanding of my own personality type and how this contributes to my own kink journey.
I find I can make a powerful impression in my everyday life and this sometimes shines through even when considering play with a dominant. I have a few varied positive and negative experiences so far and have felt more comfortable with the term alpha submissive as something to describe me. This doesn’t solely mean that’s what I am, but find I relate to it far more than the term submissive.
Play doesn’t necessarily mean it will be different in terms of the physicality of what I’m getting, but what it does do is give a bit more understanding to a dominant about the type of submissive I am, and the type of dominant I am looking for.
When you finally discover a term or label that you feel fits into what you desire and need, it is like a piece of the puzzle that was missing. While I don’t let the label define me, I am who I want to be, I am constantly learning and growing on my kink journey and will probably find that label changes.
But that’s ok with me, my desire for submission is stronger than ever, and I’ve never felt freer to explore that role, now I feel like I have a complete understanding of being an alpha submissive. Having a label or term to describe a position you feel comfortable in isn’t necessary, and some kinksters go their whole lives without one. Its personal preference, I am happy I was able to discover mine and now use it with confidence to describe who I am. This may not be the same for everyone, I’ve learnt it takes time and patience to discover who you are and develop into the person you want to be.
Be proud of who you are.
Only you can define who you become or want to be.
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