Telling Your Partner You Like BDSM

One of the most difficult things about this lifestyle, if not the most difficult is telling the person you care about or even love that you like BDSM. The reason why it can be so difficult is because you never know how the other person is going to react.

  • Will they be excited by it, or will they be disgusted?
  • Will they be supportive or will they never want to see you again?
  • Will they even give it a try or will they flat out refuse to even consider it?
  • And those are only a few of the many different reactions you could possibly get from opening up about your deepest desires. This is why so many people hide their feelings about BDSM and refuse to tell a single sole. However, as I’m sure you know, living without BDSM can be a lonely, boring, passionless life but is BDSM worth the potential rejection. Hear what sub kathleen did to get her husband to become her Master.

    Regards,
    Master Bishop
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    We had been happily married for 18 ½ years and i want to stress the happily part. It is important to know that when i decided to talk with my Husband about my desires to explore BDSM and perhaps embrace the lifestyle i was not depressed, unhappy or broken and our relationship was not damaged, broken or unhappy.

    My husband and I have always had an exceptionally high level of trust and my love, loyalty and dedication to Him and our relationship has always been unshakable but i must confess deciding to opening up and discuss my desires to explore BDSM and a Total Power Exchange (TPE) Master Slave relationship was very difficult.

    i spent many hours reading up on exactly what a Master/Slave and TPE relationship was. I purchased books and located many BDSM on-line sites that offered a great deal of information and education. Then there were the many hours spent in self-reflection. It was important to me to understand why i was so drawn to this lifestyle at this time in my life and what has caused this new personal desire to explore and change.

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    Then I sat down and outlined which aspects of this lifestyle truly intrigued me. What was it I was hoping to gain? How could this new journey enhance or hurt our current relationship? I took the time to explore all the many aspects of the lifestyle, the kink, the sex, the submission and the dominance.

    i finally came to understand that for me it wasn’t just about the sex or the kink, although this was a large part of my initial attraction and part of my desires, it was more about the Power Exchange. Having the ability to place everything i was, heart, mind, body and soul into the hands of my husband and know that He would never do anything to hurt, betray or use my desires against me. To allow Him to take complete control of all that i am and guide me to become all that I hoped I could be — His slave.

    This was a tremendous awakening for me and i was extremely hungry and anxious to explore this lifestyle and i wanted to take this journey with the person i loved and trusted and had already shared a life with. Advantage: having shared the past 18 yrs. and built a relationship with my husband I had no question that He had a Dominate personality and taking this journey with Him would be phenomenal.

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    The hard decision:
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    i had to look very deep within myself at a time when my heart and body were telling me that this is the next important journey in your life and ask, If my husband is not willing to take this journey with me will I be able to put it aside for the sake of love and the life we have already built together? For me the answer was an unequivocal YES. So there was nothing to lose and as I have always believed and taught my children “If You Do Not Ask than the Answer will Always be NO” Decision made time to have “the talk”

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    Prepare:
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    It was a Week day and my husband had an early work schedule and would be home mid-day. i was in full “wife needs your undivided attention mode” showered, dressed well, hair done make-up on. Upon his arrival home I was sitting in our office at my computer just waiting for him to come looking for me.
    ***OK I can hear your thoughts: No Comments Please: Remember i’m not a slave yet***

    Well mission successful, husband finds me and smiles and greats me with a kiss, “you look great so what’s up”. i avoid the question feeling a bit nervous and ask “so how was your day?” i listen patiently as he shares his accomplishments and frustrations. i appropriately and sincerely encourage, support and comfort him and then it’s my turn again. My husband says “you look great, how was your day?” Ok time to spill it.

    Well actually my day was great and I was hoping since we have a few hours before dinner that we could talk. As is always the case He smiles with that little look of apprehension but say sure let me change first and then we can talk. *Perfect* everything is going as I had hoped.

    We stay in the office to talk it’s sort of an emotionally neutral room and helps to keep things in perspective i think.

    ***************************************************
    The Conversation:
    ***************************************************

    i began by reviewing with him my recent interest in the erotic books i had been reading and sharing with him. i explained how many of the scenes made me feel. i talk about my recent interest in BDSM and the many different aspects of the lifestyle. We discussed the sexual, emotional, and physiological aspects. i talked with him about Total Power Exchange and about the roles of Masters/Dominates and slaves/submissive about bondage and discipline. As he patiently allowed me to ramble on with my excitement and eager tirade I could almost hear his thoughts (so what has this all got to do with us?) but I was not deterred I was on a mission and he knew I had to get it all out so he listened. When I finished my educational presentation there it was the QUESTION: So what does all of this have to do with us?

    i began to share with my husband how much i enjoyed the intimacy we currently shared and that without question I have always been very attracted to him and absolutely love the life we have built together. That being said, i have for quite some time had many fantasies and desires that I had never completely explored but have a very strong hunger to do so now. i asked him if he felt that perhaps he could see himself exploring some of these desires and a possible lifestyle change with me. Then I held my breath.

