Despite what many people in the vanilla world believe, the most important principle and practice of BDSM is founded in consent. Without consent there is no BDSM, Domination, submission, and/or sadomasochism, it is abuse. So it is vital that consent is received before ever taking part in any form of BDSM. Learn more about the difference between BDSM and Abuse
With that said, before anybody ever consents to another person, first you must:
- Know and understand what activities you are consenting too. This includes but is not limited to, knowing and accepting the potential for risk harm and/or injury.
- Know and understand what is a safe, sane and consensual form of BDSM, fetish and/or kinky activity. And develop the skills necessary to incorporate those concepts into your life.
- Know how to communicate, negotiate and set limits for the life you want to live and the activities you want to participate in.
Without all of these factors you can not adequately consent to any activities. Therefore it is your responsibility to educate yourself so you can adequately give consent.
What is Consent?
- Consent is when two or more people agree verbally or in written format to an idea and/or activity.
- Consent can be done prior to a BDSM play scene, and/or during the evolution of a relationship.
- Consent must be given and/or withdrawn in the presence of all participating members.
- It also must be understood that consent can be withdrawn during the activity by any of the participating individuals.
A Violation Of Consent Occurs When
- An agreed upon limit has been crossed and/or ignored
- A safeword/signal is ignored
- When a person is pressured or manipulated into consenting.
Submissives: Before you can give your consent to another person you must take ownership and responsibility of your life first. Without that you truly can not consent to anything.
Next you must understand that you are an equal partner in your relationship and in any activity that you participate in. You have the right to choose what you do and don’t want to participate in. If you don’t want to do something or don’t feel comfortable performing a requested activity, you need and must to let your voice be heard. There is nothing wrong with saying “No” or not giving consent to an activity if that is what you feel. Both you and your Dominant must work within the per-negotiated limits. Anything outside of your agreement is off limits. The point being that you are the key individual in determining how your play scenes and relationships will look based on what you choose to consent too.
What makes submission so beautiful is not that a submissive is forced into serving a Dominant, but that despite all the things a submissive could do with their life, they choose to serve a Dominant.
Lastly, remember there are always two or more people involved which means consent is not a one way street for submissives. As a submissive you will still need to receive and respect the Dominant’s, the other person’s or persons’ consent for any activities or relationship. Therefore a submissive must listen, respect and abide by any limits/conditions that have been per-negotiated by all participating individuals of a BDSM scene or relationship.
Dominants: Must listen, respect and abide by any limits/conditions that have been per-negotiated by all participating individuals of a BDSM scene or relationship. It is also important that a Dominant abides by any limits of their own. Just because a submissive may want to participate in a certain activity does not mean the Dominant has to abide by it. There is nothing wrong with saying “No” or not giving consent to an activity that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Consent is not the limiting factor in expressing your needs and desires with another person. In fact it is quite the opposite. Consent is what allows all participants the freedom, safety and opportunity to choose to live and play within their needs and desires.
Here is to you being better able to live your needs and desires,
Master Bishop
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