Driven by my desire to serve and please Master and with Master’s guidance and patience He has helped me to grow and become a better me. Not by changing who i am as an individual but by focusing my servitude and submission in a direction that ultimately guides me to think and respond as His submissive/slave. In turn this has improved my thought process, my attitude toward life in general and my health, ultimately creating a deeper and stronger and happier D/s relationship.
The first time i recognized this or shall i call it an Ah-ha moment was when i finally quit smoking. So i am 52 and had been smoking since i was 16 (you do the math). Yes i tried many times and many different ways to quit. Let’s see, there was; cold turkey when i was pregnant and several times after that, then hypnosis, then acupuncture and then the use of the drug Chantix. Alas none of these methods worked. During the 19 years that Jim (husband) now Master and i had been together He never insisted or commanded me to quit. He never complained or lectured me about my smoking. Then last year W/we decided to take this new journey and enter into the BDSM – M/s lifestyle. Master had the opportunity at this time to command that i stop smoking but He chose not to. Instead Master in His wise and loving way continued to communicate to me how important i was to Him and that His desire and needs were for me to be with Him for a very long time and that He wanted us to continue this journey and to nurture and deepen our life together developing an even stronger relationship than W/we already had.
So as my journey proceeded and i continued to learn and develop as a submissive/slave through the on-line submissive training course i took with Master Bishop and my Master’s guidance and patience i began to develop a greater understanding of what it meant to be a submissive/slave. In particularly what it meant to me to give myself completely to my Master, mind, body and soul. When i finally accepted and welcomed my submission and made the decision to give myself over completely to Master_SirJ i realized that this body the one that used to belong to me now belonged to Him. Master would never poison His body with any drugs especially nicotine. It was Master’s words and my growth, and desire to be a good submissive/slave that gave me the strength and determination to finally quit. i am very proud to say that as of January 1, 2012 without the aid of any drugs or other techniques this submissive/slave is finally smoke free and frankly healthier than she has been since she was 16 years old.
The next time that stands out was just this past week and the lesson was far more subtle. But again the ultimate outcome was a deeper understanding and a more conscious response to being submissive.
So Master has just given me a new car, “thank you Sir”. i go to the dealer to turn in my old car and pick up my new car. While driving it home i find that there seems to be a problem with the audio system and it sound like an electrical problem. i share this concern with Master and He says that i need to bring the car back to the dealer and have them look into it. Now Master did not say, make sure you get the car back to the dealer tomorrow or make sure this is your first priority. He simply said that i needed to have the dealer look into the problem and that He was concerned that the problem was electrical and could perhaps cause a fire. i am beginning to understand that in translation this means… Hey this is very important and I need to know you are safe. So my first thought was, what does my schedule look like this week. i review my daily tasks schedule and my appointment schedule and i find that in addition to my daily tasks i have other appointments this week for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. My immediate thought was that Thursday was the earliest i could possibly bring the car back into the dealership. When i shared this with Master the response was a simple, “you need to take care of this”. So as if a brick wall had just fallen on me i realize that once again where my health and safety are concerned nothing is more important to Master and as his submissive/slave my first priority is to make sure i am taking proper care of myself so Master does not need to worry. Monday morning’s appointment was early 8:00am and by 10:00 am i am done and headed straight to the dealer to have my car looked at and repaired. “Thank you Sir for once again allowing me to see what is truly important.”
Now in both scenarios Master could have commanded me or insisted or instructed me to quit smoking immediately or to take the car in on Monday but instead He communicated his desires and gave me the opportunity to realize that His desires are best. And as His submissive/slave it is my responsibility to put His desires first. i should always trust Him and understand that although He may not give me a direct order, when it comes to what is best for me, Master knows what is best. He always has my happiness and well-being in mind at all times. One quick note- for the record – Although Master is a patient Man, it usually doesn’t take long for His lessons, instructions and/or desires to be learned. Master would never allow a slowly learned lesson to jeopardize me or cause Him stress. Master always finds the right way to motivate a lesson that is not learned in a timely manner.
Another very important positive change has been in my overall state of mind and well-being.
Aside from the obvious, not smoking, eating healthier, taking vitamins, going to the gym 5 days a week. All to enhance my heath and strength so that i can be a better submissive/slave for Master, there have been great emotional gains for me as well.
Taking better care of myself has helped me to lose almost 25 pounds of unwanted weight. Going to the gym is improving my overall appearance and oh yes, the benefits of looking better and feeling better are amazing. Now when i prepare myself for Master and i look in the mirror i am very pleased with what i see. i feel sexier and more sexually charged and empowered than i have in a very long time. I feel graceful and truly pleasing. This has helped to enhance my libido and my responsiveness and sensuality 10 fold.
Having finally come to understand that my true calling and desires in life are to serve, and understanding that for me service means always putting Master’s needs and desires first in my thoughts and actions. i now look at my daily chores as a way to please instead of a repetitive drudgery. i take the time to make sure i am presentable and desirable to Master every day when He returns home from work. i greet Him at the door with a smile and i wrap my arms around Him and say “welcome home Master, i missed you Sir” and i mean every word.
Now i no longer attack Him at the door when He returns home with my petty complaints or grumblings about my day because i am happier now than i have ever been. Now i give Master time to unwind from His busy day and when he tells me He is ready i begin to share with Him my day’s accomplishments. When I have completed my daily review, He lifts my chin up to meet His warm loving gaze and smiles and says “good girl” “you have done so well today”. That is all it takes, i melt in a fire of desire and pleasure like molten lava pouring down the slope of a volcano.
i often reflect back to the winy complaining angry unhappy woman/wife i was a year ago. Before making the choice to pursue my desires and making the commitment to learn and understand what submission is. And that being a submissive is what i have always been. In my reflection i can see that it was my denial of and my lack of understanding of what i truly was that all of my stress, anger and unhappiness were formed.
Now that i have come to understand my submission and i am able to focus my energy on Master and pleasing Him and by taking care of all He needs i have found an inner peace. Having direction and protocols i have found clarity and a sense of accomplishment. Trusting that Master will always take care of me even when i fail to see the need to take care of myself i have been given the gift of love.
Taking this journey with Master_SirJ has brought a new dimension to O/our life, one with a deeper connection, more communication and heightened intimacy.
That is why I feel Serving Master has made me a “Better” me.
With Love, Respect and deep Gratitude,