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    The Answer:
    ***************************************************

    First i saw the blood drain from my husband’s face. His smile gone now and his expression was one of confusion and hurt. i was so heartbroken, scarred and disappointed. My heartache was for my husband who i seem to have hurt in some way, my fear was that i may not be able to heal the pain and my disappointment was in myself for presenting myself and my desires in such a way that i would cause the pain and hurt i now saw on my husband’s face. “Waiting with bated breath”

    My husband took a deep breath and said I’m sorry I had to think a bit before I responded. He said “I can’t believe we have been married for 18 yrs. and this is the first I am hearing about all of this. All of a sudden I feel like I don’t know you at all. I heard you say how much you love me and our life together and I believe you. Are you sure about how you feel? Are we ok? I need to know that we are good before I can even begin to process this and give you my response.

    My heart is breaking because i never wanted to cause my Husband to question our love and commitment.

    i looked long and hard into His beautiful eyes and told Him from deep within my heart that there was nothing more important to me than our love and the amazing relationship we share. i assured Him that there was absolutely nothing wrong with our sexual life and i love the way He makes me feel and if He felt this was something he could not embrace it would not change my Love, Devotion, or Commitment to Him and to us as a couple.

    i explained that i was not looking to change my life and my lifestyle by replacing Him nor was I looking to change who He was or who we were together as a loving devoted couple. What i was hoping to do was to take a new journey with Him. A journey that i thought could Enhance and Enrich our relationship and bring us even closer with a deeper understanding of each other in a very intimate and complete way.

    Then i promised Him that if at any time during this journey, if He felt it was not the lifestyle He wanted or was uncomfortable with it, i would put it away without question, hesitation or regret. i promised with all my love that i would never let this new Journey divide or harm us our relationship and the love and life we have built together these past 18 yrs.

    Then my Amazing Loving and Dominate Husband/Master reached out, took me in His arms and said if this is what you want I’m in but there have to be some rules….. AND SO IT BEGINS.

    Take the chance, have the Discussion: Do the research, make the tough decision, prepare, communicate and be ready for the answer.

    So far the Journey has been everything and more than W/we could have imagined and yes – We are still married (20 yrs. this November).

    Sincerely
    Sub-kathleen

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    experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
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    6 thoughts on “Telling Your Partner You Like BDSM”

    1. Open communication and complete honestly seem to do wonders in any relationship. The bond and connection you and your Master share speaks volumes in those key factors.

      You have great writing expression and anyone reading your articles can easily feel a connection with you.

      Thank you for sharing such a private and emotional time with us!!

      1. First I’d like to thank everybody who comments on the articles. W/we always appreciate hearing positive and negative feedback. W/we know W/we are not perfect, so knowing what everybody likes and dislikes really helps U/us to improve the site.

        John, while I appreciate your opinion and openness, perhaps you could be more constructive with your criticism and let U/us know what you don’t like about sub kathleen’s article. At the same time you might want to be a bit more respectful to someone who has opened up about something very private and personal, so you might benefit from it. It takes a lot of courage for someone to do that.

        Its judgements like these that cause so many people to remain silent about their interests in BDSM.

        Regards,

        Master Bishop

    2. I wish I had Kathleen’s courage. She sounds like me to an almost scary degree. I’ve been married for 24 years and a year ago started my personal journey of self-discovery. I have shared my desires with my husband, and have tried to encourage him by sending him wonderful BDSM articles. I don’t want to pressure him, but I know deep down in my heart and soul that I am a sub in need of a Dom. I hope sharing Kathleen’s story will help. To Kathleen: thank you for sharing your story!!!

    3. The thoughts, desires and feelings expressed in this article are so close to home for me. i had tried to talk with my now ex-husband about this, but it was dismissed. Many Master – Dominant and sub – slave has had this happen to them when they have tried to talk to a significant other about having strong desires to explore the BDSM lifestyle. Unfortunately many of us do not have the wonderful outcome that is related here.
      i have been fortunate in that i now have a wonderful Master, and am enjoying the loving training that i am receiving. Being Masters slave is one of the most rewarding relationships that i have had the pleasure of being a part of.
      Normally i do not comment on the articles that i read here, however this one hit very close to home. Thank you, kathleen, for expressing your feelings so openly, and i know that these are your feelings as i have had the same ones myself. Very well written and expressed.

      With Respect,

      slave kristen

    4. I love am amazed and just plain feel so blessed to have found articles like this since starting my research into bdsm lifestyle. Gives me hope and makes me realize how alone I am not and that I AM NORMAL! I too am married 24yrs, shared my desires with my husband not long ago and we are now exploring together. It’s a slow process and he’s not where I am physically or mentally yet. Sometimes difficult for me though cause I’m a jump in n go girl…lol. But I have to let him figure how all this works and how to be a good Dom too in his time. I don’t want to top from the bottom, but sometimes if feels like I am.

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