Having discussed the ups and downs of a long term Dominant/submissive relationship with Master Alan, I figured everybody could benefit from their fifteen years together. While a Dom/sub dynamic seems simple enough from the outside looking, in fact it can be even more complex and difficult to manage. However, the benefits and joys that one can experience if able to work through such difficult situations can prove to be truly euphoric. Many would agree well worth any struggle.
This is why I asked Master Alan to share with you his story about the winding and sometimes bumpy road He and his Alpha submissive took to get where they are now. Clearly this long journey can not be expressed in one article, so Master Alan will be sharing his story in multiple articles. I hope you enjoy and learn from his experience and knowledge.
I want to take a moment to clarify something. What I will be discussing here is my personal dynamic and beliefs. I personally feel that when you place a collar on a sub/slave (s/s) that it holds the same weight as a legal marriage. It is a commitment. I am not referring to a collar used during play for purposes of restraint. I am talking about when you collar a s/s as your property and take ownership. You should also understand that this lifestyle has many different aspects to it. What works for us, can be (and usually is), totally different from what works for others. There is no right or wrong dynamic, but what works for your situation. Our dynamic has evolved over the years to what it is today. I am sure that it will look totally different ten years from now.
We have been together almost fifteen years as of this writing. We were legally married over fourteen years ago and after the reception I placed my collar on her. She didn’t cry at the wedding but she did as I slipped that collar around her neck. We have had our ups and downs and nearly divorced four years ago. We have worked through all of our issues and continue to move forward. Living a D’s dynamic can be more challenging than a vanilla relationship, but the rewards are far greater. When your s/s is completely devoted to you in their heart, mind and soul, you will know what I mean.
Most could not handle my sub. She is an alpha female outside of our relationship. She is an extremely strong willed person. When we met, she was a go to, get it done business manager. She was on top of her game and climbing the corporate ladder. She was in charge of all aspects of her professional life. At the time her personal life was full of ups and downs, with mostly downs. She had always dated men that have dominant personalities but not in the D’s lifestyle. Most were abusive, in a bad way, and a couple were just game players or trolls. Due to things that happened to her as a child and as an adult, she had built a huge wall around herself. She had serious trust issues which included her family. At the end of the day when we are at home, she submits to my authority. She knows that I will do what’s best for us and I have her complete trust.
The first obstacle I had, was gaining her trust. A s/s gives their submission to you, it is not something that you can take from them. A s/s will not give their submission to someone they don’t trust. A sub must know that you have their best interest at heart and that you will not injure them. They must also trust you not to push them beyond their limits, turning what should be fun play into outright abuse or assault. They must also trust that their submission is not a one way street.
A s/s is still a person, a human being. They have needs, wants and fears and it is different for each one. All of the Dominants, with long lasting D’s relationships which I know, have taken the time to figure out the things their s/s needs and provide it. They give back to their s/s in a loving and caring way. This will definitely look different in every relationship, but it is there.
We as Doms/Masters (D/M) are responsible for our play things. It is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. When you take on a full time sub/slave, you become responsible for their health and well-being. If they are sick you take them to the doctor. If they are sad you comfort them. If they need clothing, you buy it. The list goes on, but each s/s will have needs that must be met if you’re going to have a successful D’s relationship. They are still human beings and look to us to provide them some form of security and comfort in their lives.
Our personal dynamic has changed several times over the years. My sub was a stay at home mom for ten years but is back in the workforce. During the time she was a stay at home, all of the domestic responsibilities fell on her. She was responsible for keeping the home running on a day to day basis. I paid bills and did do more of the “man-ly” things like yard work and home repairs. I do a lot of cooking as well. I enjoy it and I am a much better cook than her because I have trained with professional chefs. Once she reentered the workforce we changed our dynamic. We now split the work at home and normally complete all the domestic duties by working together. It allows us more time and energy to do the things that truly matter.
On my next writing I will get more into the dynamic of our personal relationship. Remember, this is how I live a D’s dynamic and is not an end all for a D’s relationship. Ours is a committed life long relationship and requires work every day if it is to survive.
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